As Sure as the Dawn(39)

“Cast your burdens on the Lord. He will sustain you.”

“It’s ludicrous to think I could ever bring Atretes to a saving faith in Christ.”

“Christ will bring Atretes to saving faith, if it’s his will to do so. Not you. Your call is to show Atretes God’s love, just as Shimei showed you.”

Her eyes filled. Shimei. Blessed Shimei. “I understand,” she said softly.

He knew she did. “Pray with me,” he said and held out his hands to her. She came to him, and they knelt together.

The fear and tension began to ebb from her as she listened to John’s strong yet gentle voice. Surely the apostle’s prayers would be heeded more than hers. He was faithful and full of confidence in the Lord, while her own mind and heart were divided by turmoil. He had walked with Jesus.

I am weak, Lord. Forgive me. Please protect Caleb and raise him up to be zealous for you. I beseech you, Father, redeem Atretes. Bring him out of the darkness and into the light. Use me as you will.

John gave thanks for the food that had been set before them and helped her rise. A sense of serenity filled her; a peace she hadn’t felt since the day John had come to her and told her that Atretes wanted his son back.

“Now,” John said, smiling, “tell me what has transpired between you and Atretes.” He took a small loaf and broke it, giving her half.

She poured out every encounter with the ex-gladiator, from the first moment she had met him until the last conversation in the upper room of his villa. “He must leave Ephesus,” Rizpah said. “If he remains here, Sertes will find some way to make him fight again. The man has spies watching the villa every minute. He’s even sent men to ask questions about me in the city. If Sertes finds out that Caleb is Atretes’ son, I can’t even begin to imagine how he might use that information against Atretes . . . and what danger it would present to Caleb.” She took the pouch of gold Atretes had given her and handed it to John. “Atretes sent this. He wants to return to Germania. How far will it take us?”

John opened the pouch and spilled the gold coins into his hand. “About halfway to Rome,” he said and poured them back in. He set the pouch on the table between them.

“I must get word back to Atretes that we’ll need more money. I gave my word I would be in contact with him within two days. One is already gone.”

John watched her move restlessly and prayed for her silently. She peered out the window again and then drew back, her face pale. “Sertes’ spy is still outside,” she said. “He followed me from the villa. I tried to lose him, but . . .” A dozen consequences rose to torment her. “I never intended to bring trouble to your doorstep, John.”

“Sit and eat, Rizpah. You will need your strength for what’s ahead.”

“All of his money is invested in his estate,” Rizpah said, sitting down again.

“The Lord will provide what’s needed.”

“I hope the Lord will also provide maps. Atretes doesn’t know how to find his way to Germania, and all I know is it’s somewhere far north of Rome.” She blinked back tears. “I’ve heard it’s an uncivilized, barbaric place. If Atretes is an example of the people there . . .” Shaking her head, she held the bread clenched on her lap. “I can’t believe I suggested he return. What was I thinking? Even the thought of Germania fills me with an unspeakable dread.”

“The earth and all that’s on it is by God’s creation,” John said and smiled. “Even Germania.”

“I know, but it’s so far from you and Cleopas and all the others whom I love. And I’d be alone with Atretes, dependent upon his good will.” She gave a bleak laugh. “We can’t be in the same room together without some kind of argument arising between us.”

“Has he done you physical harm?”

“No, though he can be intimidating at times.” She looked away, remembering Atretes exercising in the gymnasium.

“Are you attracted to him?”

She blushed. Lowering her head, she said nothing for a long moment. “Yes, I am,” she finally admitted, embarrassed. “What’s worse, he knows it.”

“The Lord has put you together with Atretes for a purpose, Rizpah.”

She raised one brow. “To tempt me?”

“God cannot be tempted, nor does he tempt anyone. Our own lusts entice us and carry us away.”

“I haven’t been carried away yet. Nor do I intend to be.” She tore off a piece of bread and dipped it into the wine. She ate the morsel, gaining time to think. Her emotions were too confused to put into the right words. She looked at John, so calm in countenence and spirit. “It isn’t just Atretes’ physical beauty that draws me, John. It’s something deeper, something held tight inside him. He’s hard and fierce and violent, but he’s in terrible pain. He told me one night he remembers every man he ever killed.” Tears burned her eyes. “I look at him and . . .” She shook her head. “The desire to comfort him could open the way to . . . other desires.”