Careless(10)

I won’t get to feel his touch as it eases away the pain.

I won’t get to love him. I don’t get to hate him.

Instead, I’m stuck in limbo where nothing makes sense.

I must’ve zoned out because when I come too, I’m sitting on the couch and Willow is pressing a bottle of water to my lips.

Tears swim in her eyes as she watches me take a few sips.

“Why are you going home, Leigh? Did something happen today?”

I lick my lips and the taste of Jaxson still lingers.

“My mom had an accident. She died.” I don’t sound like Leigh Baxter, the woman who just lost her mother.

I sound like Dr. Baxter, advising someone of their loved one's death.

Willow throws her arms around me and holds me tightly. Her sobs are erratic as she cries for not only my loss but her own as well.

When Willow pulls back, Evie leans in to hug me.

“I’m sorry, Leigh. I didn’t know your mom, but I’m sure she was amazing. You’re living proof of it.”

My eyes tear up at her kind words.

Willow and Evie pack my belongings while I sit and watch them. My eyes follow their movements, but my mind alternates between grieving the loss of my mother and trying to reject what I feel for Jaxson.

I watch the hand on the clock as it ticks the seconds away. Time has a weird way of warping when you’re in shock. In this moment, it feels like it’s dragging by, prolonging the sorrow for as long as possible. But when I think back on the night, I have no idea where all the time went.

The last twelve hours of my life can be split into five segments.

Mom’s alive.

Mom’s dead.

I hate Jaxson.

I love Jaxson.

I hate Jaxson.

When there’s a knock on the door, Evie goes to see who it is.

She comes back with Carter following behind her.

“I’m sorry for the early visit. Jax told us what happened. I wanted to catch Leigh before she leaves.”

Evie smiles sadly at him then goes to her room so we can have privacy.

Carter sits down next to me and takes my hand in his.

“Do you know what time your father will be here?” he asks. It doesn’t escape me that he doesn’t offer empty condolences.

“No.”

“When I got home last night, Jaxson told me what happened. I hope you don’t mind, but I arranged with my father to send our private jet so you don’t have to fly commercial back home.”

I squeeze his hand because I can’t summon enough strength to smile.

“Can I wait with you?”

I nod as my bottom lip starts to quiver.

Carter pulls me into his chest, and he lets me cry. I bury my face in his chest while he makes a call to find out what flight Dad is on. He arranges a driver to collect Dad and to bring him here.

“Thank you,” I whisper when he’s done with the calls.

“I want you to take my number. If you or your father need anything, don’t hesitate to call me.”

“Why are you being so nice?” I ask as I pull back so I can blow my nose.

“I’m just repaying the favor, Leigh. Your father has saved my father’s life so many times. I’m in your debt for life.”

“You don’t owe us anything.”

“My father is the only parent my friends and I have ever had. If he had died after the first, or second, or third, or even the fourth heart attack, we would’ve been fucked. You’ll never know how thankful we are for the gift of his life. There’s no doubt in my mind that without your father, mine would be dead.”

A knock at the door makes Carter dart up. He opens for Dad, and I hear them whisper before they come into the living room.

My legs feel weak as I stand up.

When I see Dad, it feels like I shatter from all the tension of trying to keep it together through the night.

He wraps me in his arms, and for the first time since we spoke, I feel something familiar.

I still have a part of my home left.

I still have one parent.

I have a father, and I know he will carry me through the next few days.

“Sweetheart,” he whispers as he pulls back. His eyes search my face.

He pulls me down onto the couch and holds me tightly to his chest.

“Dr. Baxter had just finished a nineteen-hour shift. She fell asleep while driving home.”

My whole body quivers as sobs seize my body. This is what I needed. The facts. No one understands me better than Dad.

“The car crashed into a tree. A branch entered the windscreen and ruptured her thorax. It severed her aorta.”

Dad frames my face and makes me look up at him.

“Do you understand, Leigh?”

“Traumatic aortic rupture is a condition in which the aorta is severed,” I repeat what he just said.

