After the Affair(41)

He gazed down into her startled face and gave a sad little shake of his head, it was the blackest day of my life when I had to write that letter to you...letting you go...' He dragged in a deep, trembling breath then led her over to a visitor's chair at the foot of Jason's bed. 'Better sit down,' he explained. 'This could take some time.'

Cassie sank down in the chair in something of a daze, unsure of grasping on to the hope that was surging into her heart. Dared she believe that Dan had really loved her? That he might still? Yet something—possibly the bleakness on his face— warned her to be careful, to keep her vulnerability in check.

Dan wandered over to stare through the window into the night, his words floating across the room in an oddly detached fashion. 'I was twenty-six when I met Roberta, a qualified accountant with a flourishing business and a flair for finance—well on my way to making my first million. But I was lonely. I wanted to get married, start a family of my own. My only sister had moved to Perth when she married, and taken my widowed mother to live with her. I missed them...'

Dan turned and began to pace the room. His voice grew more emotional. Strained. 'Roberta was bright and lovely—fun to be with. A little immature, perhaps, but ‑' He stopped and slanted Cassie a rueful look. 'I was very arrogant in those days, so sure of myself and of making the future work for me. It didn't seem important at the time that I wasn't madly in love. I'd always believed being madly in love to be a passing illusion and not a good basis for marriage.'

He sighed, and resumed pacing. 'The honeymoon didn't last very long. Roberta was only happy when we were either giving parties or going to them, which wasn't my idea of marriage. I pressed her to have a baby, but she wanted to wait a few more years, have more fun before being tied down with children. Our lives seemed empty and meaningless to me, and our relationship deteriorated. Eventually she did become pregnant...'

Cassie bit her bottom lip to keep from making a sound. She looked up to see Dan grimacing with remembered frustration.

'...but only by sheer accident. I practically had to bribe her to have the child, promising to hire a full-time nurse so that she could continue her socialising.'

Dan's mouth softened into a sad smile. 'But it was worth it. Her name was Maree... She was such a beautiful little girl. She ‑' He broke off and cleared his throat. 'She drowned when she was two years old.'

Cassie's heart squeezed tight, a moan of compassion escaping from her lips. To lose a child... Dear heaven! If she had lost Jason tonight...

She lifted agonised eyes to Dan, who was staring at his son, as if reassuring himself that Jason was still alive. Yet when Dan saw Cassie looking at him he turned away and walked stiffly back over to the window, his back towards her.

'Roberta was on the phone when it happened,' he went on in a thick voice. 'She had a charity luncheon to attend and was trying to arrange a baby-sitter after Maree's nanny had fallen ill. Maree must have wandered out on to the patio and fallen in the pool. Somehow the gate had been left unlatched... Roberta had had a swim that morning...'

'Oh, Dan!' Cassie cried. 'How horrible for you.'

Dan spun round and for a split second Cassie saw the horror of his pain. It was a tangible thing, festering on his face like an open wound. 'I've never known such despair,' he said hoarsely. 'Such misery.'

He sucked in a ragged breath. 'Grief nearly drove me mad. I...' He shook his head, struggling for composure. 'Roberta, though, seemed strangely unaffected. If anything her social life increased. She was out practically every night, not returning till dawn. I tried ignoring the evidence of her infidelity at first, but in the end I confronted her. She admitted that there'd been other men. Dozens of them. I don't remember being shattered. Just empty. And sad. But I did begin divorce proceedings and then leave.'

Cassie rose unsteadily to her feet. 'And was this when you came to the island?' she asked huskily.

'Yes... My work had been affected by the strain I was under. A business partner of mine was a friend of the van Aarks and he arranged for me to stay there for a holiday. He knew I liked somewhere quiet to paint...'

He walked towards her then, and looked her straight in the eyes. 'I loved you, Cassie. You have to believe that. And I needed your love quite desperately. It was something I'd never had before—never believed existed—and I was so greedy for it after losing Maree that I couldn't wait until I was entirely free of Roberta. I had to have you. And I meant to marry you.'

He ran an agitated hand through his hair. 'But then the call came through about the accident. Apparently Roberta had been seeing some chap who owned a motorbike. They'd been drinking heavily and went out for a ride. The bike went out of control on a corner and hit a power pole. Roberta's lover was killed. She was a mess, but alive. Her father rang me from the hospital, begging me to come. He was terribly distressed. He was a widower, you see, Roberta his only child. I couldn't refuse. But it was the middle of the night...too late to call you...'