Beautifully Destroyed(7)

“Hush. We don’t need people to hear you.” I want to cry, but he either likes it or it makes him angrier with me. He gets up, goes to the radio, and turns it on. Music comes through, drowning out the sounds I might make. Focusing on the music is all I can do to get myself away from here.

“I should have told you.” Looking up, I see Cameron standing in the doorway.

“Thought I locked that,” I groan, frustrated with myself.

“You did,” he says, holding up a little screwdriver. Looking at me, he sees the screen I have up of him. “But I guess now you think you know all about me.”

Closing the screen of my laptop carefully, I’m torn as to what to say. “Cameron, I’m sorry I reacted that way. It’s just I’m not used to being around that or having that kind of attention given to someone with me. As I said, you’re a schooling fish, happy in a crowd. Where I just want to be left—”

“Alone? Right, and you don’t think that someone can be alone in a crowd. Let me tell you something. You may sit here and be alone but don’t think that with all those people I feel any less alone. If anything, it is worse to be surrounded and feel secluded. Open your damn eyes, no one is perfect. We can’t all have a perfect world like you.” As soon as he says it, I see he regrets it, but I can’t let it go.

“Perfect. Perfect. That’s what you think my life is. How can you even say that to me? Did you not wake to me screaming? Have you not noticed I can’t handle the dark? Does that sound like a normal perfect life to you?” I yell at him. It feels amazing but wrong at the same time.

“We all have some loose screws. Unfortunately no one is untainted these days, Fate. It doesn’t mean that’s the whole story. It’s just the beginning.” I want to hear his words, but I know this isn’t that world.

“Maybe for a rock star who can just start his whole life over and forget about the girls he’s screwed over and the rules he’s broken, but I can’t. I don’t have money to just throw at people or education to shut them up. I have too much to lose and far more to prove, to get involved with that limelight. I. Don’t. Want. This,” I scream. I’ve never had so much emotion in a conversation.

“There you go with that judgmental shit again. Not everyone doesn’t have a history. Clearly you do, so I thought there’d be some compassion. What the hell is that saying about glass houses…”

“People who live in them shouldn’t throw stones,” I yell back at him.

“Well, if you know it, stop throwing them. I don’t know who fucked with you, but damn, just get under someone else. The world isn’t as screwed-up as you’re making it out to be. People screw up, that doesn’t mean they are all bad.” He sneers at me and the look in his eyes makes me take a step back. Why are you egging him on, Fate?

“Get under someone else? Yes, because that will solve everything,” I say, almost choking out in tears at the last part. I will not cry.

“Oh, the ice princess can feel things. She’s not the cold hearted person she pretends to be.” His words are laced with rage.

“Now who’s judging?” I stick my chin out, trying to hold face. “I’m sorry I’m not like all the other girls drooling over you and your assets. Should I have just crawled in bed with you on day one? Would that have made me not a freaking ice princess?” I am enraged by his words.

“Who says I would take you to my bed? Hmm, I believe it’s wishful thinking on your part, darling. When I said ‘date’ tonight to that fan, I did it to save face. As you said, I’m a rock star, what would I want with the ice princess?”

“Princess…” He says it and I want to scream out for someone, but I know there isn’t anyone coming. The music is on again.

“Don’t. I’ll tell.”

“No, you won’t, because no one wants you and if you tell they never will.” His voice is cold.

“Fate.” Cameron is calm and now trying to talk to me again. He takes a step forward to me.

“Don’t. Touch. Me,” I say as calmly as possible.

He moves toward me again. “Fate, please.”

“I said don’t,” I scream, causing him to halt right away. “I didn’t think tonight was a date because you’re right, I’m ice. I don’t feel anything because when I do it’s too much to bear. So please just leave me alone. You’ve done enough. Said enough. So just stop.” He looks so sad I feel exasperated with his demeanor. “Don’t worry about me. Just go out and do what you do. From what I’ve read it’s screw any girl and not care about them, just don’t bring them in here. I don’t need you and your groupies trashing our apartment.”