By Proxy(49)

She believed one hundred percent that he had misspoken. His eyes couldn’t have been more horrified and shocked when the words popped out of his mouth. But once they were out, they were out. He couldn’t un-say them, and she couldn’t get them out of her head. She couldn’t stop wondering if there might be a grain of truth to them.

As they walked the short distance in awkward silence toward Arch Park, Jenny couldn’t help but think about what their children might look like. Blonde hair like me, or with red highlights like him. They could have blue eyes, or brown…they’d have his long lashes and they’d be tall, for sure, and maybe—

“This way, Jen?”

She was grateful he couldn’t see her face flush in the darkness.

She nodded, gesturing to the small park down the street to the right. She forced the lovely, dreamy thoughts from her mind, chastising herself.

He didn’t mean it, for heaven’s sake! Get a hold of yourself!

But try as she might, the images were already there: Sam with a red-headed toddler on his shoulders as she walked beside him holding his hand.

Dangerous territory, Jen. Don’t forget he’s leaving on Monday. She squeezed her eyes shut, wishing away the yearning that threatened to make her eyes water.

Thankfully when she opened them again, they were almost at the park and she distracted herself with the annual festivities. Most of Gardiner turned out for the tree lighting, so the community park was full of holiday cheer. Christmas carols played over a loudspeaker at the bandstand. Red-cheeked children, ready for the “official” start of the Gardiner Christmas season, scurried around merrily, turning their eyes up toward the top of the giant Christmas tree where a gray, unlit star was about to light up their world. A bonfire behind the bandstand scented the air with the smell of burning logs and created a nice spot for hand-warming while waiting for the thousands of rainbow-colored twinkle lights to brighten the small park.

The music suddenly stopped, and the head of the Chamber of Commerce stood up in the little bandstand, which was dwarfed like a doll’s house beside the enormous tree. In one hand he held the plug for the lights and in the other a massive extension cord. He welcomed everyone to the Annual Gardiner Tree Lighting and started the countdown. “Ten…nine…eight…seven…”

Jenny stood beside Sam, smiling like a six-year-old, bunching up her shoulders and biting her bottom lip as she kept her gaze fixed on the star at the top of the tree. She felt Sam’s warm, bare hand take hers and her tummy leapt with a flurry of happiness: for Christmas, for the tree lighting, for the magic of him standing next to her holding her hand. “Three…two…one!”

In an instant the entire park was aglow with thousands of rainbow-colored lights and a giant white sparkling star. The music started up again, and the entire crowd broke into a chorus of “We Wish You a Merry Christmas.” Parents held up small children to take in the full length of the tree, old sweethearts pecked, and new sweethearts… Well, Jenny thought, new sweethearts held hands shyly, looking up at the tree and then at each other with wonder.

“Merry Christmas, Sam,” she mouthed, smiling up at him, feeling like they were the only two people in the world.

“Merry Christmas, Jen,” he answered, squeezing her hand and lacing his fingers through hers. They stayed for a few more minutes to enjoy the merriment before Sam asked, “Should I walk you home?”

With most of the townsfolk still enjoying the caroling, the streets leading back to town were quiet. They were well away from the cacophony of the crowded park when Jenny spoke, holding Sam’s hand tightly as she walked the balance beam of the curb. “I’m thinking pajamas, hot chocolate and a Christmas movie with Casey.”

“Sounds cozy,” he said, tugging her hand to pull her closer to him as they walked.

“I don’t suppose you’d like to…”

“To what?”

“Would you like to…er…”

“Would I like to come over and watch a movie with you?”

“You don’t make it easy,” she sighed.

“I can’t help it. I love it. I love teasing you.” He brought their hands to his lips and kissed hers as they walked along.

A wave of pleasure rippled through her. A memory I want to keep. “So?”

“I don’t know, Jen. Just you and me in your apartment. Alone. I’m not sure about your intentions. You’re not going to…to take advantage of me, are you? I wouldn’t want the other girls in town to think I go gallivanting around watching movies with just anyone. Is my virtue safe?”