Bad Wolf(106)

Yeah. Piece of cake. I click on my inbox to check my emails. I do that every morning, a habit I picked up a year ago because of assignments.

"You've never fallen in love, then?" I scroll down. "Ever?"

"Of course not. Love is too much work."

I glance at the roses, left by Kayla on the low coffee table. "Gifts are a sign of a guilty conscience, right?"

"The only signs I know are star signs. Besides, Micah gives Ev gifts all the time, and I don't think he's feeling guilty for leaving hickeys on her neck. I think …  Hey!" She suddenly picks the laptop off my lap and stares at it. "Did you see that?"

"No, because you took my laptop away. See what, Kay?"

"Customers! You got customers!"

"What?" We wrestle for the laptop and I win. I settle it back in my lap and check out the emails.

Customers. She's right. People who want to order my jewelry. And not just my friends from Chicago. Unknown people. People whose names I've never heard of before.

Whoa. Unbelievable.

The bracelets seem to be a success. The earrings, too.

Holy crap. I stare at the emails, Kayla squealing beside me like a piglet, and all I can see in my mind's eye is the pendant I wanted to give Jesse.

Why not? No matter what, despite my anger and misery, I want him to be okay, and if that pendant helps him fight his demons …

Damn. If I make money from my jewelry, and maybe return to college and study art, then I'll have achieved my goal. This is what I came here for, to make it work, make my dreams come true and to stand on my own two feet.

Talking of dreams …  A hot flush travels up my neck. No, I won't think of dreams of Jesse right now, or the half-formed dreams I had of being with him.

I'm here. The older me would have turned and run. Run back to Chicago and my parents, the new-found safety, the cocoon they built around me.

Don't get me wrong. I honestly believe they saved my life by moving away. My thoughts were very dark back then, and I wouldn't trust myself not to harm myself. There had been moments life had held no meaning. Wasn't worth living.

But they pulled me out of it-took me far from the bullies, found me a good therapist, kept watch over me. Kept me sane, kept me alive.

And if falling for Jesse was like tumbling down the rapids with no life vest on, and if hitting the rocks hurt, that only means I've let go of the life line, and I'm paddling now on my own. Life can hurt. But unless you let go, you can't really live it.

I won't regret my time with Jesse.

God, thinking of him in the past tense hurts too much, so instead I click open the page of the University of Madison and check to see what I need to do for my transfer.



When I walk out of the building around midday to meet with Ev for lunch, I feel a prickling sensation on the back of my neck and turn around quickly.

A guy is heading my way. Crap, he looks like Nick, only bigger than I remember him.

This can't be happening. It can't be Nick. Can't be.

Yet, without any conscious thinking on my part, I start to run. My purse flapping at my side, I race across the street, cars honking at me, and dive into a busy side street.

"Amber!" I hear a man's voice yelling behind me, and I run faster. "Wait!"

Oh my God. Oh God. He even sounds like Nick. The voice from my nightmares.

I duck into a shop and hide behind the door, like a prop from a cheap movie, the lady behind the register opening her mouth to say something.

I put a finger to my lips and give her an imploring look.

She frowns at me.

A guy comes pounding down the street, then he slows down to a stop and looks around. "Amber."

Good God, it is Nick. It's really him, or else a clone. Yes, he is taller and broader than I remember-but the face is the same.

My stomach drops to my shoes. Ice trickles into my bones. I back away, into the store, hiding between the shelves, trying to control the shivers. I half expect him to stroll inside, shove me down on my ass and invite his friends to laugh at me.

This is hell. Nausea rises in my throat. I think I'm going to be sick, and I drop to my knees and curl into the smallest ball possible, trying to fade into nothing.

I'm still hiding a good while later when the cashier comes to talk to me.

"What's wrong? Should I call the cops?" She's not that old, only the crease between her brows and some gray hairs at her temples indicating she isn't my age. "I hope this isn't some prank you're playing in my shop."                       
       
