Beautifully Destroyed(21)
“Yes, we did, my beautiful girl.” She cuddles into me, looking up at me from where her head is lying on my chest.
“My girl, I like the sound of that,” she admits.
“Well, I will always be here for those baby steps. Happy tears only,” I say as I bring my thumb to her cheek, wiping away the tears that still remain. She doesn’t recoil from me, my heart skips and I know it now. I’m completely screwed. This girl has got me right where she needs me, but better yet right where I want to be.
“We are such a mess,” she says, and I can’t help but give her a smile.
The only way I feel about us is that we’ve had shit handed to us that we couldn’t help. Together I’m hoping we will be exactly what the other needs. “We are beautifully destroyed.”
Chapter Eleven
I panic when I awake as I’m not sure where I am at first. Someone is holding me and I can’t help the tremble that comes over me. I feel his grip tighten and he sighs. Looking, I see that Cameron is slouched over and has me in his arms. My fear disappears at the realization it is him and not the man who haunts my nightmares. He must have sensed me watching him because his eyes spring open and he immediately moves his arms from my body. The sting of the loss is almost enough to bring those few tears from our kiss back, but I know there would be more because these would not be tears of happiness but ones of loss.
Quickly, I move away from him and I see his eyes scrunch up but other than that he gives nothing away. He’s just watching me and something in his gaze makes me feel like he’s only doing this out of pity. Jumping up, I run into my room. Closing my door behind me, I lock it and slide down the back of the door to the ground. I can feel my eyes stinging, begging me to give in, but I won’t. I feel something press against the door and I hear Cameron breathing heavily on the other side of it.
“Fate. I am so sorry,” he says softly from behind my door.
“Leave,” I say because if he keeps this up, I’m going to crack.
He hits the door, and I scream out as the impact bumps me off the door. “Fate, fuck. I am so sorry. Please just open the door. I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I’m sorry if I scared you when you woke up with my hands on you. I won’t let it happen again if that’s what you want.” What?
Turning around, I slowly turn the lock, crawl to the other side of the room away from the door, and press my back against the wall. “Come in,” I whisper and somehow he hears me. The door opens and the man before me is not the rock star I’m used to dealing with. All the confidence he usually has appears to have been stripped from him. He looks lost and ashamed. Something that breaks me apart inside because I did this and I don’t know what to say to fix it. I’m the problem and I don’t know how to fix me.
“You didn’t ask for any of this,” I whimper and I see him quickly cross the space between us. He is now bent down before me. I know he wants to touch me but is scared I will pull away.
“I am asking for this. Give me a chance to show you everything you deserve,” he answers. “Fate, I’m sorry if I startled you, then I let my anger with myself for touching you without permission get the better of me. I didn’t mean to frighten you.” The pain in his face makes me push through my own. Grabbing the blanket beside me on my bed, I wrap it around me. He just watches me as I push him slightly so that he is sitting down before me. Slowly, I crawl into his lap, making sure my skin is covered, having the blanket act as a barrier between us. I hate that it is between us, but I know if I flinch or look the slightest bit uncomfortable he’ll know it and blame himself.
“Baby steps,” I say, and he just smiles, agreeing with me as he holds me in his arms gently. If someone had told me I’d be here when I got to school, I would’ve told them to get their head checked, but here I am, feeling safe in the arms of another.
We sit like this for a while before I remember we have classes. Cameron seems happy to just sit here and miss school, but I’m not going to let him do that. He does try to persuade me.
We meet up at the end of the school day and he asks me to come with him to a party. I tell him it isn’t my thing, but Cecilia is there and she doesn’t take no for an answer like Cameron does. So here I sit in her bedroom dressed and I feel naked. My hair is curled and I have makeup on. Looking in the mirror, I feel as if I don’t even see me anywhere in the reflection before me. Cecilia assures me this is what everyone will look like.
Waiting for the guys to come get us, Cecilia seems too excited, which makes my anxiety rise. “Cameron is going to flip shit when he sees you.” I’m not sure if that is supposed to help my uncertainty but it only makes my feelings about this escalate.