Beautifully Destroyed(65)

Click.

“Are you listening to me? I will not be used to make it easier for her. I’m supposed to be the one you’re with,” she yells.

“Trisha, I don’t have time for this shit. I’m only here to tell you that I will not be seeing you again. You won’t be at shows. If we are at the same party, you will stay away from me. I do not want you around me.” My heart is racing. I have to get to Fate. Fuck, I screwed up again, now she thinks I ran off to Trisha. My girl is hurting and I don’t care if Trisha is okay with our damn arrangement of her staying out of my life. “I have to get to Fate and fix this shit that you caused.”

“Oh no, don’t blame me. This is on you too,” Trisha says, and I know she’s right. I let her do this. “The best part is you played the game for me, I didn’t even have to really lift a finger. You screwed your little Fate all by yourself.” Her words are full of venom and I pull back from the sting. “I knew once I saw who she was it would only be a matter of time before you screwed it up. I figured you’d come back, but now I can just go to the press and play the victim card. You brought me into your mess and I’m going to use it to my advantage.”

“Cecilia has wanted to kick your ass from day one and I will let her. I’ll even pay for her fucking bail to get her out.” Turning, I run out the door.

“She will never take you back now.” I hear Trisha yell from behind me.

Rushing into our apartment, I see that her light is still on and I run inside. She is pulling items into her backpack and all her stuff is packed and labeled. Not for our place. I see Clarissa’s address written across the boxes and that burns me. “Crap,” she says when she sees me there. “I thought you’d be longer with your ‘friend.’ I must have interrupted near the end for you to make it here in time. You didn’t have to stop on my account.” The fact that she is even thinking I was sexual with her makes me want to puke. Does she not get I don’t want to touch anyone but her?

“I wasn’t fucking her.” She cringes and continues putting the rest of her things away. “I told you, I haven’t been with her like that. I’ve only been with you since the day you changed my world and told me to get my shit together. You’re all I ever want. I have no need to go to someone else. I love you, you have my heart and it is always going to be with you.”

“So we fight and you run off to Trisha. Explain it to me if it isn’t what I’m thinking.” My girl is standing before me, giving me a chance, but all I can think about is her call.

“Tell me why you called me,” I say in response and her face turns to surprise. She wasn’t expecting me to ask her that instead of pleading my case.

“It doesn’t matter,” she replies.

“Why did you call me, Fate?” I ask, penetrating her with my stare.

“To say goodbye,” she whispers and I feel enraged.

“Bullshit.” This is what she does, she hides and I let her. It has to stop sometime or we will never get past this.

“Why did you go to Trisha?” she asks and I give her this. Maybe it will be enough to break down those walls again.

“I went there to set things straight. She wasn’t happy to find out I used her to make your life better, but I told her I never want to see her again. Not at shows, or parties. I’m done, and she has to accept that or I will make her life very difficult.” She just nods her head as I talk and I feel those walls are there as strong as before. “She will never come between us. I’ve seen to that,” I tell her, hoping she understands I mean it. It’s Fate and I against the world, whatever world she wants to live in, I will give her. A life outside of the public eye or one in the spotlight, I don’t care.”

“It’s not just her, it’s all of this. Some things just can’t be conquered.” Her words knock the wind out of me. How can she feel like that? I know she loves me. She has to, right?

Turning away from her, I don’t even hold back. My fist crashes into the door with a loud bang and I hear her yelp. Holding my head against the door, I think back, searching for something, anything to make this girl stay here. To have her let me love her unconditionally, but I don’t know how to do that, and it only further infuriates me. Thinking back, all I can think about are our baby steps. Every touch. Every moment of progress for us, for herself, but most of all for me as well. This girl made me come undone and she built me back up again. I was this person who had guilt over my mother, issues with judgment because I judged myself the worst, and I had no idea how to love. Then Fate walked into my life and blew me out of the damn water. She consumed my body and fucking soul. She began haunting me and my music. Fate was everywhere, and I just know there isn’t a way to change that for me, I’m in far too deep.