Bad Wolf(107)

I think for the thousandth time about the lion pendant. I really am going to go over to his apartment and give it to him. See him. Let him explain what happened once more.

But how can I be objective about this when I'm face to face with him? My brain stops when I'm near him, when I see his eyes, hear his voice-which is why I've been avoiding him. Even hearing the voice messages he'd been leaving me threatens my resolve, so I've begun deleting them without hearing them.

But he hasn't gone out. Hasn't been with another girl.

My head spinning, I poke at my burger and onion rings, then end up drinking my soda and ignoring the rest. Ev, on the contrary, has been scarfing down everything so fast I'm afraid she'll choke.

"Hey, slow down. Doesn't Micah give you enough to eat?" I steal one of her onion rings-because hers look so much better than mine, of course-and deftly snatch my hand back before she slaps at it. "Must be the workout he puts you through every night, I guess."

She scowls at me.

"Seriously … " I swallow hard. "May I ask you for a favor?"

She chews on a bite of her burger, her golden eyes narrowing. "You want Micah's diet plan?"

"Not likely. After seeing how hungry he lets you go … " I put down my soda. "No, I'd like you to check a name through the system."

"The system?"

"Yeah, the social system. Can you do that?"

"What do you think I am, FBI?" But she's laughing. "I could try, I guess. Ask Audrey's mother if she could do some digging for me. What name would that be?"

"Helen." I lick my suddenly dry lips. "Helen McRoy."

What am I doing?

"Helen McRoy. Anything else you can tell me about her?"

"She was here in Madison, living on the streets, maybe four or five years ago. Then she left and her tracks vanished. I want to know …  if she's dead. What happened to her."

Ev puts down her half-eaten burger. "Okay. Is it someone you used to know? Does it have to do with Nick?"

"No. Nothing to do with Nick, and I didn't know her. But she was important to someone."

Someone I care about. Someone who asked me to trust him.

And no matter how scared that makes me, I think I want to try.



I spend the rest of my day making jewelry and preparing packages for the orders I received. Dizzily I move about the house-telling myself it's because of the orders that keep rolling in, but knowing deep inside that it's because of finally deciding to trust Jesse.

As soon as I made up my mind, all the things he told me, the things he did-the things I tried to forget in my anger-return, and I dance around the apartment, glad Kayla isn't there to see me. She's gone out to meet with some friends, leaving me alone.

Which is a good thing, because when the doorbell rings and a package is placed in my hands, with a request to sign in order to receive it, I'm in a complete daze.

I sign, close the door and I wander back into the living room where I drop onto the sofa. I zero in on the small card immediately.

"I miss you, Embers."

The words on the small card blur in my eyes. Oh JJ. I miss you, too.

Turns out I didn't need to hear his voice or see his face for my resolve to crumble. The memory of him was enough.

I open the box and smile when I see the chocolates. Roses or chocolates, he'd said, or whatever you like.

Heart thumping, I consider calling him right now. I even pick up my cell phone from the table, but no. I need to do this in person, looking into his eyes.

Tonight. It's his day off, and yeah, funny how I know by heart which are his afternoons and days off, how I've stored them in my brain as vital information. I'll pass by tonight to talk with him and give him the pendant.

Meanwhile, lots of little packages are ready to be mailed, so I leave the chocolates on my bed, grab everything and head out.

My heart is light for the first time since the wedding. Or maybe since ever. Shedding the doubt and anger was a conscious decision. Choosing to love Jesse wasn't, but it's all coming together.

I've lived the past few years in a bubble, taking no risks, making no moves. Now I'm treading deep water. Taking the plunge was the hardest part. I need to keep swimming and trust in my instinct. In my feelings.

In him.

As I push the door closed with my hip, loaded with two plastic bags full of my packaged jewelry, my cell rings. My thoughts on Jesse, I drop the bags and whip out the cell.                       
       
           



       

"Yeah?" Breathless, I sit on the top step of the stairs.

