Chapter One
Walking up to the doors, I feel my panic rising. Looking around, I see students all lugging their bags out of the cars. The move-in staff gives them trolleys to bring their belongings up to their rooms and they all just look so excited. Not me. I’m doing this because it’s what is expected of me. The University of Pennsylvania, or PennU as they call it, is my new home. Harnwell College House, the place to start over. At least that’s what I keep telling myself.
“Are you sure about this, Fate?” I turn to see the only family I really have left. Clarissa was my child welfare worker. There was a time I needed saving and she was that savior. “We can just get back in the car and head back home. You don’t have to do this if you are not ready. You’re only eighteen, you’re still just a child.” Her words ground me.
“We both know I haven’t been just a child in a long time. I need to do this. As much as I need to start over.” I see that my words cause her to frown, no doubt hurting her at the same time. “Clarissa, I will call you every day, I will visit, and you can come visit too. This isn’t goodbye.” A normal person may get teary at this point, but I learned a long time ago that tears only cause more pain.
“Fate, I know this isn’t goodbye, you’re stuck with me for life,” she says with a small smile. “I just wish you weren’t so far away, is all.” I give her a look, and she holds her hands up in defense. “I know why you choose to be this far and I agree, but that doesn’t mean I like it.”
Walking over to her, I embrace her and let the warmth of her hug calm me. She has been the only person I have let in or touch me in a very long time. “Well, no time like the present. Let’s get you moved in, shall we?” I just laugh at her fake cheer. I know she is struggling to keep her composure right now.
We unload the car and I stand there with the trolley as she goes to park the car in the provided parent parking area. Looking around, I see the hustling of all the families and some already saying goodbye. Clarissa comes up behind me, and I push the trolley along with us. Here we go, Fate, time to start again.
Looking at the door, I again glance down at my paper to double-check I have the right room. Taking my key, I open the door and step inside with Clarissa right behind me. The room ahead of me is nothing extraordinary. It is a small sitting room with a couch and armchair on one side, a table with two chairs on the other, with a fridge and microwave. On each side, I see bedroom doors directly across from each other and a bathroom just off the back of the main room. Nothing special but it’s mine. Well, my roommate’s and mine.
“It appears the roommate isn’t here yet, so we get to pick which room. Which one do you want?” Clarissa says joyfully. I know she is truly excited for me to be taking this step, even though it will be putting some distance between us.
“Left side.” Why I said it I don’t know, but something told me to go left so I did. Walking over to the door, I open it and the room is small. One single bed and dresser, a desk and chair, some shelves but nothing fancy. All well-used and that is completely fine with me.
Over the next few hours, we unpack all my belongings. My room looks exactly the way I thought it would. My bedding is green with dots and the wall decorations make my room come off as very nature themed. Just what I wanted since nature has always had a way to soothe me. Other than a picture of Clarissa and me, there aren’t any other personalized effects.
“Does this mean I have to go now?” She looks at me with such sad eyes because we both know that time has come.
“Looks like it, but we should probably eat first,” I say in a last ditch effort to prolong my time with her, even though I know it will only be for an hour more. I’m just not ready to let her go yet. She just smiles and leads the way out of my new home. There are so many food options that it takes us about forty minutes to decide. We pick a little Italian place, but many others have been saved for when she visits me. Standing outside of my building, the night sky has slowly crept up on us. “Promise you will only drive for a few hours before you stop again.”
Clarissa shakes her head while laughing. “I thought worrying was my job.” Smiling, I walk up to her and hug her as tight as I can. She returns with her own tight squeeze. “If you ever want to come home just call and I will come get you.” I nod into her, and she brushes her hand across the back on my head. “If you need anything call me, promise me.”
“I promise.” As she lets go and walks over to her car, I feel the stir of emotions coming through my walls, but I quickly reinforce the walls of my heart. Get it together, Fate. These walls are all that keep me from feeling everything; I can’t even let the good in because the bad comes with it. She gets into the car and I see tears in her eyes as she waves and begins to drive off.