Blue Lines(75)

Erik looked over at his mother to see that she was fighting back tears.

Alla put her hand on her heart as she got up, closing the distance between her and Piper to smother her in a hug. “I would like that very much,” she said.

Erik was about to go over to Alla and Piper but Cooper stopped him.

“Women stuff. Come take a walk with me.”

The two men left and walked in silence; the only noise was Stanley’s snorting as he tried to keep up with them. Poor guy needed to go on a diet, plus those short little legs weren’t made for speed, not that they were walking that fast.

It was nice outside, calm and quiet, still hot but bearable. Reaching the end of the dock, Cooper sat in one of the beach chairs as Erik did the same; he was both anxious and dreading his father’s talk.

Thinking back on the baby name they chose, Dimitri, he decided he really liked it, a lot. It was a good strong name.

Cooper looked out at the lake and smiled. “We tried for fifteen years to have a baby, before you came to us. The whole time Jakob lived with us while he was playing hockey, we loved him, but never as our son, because he wasn’t ours. Not yet at least.” Cooper paused before going on. “I remember how hard it was for Alla. She wanted a baby so bad, and so did I, but I was fine because I had her, and Jakob, too, but I hurt for her.”

Erik leaned against his knees with his elbow. He had never known any of this. He knew they had tried for a baby, but never for so long. “I would, too.”

“We were almost ready to adopt, but then Jakob came into our room at two thirty in the morning crying about you. You could imagine how we all felt, but Alla, she was ready. She left without even packing and next thing I knew, I had a son. That’s how she told me; she was coming home with our thirteen-year-old son.” Cooper glanced over at Erik and cupped his shoulder with a smile on his face. “We never tried to adopt again since that day. We didn’t need to since we had two boys who needed us, and we needed them.”

Erik nodded as he looked out at the lake. Those were rough, dark times and he hated to think back on them. The only good thing was that he was given two parents who ultimately loved him no matter what. “I tell you this not to upset you—I see the look on your face, son—but to help you realize how much the name Dimitri means to us. For fifteen years I hoped for Dimitri to be placed in my arms so I could love him for the rest of my life, and now, in what, three more months, he will be. As my grandson. That is a blessing, son, and let me tell you, I can’t wait.”

Erik nodded as his head dropped so that he could look down at his pup. Stanley was looking at him expectantly and Erik petted him as his father’s words sunk in. He didn’t realize how much it meant to them, and for some reason he had a feeling that Piper didn’t know, either.

“Erik, you’re not him, son. You know that, right?”

Erik shook his head as he scratched his neck. “Actually, I am thinking the opposite.”

“Why?”

He couldn’t look at his father as he shrugged his shoulders. “You don’t know what it was like, no one does. It was bad, and I am scared that the love you and Alla provided me won’t matter when I’m standing there looking down at my son.”

“It will.” Cooper tried to reassure him, but Erik shook his head.

“Dad, I don’t even love the baby. Shouldn’t I love him?”

Cooper’s hand rested on his shoulder as he said, “He isn’t here yet. It’s different for men; they don’t connect until the moment they hold their child.”

“But you loved me.”

Cooper chuckled. “Because I knew you, I held you after Katria had you; you were my nephew. But my love for you as my son didn’t come until that day out in the garage. When you called me a ‘no good son of a bitch’ and said that you hated me because I wouldn’t leave you alone.”

Erik shook his head as he chuckled at his stupidity. He was such a knucklehead back then; hell, he probably still was. “Why would you love some asshole kid when they said that to you?”

“Because you didn’t mean it. I saw it in your eyes. You were scared and sad. Do you remember what I said?”

Erik nodded, his chest constricting with the memory as he glanced over at his father. “ ‘Do you know who my best friend is?’ ”

“And what did you say?” Cooper asked.

Erik laughed. “ ‘Who the fuck cares?’ ”

He nodded. “And then I said ‘you are,’ didn’t I?”

Erik’s eyes itched as he thought back to that moment. Cooper had always been there, even when Erik didn’t want him to be and Erik did nothing but push him away. It took that moment for him to realize that Cooper wasn’t going anywhere. Sitting there on the dock, he realized that he was having the same problem with Piper.