           



       

"Not a prank," I assure her. "The man outside who was yelling me name-is he gone?"

"Your name? Amber?"

I nod, sweat rolling down my back.

"He's gone." She shakes her head as she returns to her place behind the counter, and I'm sure she still thinks it's a stupid prank.

I don't care. I thank her and step out, feeling cold in spite of the sunny day.

Ev is waiting for me at a diner she discovered tucked into a tiny alley. She waves at me and I go to join her at the back. Sliding into my vinyl seat, I do my best to smile and forget what happened.

Still don't understand how Nick found me. What he wants from me.

I shiver and grab the plastic menu to cover it. "What are you having?"

"The burgers are divine." She's checking her phone, distracted. "And the onion rings."

"Perfect. I'll have the same." I throw the menu back on the table, the thought of food making me queasy. "So how have you been?"

Ev isn't fooled one bit by my performance, though. The moment she looks up from her phone, her smile drops.

"What happened now? Did you run into Jesse again?"

I think of the white roses waiting in a vase, so delicate and beautiful. "No." I sigh, fold my hands on the table in front of me. I'm still rattled, and at least this is something I'd talk to Ev about-in contrast to Jesse and the roses. "I ran into Nick Harris."

Ev gasps and reaches for me, covers my hands with hers. Now she knows everything about those dark years of my life and doesn't have to ask who Nick Harris is.

"When? What happened?"

"That's the thing. I didn't just run into him." My hands shake underneath hers. "He followed me. Ran after me, shouting my name." I swallow hard. "I hid inside a store until he left. Why would he do that?"

"I don't know, girl. Makes no sense to me."

Me neither. "He was outside my building, waiting for me to come out. He knows where I live, Ev."

"Crap. Should we tell the police?" She bites her lower lip, deep in thought. "Hey, wasn't he at the wedding reception?"

"You saw him, too? I thought I was going crazy." Shit.

"I will ask Audrey. I see her often, because we have moved close to her."

"Okay." My heart is beating uncomfortably fast.

"Maybe he just wants to talk to you," Ev says, pulling her hands away when a waitress approaches.

"What would he have to say to me?"

She shrugs, then rattles off our order and leans back. "I don't know. But what would he do if he caught you in the middle of the street?"

Honestly, no clue. I just can't let him catch me. As it's become my habit in the last two weeks, I rub the band at my wrist. It smells of leather and faintly, of Jesse.

"What are you doing?" Ev snickers. "Are you sniffing your bracelet?"

I lower my hand hurriedly. "And if I am?"

"Is that … ?" She falls silent when our food arrives, then leans forward again. "Is that Jesse's?" She gives a small, sad smile. "I do that with Micah's stuff. I'd roll in his scent all night and day if I could."

My lips tremble, and I press them together. "And if it is Jesse's? Will you tell me again how stupid I was to fall for him? I know, okay?"

"Oh, girlfriend." Ev's eyes look wet, and I don't know why. "I'm sorry. What if I was wrong for telling you not to trust him?"

"Wrong? You saw what he did."

"I saw what everyone saw. But what if he's telling the truth? What if she came on to him and he was only trying to push her away?"

Innocent until proven guilty?

"Now you're on his side?"

"He's been telling everyone he didn't kiss her. Dammit, I love Cassie. She's my friend, but this time … " A tear rolls down Ev's cheek. "She's lusted after Jesse for a long time. She thinks they are alike. That for them both sex is meaningless. She may have pushed her luck with him at the reception."

A breath is locked in my lungs. Could it be?

"The guys say he hasn't gone out once since the wedding," Ev goes on, "that he hasn't been seen with a single chick. That he looks devastated. That he isn't acting like himself."

The thought of Jesse devastated makes my stomach twist.

What if he is telling the truth?

The guy who gave me his one prized possession, who told me he wanted to be with me. What if I'm the one who's in the wrong?                       
       
           



       

But what if I'm not? After putting my heart through the ringer once for him, how can I risk it again? I'm still bleeding inside.