“That’s right, sweetheart. There’s nothing anyone could’ve done.”

I stare at him and see the moment he realizes his mistake.

“When did she die?” I ask.

He shakes his head as tears fill his eyes.

“Leigh, nothing could be done to save her life.”

“She didn’t die on impact,” I whisper as I pull away from Dad. “Did they clamp off the aorta?”

“They did, sweetheart,” Dad whispers as his eyes beg me to stop. “She was hemorrhaging and sustained severe trauma to her lungs.”

“They could’ve used a transplant assist device,” I start to argue.

Dad frames my face and holds me still.

“Sweetheart…”

“They could’ve –”

“Leigh! Listen to me. I was there. You would not have been able to save her. Her body suffered irreparable damage.”

I pull away from Dad and stand up, as I say, “You don’t know what I’m capable of doing, Dad.”

Dad gets up and places his hand on my shoulder.

“You’re right. I have no idea what your mind is capable of, but I do know it was humanly impossible to repair the damage done to her body.”

Dad hugs me tightly as everything inside of me rebels. It’s just another word for failure. Impossible.

“I have no doubt that you’ll prove me wrong one day,” he whispers.

He eases back and takes hold of my hand.

“Let’s go home, sweetheart.”

I hug Evie goodbye before I turn to Willow.

“I’ll take the first flight tomorrow,” she promises as she hugs me.

“Thank you,” I whisper.

Carter helps to carry my bags to the car, and I’m surprised when he rides with us to the airport. When we get there, he makes sure everything is in place for our flight back home.

I press a kiss to his cheek, truly thankful for everything he’s done for us.

He smiles at me, and if I’m not mistaken, there’s a look of awe on his face.

“If I ever need a doctor, I pray I get you. You’re going to do amazing things, Leigh. I have faith that you will perform miracles.” He presses a kiss to my forehead, and whispers, “Jaxson cares about you.”





Chapter 6



JAXSON





One year ago…

Marcus strides into my office and unbuttons his jacket before he sits.

“Where have you been? I went to your office to check if you wanted to grab something across the road for lunch.”

“I had a meeting,” he says distractedly.

“I take it the meeting didn’t go well?”

He gets up and walks over to the window. He stares outside, instead of answering my question.

A couple of weeks ago I overheard a phone call where he was talking to a doctor. Marcus doesn’t know that I know. I’m hoping he’ll tell me when he’s ready. Knowing that my friend is terminally ill is killing me. I’ve started researching, hoping I’ll find something that can help him. So far I’ve had no luck and the feeling of helplessness grows with each passing day. It’s hard to keep up pretenses around him.

“Have you ever watched people, Jax?”

“What?” I ask as I try to catch up after my thoughts drifted off.

“I wonder if there’s a person out there who doesn’t pretend.”

I don’t answer him because right now we’re both fucking pretending nothing’s wrong.

“I’m breaking things off with Willow,” he whispers.

“Again? Isn’t this the third time?”

I glance away from my computer and look at Marcus. The way his shoulders hang tells me he’s being serious.

“Why are you breaking things off? I thought you were in a good place with her.”

I get up and walk over to him, and placing my hand on his shoulder, I turn him so he’ll face me. Willow makes him happy and right now he needs her more than ever.

The look in his eyes scares the living shit out of me. They’re glassy, as if they’ve been drained of all life.

Fuck! Don’t you dare give up, Marcus.

“I can’t be with her. I have to let her go, the same way you let Leigh go. It would be stupid of me to allow things to go any further than they already have.”

“Is this about your father?” I’m hoping he’ll open up to me. “You’re breaking things off with Willow because you’re scared you’ll turn into him?” I shake him, hoping to get some sense into him.

Talk to me, Marcus! Let me in so I can help you carry this burden.

“We’ve talked about this, Marcus. We are not our parents. You will not become your father, and I won’t be a fucked-up mess like my parents. We decide what to do with our lives. Don’t push people away when you need them most.”