Beautifully Destroyed(20)

“It was before my mom died. My dad had passed away when I was just a baby and that broke my mom apart. She was dating this guy when I was almost sixteen who started getting rough with her.” I feel her breath labor and I want to stop. She doesn’t need my shit. Her eyes tell me to continue and I can’t refuse her. “I walked in on it and I lost it, Fate. All I saw was red and I beat that asshole within an inch of his pathetic life. When I threw him out, I told him if he ever came back I’d finish what I started. He never came back. Good thing he didn’t because I wasn’t bluffing and that’s the scariest part.”

“Cameron, you did what anyone would have. He was hurting your mother, that doesn’t make you a bad person.” Her sweet words give me comfort that I haven’t felt in years. “What happened to your mom, Cameron? Mine passed away in a car accident,” she states and those walls of hers are starting to form windows.

“This is what makes me the bad person, Fate. I don’t think I can tell you.” The guilt is still there.

“Cameron, my mom was on the way to get me from school. She was late and I had given her a hard time the last time she was late because I didn’t like having to wait in front of the office. She was supposed to be taking me to the Aquarium, she had promised. She was rushing so that I could get there and have a few hours before they closed. She was rushing for me and my stupid fish obsession.” This is the most she’s let me in since the day I met her. I don’t think she has a clue how much it means to hear her telling me about her life, even though I know she thinks this makes her weak. She’s never said it, but I know showing emotions is something she doesn’t do. Not because she doesn’t feel them, but someone made her think that it was a weakness.

“After my mom realized he wasn’t coming back, she hated me. She got into drugs and I couldn’t deal. Instead of helping her, I left and went to live with Scott’s family. They knew about my mom’s struggles and took me in with no questions asked. Five weeks later, my mom overdosed and it wasn’t until the mail started piling up that anyone thought to check on her. I buried her a few days before I turned sixteen. I didn’t even let Scott or his parents come with me. I did it alone.”

Fate’s hand rests against my chest and her touch soothes me from the memories threatening to break free. “You were just a child, you aren’t expected to handle those types of things. Your mom was sick and you couldn’t help her. You did what you had to. You got out, who knows what could have happened to you if you had stayed. Drugs or more violence that you couldn’t walk away from, no I can’t even.” She takes a pause. “That’s something I just don’t want to think about. You have to let it go.”

“Fate, I won’t make you tell me. You will when you’re ready or you may never and that’s okay too. But you were just a child too. So let’s both take your advice.” She looks away from me for a moment, and I worry that she’s putting those walls back up around her beautiful self.

“It was after my mom died. Someone hurt me, in more ways than one. They made me feel used and alone. Touching, the dark, music…it was all ruined for me. I’m just starting to get small pieces of that back, thanks to you.” Her words warm me and I see her go to sit up. I let her this time. Turning around, she places both her hands on my chest, and I freeze under her gaze. “Close your eyes,” she says softly, and I immediately comply.

I feel her hands grip my shirt and I’m stunned when I feel her lips softly press against mine. She lingers there for a moment, then pulls away and I open my eyes. My fingers find my lips, touching them like I can’t believe she just did that. Looking at her, I see a single tear running down her face. My happiness turns south at the sight of her. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t even stop to think if you wanted me to. How stupid of me,” she states as she pulls away from me. Without thinking, I wrap my hands around her wrists, holding her in place before she can put any more distance between us.

“I meant you didn’t have to do that for me. To help my pain, it only added to yours and that’s even more painful to me than all this shit.” Her eyes open wide at my confession.

“I didn’t do it just for your pain. I did it for mine. That was my baby step,” she says as she comes to me again, placing her hands on my chest as she leans in this time, putting her lips firmly against mine. She breaks away and there are a few tears falling this time. “I did it. We did it,” she says with a smile on her face and in that moment I realize that these are happy tears.