Barbarian’s Mate(7)

He’s silent for so long that I wonder for a moment if he even hears me. “It…is complicated.”

“What about this isn’t?”

“Mmm.”

I wait patiently. When it seems like nothing else is forthcoming, I prompt him again. “Well?”

I can practically hear his scowl. “It is not something I like to talk about.”

“But as your….” I look for a word other than mate, “resonance partner, don’t I deserve to know the whole story?”

“Drink your tea,” he says in a sour voice. He gets up and moves to the fire, stirring the coals with a long, smooth bone.

I toy with the idea of tossing my tea in his face, but I end up drinking it because it’s tasty and that would be a waste of perfectly good tea. Jerk. Why did I think he’d be any different if we were mated? He’s as prickly and unlikeable as ever.

Even as I think vindictive things about him, he sighs heavily and his shoulders seem to slump. “It is…hard for me to speak of it.”

I feel a twinge of pity. “I’m sorry.”

“You have a right to know,” he says, and his voice is gruff. “And it will get no easier, no matter my reluctance.” He pokes at the fire again, staring down into the red coals. “Her name was Zalah.”

Oh. So…it’s true? I feel a gnawing sense of jealousy, which surprises me. Why do I care that he was mated to someone else before me? “I thought you couldn’t have more than one mate?” My tone is snippy and I feel a little ashamed, but I also want to know the truth. “Is that a lie?”

“Not a lie.” He pokes at the fire again. “As I have said, it is complicated. I think I am the only male in such an unlucky situation.”

“Wow, thanks for that slap.”

He grunted. “It was not meant as a slap at you. I would…I would have preferred not to resonate to her. But I did. She was only a few seasons younger than my mother and had long been with her pleasure-mate. I was younger than Taushen, barely out of my kit seasons and had just been made a hunter. I resonated to her and she took one look at me and laughed.”

I cringe. I try to imagine Haeden - proud, scowling Haeden - as a teen boy, barely older than Farli. I picture him excited over the prospect of resonance, because every male sa-khui wants nothing more than a rare, prized mate. And then I imagine her being old enough to be his mom and laughing in his face. It’s not a pretty scenario. I clutch my teacup harder. “What did you do?”

Haeden gives a grim little laugh. “What could I do? I was young, untried, and uncertain of myself. All I knew was that my khui said she was mine, and she said she was not. So I thought I would be patient and wait for her.”

I’m surprised. Patience is not one of his virtues. And something tells me that it didn’t turn out well. “What happened?”

He stares into the fire. “I never claimed her. She refused to yield to her khui’s demands and days turned into a moon. I was sick with need and so was she, but she did not care. I think she wanted to hold out for as long as she could to punish me for disrupting her life.”

That hits a little close to home. “Maybe she liked the way things were.”

“It does not matter. The khui chooses, always.” He shakes his head at the fire and won’t look over at me. “Around this time, the khui-sickness struck. My mother and father were hit by it, and so were Zalah and her mate. I was, too. There were very few in the tribe that were not affected, and Maylak had not developed her healer’s powers yet.”

The spicy tea I’ve been enjoying sours in my stomach. “Oh.”

“When I returned to consciousness, my body was weak and near death. My khui was gone, burned up in my chest from its efforts to save me.” He rubs his breast thoughtfully. “I am the only one struck by the sickness to survive.” He looks over at me, and his eyes are glowing blue. “Zalah and her pleasure-mate did not live. Those of the tribe that remained hunted a sa-kohtsk and placed a new khui in my breast in the hopes it would take. It did, and I grew better.”

I’m silent. What can I possibly say? It’s a horrible story, from start to finish. My khui continues to hum, ever vocal about its choice.

“So you ask how I can have a mate and yet resonate to you? That is how. And that is why I consider myself unlucky.” There is a harsh tone to his voice, and I don’t blame him for being angry at the telling. It’s clear they’re bad memories.

“I see.” So basically no one can get around resonance unless a horrible tragedy happens and the khui dies.

