As Sure as the Dawn(40)

“Then you must guard yourself. God is faithful, Rizpah. Set your mind upon pleasing him. He won’t allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able to withstand and he will provide the way of escape also, that you may be able to endure it.”

“I will try to be strong.”

“Don’t trust in your own strength. None of us is strong in him or herself. It’s the Lord who upholds us.”

She rose again, restless. “I wish I could come back to Ephesus and live in the insula. Life was easier and far less complicated.” Better had she never met Atretes at all, for even now, away from him, she couldn’t stop thinking about him.

“There are days when I struggle, too,” John said.

She turned, surprised. “You? But you’re an apostle.”

“I’m human, just like you are.”

“There’s no one else left like you, John. You’re the last apostle. All the others have gone to be with the Lord.”

“Yes,” he said, “and sometimes I ask the Lord why I’m still here on this earth. As much as I love you and the others, oh, how I long for the day when I’ll be face-to-face with Jesus again.”

Rizpah heard the longing in his voice and ached for him. She saw the gray in his hair and beard, the lines of age around his eyes. She came and knelt before him. Taking his hands, she kissed them. “I’m selfish,” she said in a choked whisper, “for I hope you’ll be with us a while longer.” She raised her head, her eyes swimming in tears. “When you’ve passed on, John, there’ll be no one left who walked with Jesus, who touched him and heard his voice. You’re the last living witness of the Christ.”

“No, beloved,” he said. “That’s why God gave us the Holy Spirit, that each one of us who accepts him as Savior and Lord may become a living witness to his love.” He took his hands from hers and cupped her face. “As you must be a living witness to Atretes.”

She closed her eyes. “I’m a poor witness.”

“God takes the poor, foolish things of this world to bring glory to his name. Jesus wasn’t born in the exalted halls of kings, but in a stable.” He put his hand on her shoulder. “We are all one in Christ, beloved. You know who the enemy is. Satan is a powerful adversary who knows you almost as intimately as does the Lord. He attacks through the mind and flesh, trying to separate you from Christ.”

“That doesn’t fill me with confidence. Who am I to fight Satan?”

He smiled tenderly. “You don’t. The Lord is with you and goes before you in battle. You only have to stand firm in your faith. Remember Paul’s letter to us. God has provided us with armor—the girding of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the sandals of the gospel of peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit which is the word of God.”

“I remember.”

“Each piece is another name for our Lord. Christ is our armor. He encloses us in his protection. Remember the things you’ve been taught. Renew your mind in Christ.”

“I know in my mind and still I struggle.” She rose, moving away again. “You know how difficult my own life was before I met Shimei and he brought me to you. What you don’t realize is Shimei had to constantly turn me back onto the path. He was so strong in his faith. Even when he was dying, he didn’t question God.” Her eyes burned with tears. “I’m not like him. I’m not like you. I lived so long in the streets and fought so hard for survival, it’s ingrained in me to go on doing the same thing.”

“Christ has made you a new creation.”

She laughed sadly. “Then perhaps salvation didn’t take because I’m the same stubborn, stiff-necked girl without a home who was stealing food in the marketplace, hiding from the gangs, and sleeping in doorways. Atretes reminds me of those days. He makes me want to fight back.” She turned away. “I thought I’d changed, John, and then I find myself with a man like him and the old me is resurrected. I’m not worthy to be called a Christian.”

He came to her and put his hands on her shoulders, turning her to face him. “None of us is worthy, Rizpah. It’s by God’s grace we’re saved and given an inheritance in heaven, and not through any righteousness of our own. You are a Christian. Your belief in Jesus makes you so.”

She gave him a bleak smile. “Would that I were a better one.”

His eyes warmed. “A commonly held goal.” He took her hand in both of his. “I’m confident that he who began a good work in you will perfect it.”