Bang Gang(18)

"Let's hope it stays that way."

"Should do, I've made it pretty clear around the village where people  need to be coming if they've got anything to say. They can say it to me,  not whisper about the pissing place."

I nodded. "Good. Hopefully that's the end of it, then."

He grunted at me, and then the kids were back, already arguing whose turn it was on the laptop.

They took a break in negotiations to say goodbye to their dad, then  disappeared into the living room to get Nanna's take on their dilemma.

"I'd best be going," Darren said.

"Thanks for having them," I said.

"Pleasure," he said.

"Ok, then," I smiled.

"Right, then," he smiled back.

"I'll see you …  around."

"Be seeing you."

He didn't look back, but my heart raced like a fucking horse until his truck was out of sight.

Disappointed. I was so fucking disappointed.

In myself.

Because I hadn't asked him, and I'd wanted to. Shit, I'd really wanted to.

I should have just dropped it in, should have said …

I took a deep breath, pulled myself together.

Tomorrow, I thought. No dicking about, just a straight question. Where  could possibly be the harm in that? Just a customer, like any other  customer …  why shouldn't I be?

I went back inside to referee laptop-wars before they drove poor Nanna to the brandy.





I toyed with doing it by text, but that seemed so chicken-shit, and the  thought of giving Darren the chance to formulate a rejection was more  than I could bear. Maybe I should have opted for a quick call, called  him at the garage and booked it in just like a car repair. I mean,  that's what everyone else was probably doing, right?

I didn't fucking know.

Urgh.

I gave ladies-who-lunch a miss this week, opting for the extra hours. It  appears nobody else much fancied it either, as there was no sign of  Mandy, Debbie or Steph at our usual allotted time. I served our other  Monday morning customers with my usual smile, and slowly but surely the  string of compliments and impressed grins worked their magic on me. My  confidence grew, little by little, and by lunchtime I was determined.  Now or never, make or break. No big deal.

It's not as if I didn't know him. Of course I knew him. And this was  just a business transaction. How wrong could it possibly go?

A text message came in from Tonya.

Is it done yet? All booked in?

On my way to the booking office, I replied, wish me luck. This is your fault if it all goes wrong.

You'll be thanking me later, she said.

I bloody hoped so.

I'd thought about it at length over the weekend. Hell, truth be told I'd  hardly thought about anything else. I can't say that the thought of  spending Pop Pop's inheritance money on a five-man orgy filled me with a  massive amount of pride, but it was true to the sentiment in his  instructions. It would surely be an experience of a lifetime, for good  or for bad.                       
       
           



       

I just hoped Darren would appreciate my perspective on that.

There was no Porsche outside the garage when I pulled up  –  thank fuck  for that. The garage itself was relatively quiet, the usual jam of cars  stacked up waiting for their turn, but no customers in sight. I pulled  up in front of the shutters, and felt eyes on me, all five pairs of  them. Shit.

Darren stepped outside, armed with his usual intense stare, and I nearly  crapped my new frilly knickers and reversed the car straight out of  there. I took a breath, plastered on a big smile as I turned off the  ignition. He'd lit up a cigarette by the time I'd made my way over. He  puffed away with his eyes on me.

I heard a chorus of wolf whistles behind him, and he shot a godawful  glare over his shoulder, slapped his palm against the shutters.

"Knock it off," he barked, then he turned back to me. "Something up?"

My smile was too big, much too big. "No. Well, maybe … "

"What?" he said, and he looked worried. "Is it the girls?"

I felt like a tit. "No!" I said. "No, nothing like that. It's about me."

"What about you? Something wrong?"

I took a breath. Jesus. This had seemed so much easier in my head. "I'm  fine," I said. "I have a …  question …  it's nothing major, no big deal … "

"Too big a deal for a text, it seems."

"It's more … " I stepped closer. "Personal … "

He raised his eyebrows. "Personal?"

I closed my eyes. Now or never. "I want to book in for a service," I  said. "A special service. I mean, if it's good enough for Mandy Taylor  and that blonde woman in the Porsche it's good enough for me." I was in  flow and I couldn't stop. "I'm a woman, Darren, the same as them. I have  fantasies. I have …  needs. I may not be as …  obvious as they are, but I'm  as up for this shit as anyone else in the village, and if they're all  doing it then why can't I?" I paused. "I mean, I can, can't I? You don't  need to be …  some kind of … "

"Slut?" he said.

I held up a finger. "I was going to say supermodel, but slut will do." I smiled. "So, how about it? Do you have a diary …  or … ."

His expression was like thunder, his jaw hard. My bravado deflated, drooped like a saggy tit.

"No," he said. Just like that. "No fucking way."

I'm sure I gulped like a fish, and then I asked the most basic question  in the whole universe, delivered without any finesse whatsoever. "Why  not?"

"You're not signing up for a fucking gangbang, Jo, no fucking way." His  voice was raised, and I caught Buck turn his head from the corner of my  eye. I felt the heat rising up, not just the burn of my cheeks, this  heat was all over me, prickling my arms, my chest, as though every part  of me was glowing beetroot.

"But I … " I started. "I've thought this through. It's what I want. Why  can't I?" My confidence dissipated and I felt small and pathetic. I  remembered Porsche-bitch's dismissive glance, Mandy Taylor's glee as she  told me how fucking amazing it was. I held my ground regardless of how  shitty it felt. "Mandy Taylor isn't all that, Trent, and neither was  that blonde you had here. If they're bloody acceptable then why aren't  I?"

He shook his head. "It's got nothing to do with being fuckable, Jodie.  That's what you fucking mean, isn't it? Like we pick out the fucking hot  ones. Like there's some fucking merit system, nice fucking tits, let's  give her a go. We don't give a fuck about that. I don't give a fuck  about that."

"Then what?" I felt the beginnings of anger. "What has it got to do with?"

He stubbed out his cigarette. "Just no."

The little plume of anger was blooming, shooting right up my spine. "Just no?!"

"Just no!" he snapped, and turned tail. "I'm not booking you in for a fucking gangbang, end of fucking story."

I folded my arms. "But you will book Mandy Taylor in for one? What's so  special about Mandy fucking Taylor, Trent? Why can she pay for a good  fucking time but I can't? My money's as good as hers!"                       
       
           



       

He stopped in his tracks, and he was simmering, absolutely seething. I  knew this look well. We'd argued like this more times than I cared to  remember, when things were going tits up all around us and we couldn't  agree on any-fucking-thing anymore. "What money?" he said. "How do you  think you're going to pay for this shit, Jo? It's not like a bastard TV  subscription, we're talking hundreds of fucking pounds, you saw that  fucking box of mine."

I felt my resolve faltering. I couldn't even say the words, and he knew, he fucking knew.

I think I preferred his angry face to this one. This one was horrible.  Shock, disappointment. Maybe a bit of disgust. He had some fucking  cheek, but I didn't feel that, I just felt the shame.

"Don't say it, don't even fucking think it," he said. "That's not for  this. He wouldn't have wanted this. Fucking hell, Jo, what the fuck?"

"He would have wanted me to live, Darren. How I choose to live is up to me."

"Fine, live. But I won't be a fucking part of this shit. You won't be getting your kicks here."

Be damned if I was going to back down now. I willed myself to stay calm,  to stay cool, to stay anything but the embarrassed little Jodie whose  confidence was taking a battering when it was just getting started. "And  you speak for everyone, do you?"

He stared right at me. "Yes. I fucking do."

I took a step forward, cleared my throat. "How about it, guys?" I  shouted. "If it's good enough for Mandy, how about letting me have a go?  I can pay!"