Or is removed…

My hands tremble and tea sloshes on my fingers. The surgery machine back at the elders’ ship — it would work. I was going to use it to have my IUD removed, like Kira had her translator removed. Harlow said it was broken…

But Harlow can fix a lot of things.

I feel a surge of hope for the first time in days. “Haeden,” I breathe, looking over at him. “What if we had our khuis removed to get out of the resonance?”

“What?” He turns to look at me, his voice an angry growl. His khui hums loudly, as if protesting my idea.

“There’s a machine back at the elders’ cave,” I say, breathless. “It can fix physical ailments - mend wounds, things like that. We could have it remove our khuis! Then we aren’t stuck resonating to each other!”

He gets to his feet. “Madness—“

“No!” I say quickly. “It’ll work! And we’ll just do another sa-kohtsk hunt and get fresh khuis! Khuis that won’t resonate to each other. We’ll be free.” I mean, surely a khui wouldn’t resonate to the same person a second time, would it?

“You would ask me to give up my chance at a mate?” Haeden’s voice is incredulous. Angry, too. He starts to walk over to my bed, crossing the cave.

I shrink back. Okay, it is a little selfish, but I’m thinking of myself and the fact that I don’t want to be tied to him. I’m thinking of the child we would inevitably have that would grow up in a home where the parents hated each other. “Then I’ll be the one to get it done.”

“It does not matter,” he bellows, leaning over me. “Vektal burned with resonance for Georgie before she ever had a khui! Do you think this ache for you would go away if your khui was gone?” He slams a hand over his vibrating chest. “Do you think it cares?”

He’s roaring with anger now, so loud that I’m sure people several caves over can hear him. I wince. “Not so loud—“

“Why?” He gets even louder, shouting the words. “Do you think anyone in this cave does not know we are resonating, Jo-see? Do you think no one knows of your dislike for me? You have made that quite clear.” His eyes are blazing. “I should not be surprised that you would be so selfish.”

“Selfish?” I gasp, angry at his words. “I’m selfish because I want to be happy? Because I don’t want to be tied down to a miserable bastard?” I get to my feet and shove the near-empty cup of tea into his hands. “So it’s either my happiness or yours, is that it? Am I wrong for wanting to pick mine?”

“You are! The khui has chosen. You cannot unchoose it!” He moves closer, leaning over me. He’s enormous, over seven feet tall and all muscle. Oddly though, I’m not scared. I know he would never hurt me. I’m just pissed. I’m pissed that I find him sexy when he’s angry, and I’m pissed that I keep noticing how good he smells. “You think you can unchoose resonance?”

“I’m willing to give it a shot,” I retort.

“You may say what you want, but you are wrong. You think there is nothing worse than resonating to me? I know what is worse. The silence in your chest when your mate is gone.” His words are rough with anger. “And you would do that to me a second time?”

I glare at him mutely.

“You think I cannot smell the juices in your cunt, Jo-see? You think I do not hear your little moans as you sleep? Your body wants mine.” He leans in closer, and his face is so close to mine I’d swear he’s going to kiss me. “Your body has accepted that I am your mate. Give in.”

I’m scandalized, a bit aroused, and utterly appalled all at once. I slap a hand on his chest. “Back off.”

He takes a step backward, but I sense smugness in those narrow, glowing eyes. “I will not touch you unless you request it, Jo-see. In that, I have not changed. You will need relief soon, and I will be here waiting.”

He’s right. Unless I figure out a way to remove our khuis and make us both happy, I’m going to have to crawl to him at some point. Already my pulse is pounding and my pussy throbbing at the thought. It’s just going to get worse, too. It’s like an itch or a sunburn that’s escalating in its discomfort. At some point, I’m not going to be able to stand any more of it.

And then I’ll be trapped.

But today’s not that day. “You know what? I’m done here.” I push my way past him and head for the mouth of the cave. “You can go fuck yourself. I’m going to go stay with Tiffany.”

“You will return,” he says darkly.