"Amber? Is everything okay, were you running?"

I snort. "Ev. No, I wasn't. I'm heading to the post office."

"I've got some news for you. About Nick Harris."

Frowning, I change the cell to my other ear. "What did you find out?"

"Nick has found God."

I blink. "You're kidding me."

"I'm not."

"He's a priest?"

"No, not yet anyway. But he's openly repented in the church he attends about his past ways, and has promised to do only good from now on. He volunteers for charities, helps out with the homeless …  You name it."

"Can't believe it." I rub my forehead. I can feel a headache starting. "He was a frigging bully, for chrissakes."

"A repentant one. Also some awful stuff came out about his family. His older brother bullied him, too, apparently."

"Not good enough," I grumble. It isn't. Wasn't Asher also bullied by his father? I remember the story Ev told me. But he turned out just fine. "Not even close."

"I know." She sighs into the phone. "Anyway. I wanted to let you know, oh and that he works for an event organizer. The one who organized Asher's and Audrey's wedding reception. No wonder we both saw him there. He must have found your address on the guest list."

"Crap." Fear shudders through me.

"Look, I got to go now. Come have a coffee with me in the afternoon? There's this new café near State Street, and Kayla might drop by, too. We can talk about this."

I get the name and address of the café, and promise to go. Then I disconnect and let out a long breath.

Coffee with the girls is always fun. There will be some gossip and plans to go shopping, or do our hair or watch a movie. I love those girls. Yeah, Kayla has been growing on me, too.

But truth is, I can't take my mind off Jesse, and I can't wait for evening when he's off work to finally see him.



After a morning of running about, mailing my packages and shopping-I love Kayla, but her dinner options are a toss between tortilla chips with dip and ice cream-I'm looking forward to meeting the girls and grabbing some lunch there.

Stomach grumbling, I put away the groceries, drink some cold water, and head back out. Tall trees line part of the street, foliage rustling, throwing dappled shadows on the sidewalk. I pull down my sunglasses and squint up into the bright sunlight.

"Amber!" someone calls, and I stiffen. "Can we talk?"

Nick Harris is striding toward me, dressed in a blue T-shirt with a smiley face on it and white shorts. His handsome face is drawn into a small frown.

His hated, arrogant face, the face that sneered at me and laughed at me too many times to count while he and his minions broke my pens, tore my notebooks, called me names and circulated awful rumors about me.

"Why would I want to talk to you?" I bite out the words, surprised that the tremor inside me doesn't reach my voice. "Go away, Nick. I'm not weak anymore."

"You never were," he says, and I wait for him to catch up with me, not even sure why. "Would you have coffee with me?"

"No, I wouldn't." Is he serious? "What do you want?"

"Fair enough." He smiles, rubs his chin. His blue eyes are clear when he looks back up. "I know I hurt you in the past, Amber, and since I found out you were back in town, I wanted to talk to you."

"Why?" The million dollar question.

"To say I'm sorry."

His words hang in the bright sunlight, incongruous and unexpected, despite what Ev told me this morning.

I don't know what to say, how to react. Is everything okay because he's sorry? Can I forgive him? He pushed me to the very edge of sanity. He pushed me until I thought life wasn't what it's cracked up to be. That ending it might be a solution.

I turn to go, my muscles shaking with the need to start running until I can't go on anymore. "Good for you," I whisper.

"Please." He circles me, holding out something. "My card. Take it. I know what I did was unforgivable. But who knows? Maybe one day you will find it in you to forgive me. If there's anything I can do for you, all you have to do is ask."

Okay. Who is this guy, and what has he done with Nick Harris? I take his card, numb, nod, and watch him walk away.

Jesus. With a shudder, I stick his card into my purse and draw in a fortifying breath. I survived the meeting. I faced my bully and didn't flinch. Didn't run away.                       
       
           



       

A smile spreads on my face. I did it. I faced my fear.