Absolute Beginners(63)

Oh no, this is so embarrassing! The lotion’s already on my nightstand next to a box of tissues. It doesn’t take a genius to figure that one out.

I went into the bedroom where she was already situated on the bed. She motioned for me to take off my shirt. I did as she told me and flopped down on the bed.

“Um, the lotion’s over there,” I mumbled, pointing toward the nightstand while hiding my face in my pillow. I heard her chuckle softly and move on the bed.

“Sorry,” I heard myself mutter, although I had no idea why I was apologizing for masturbating.

“Don’t be sorry,” she said, straddling my hips. “I do it all the time.”

“W-what?” Did Julia really just tell me that she masturbated?

“It’s perfectly natural. Almost everyone does it,” she said lightly, and started covering my back with the lotion. That was probably true, but I’d never met anyone besides Matt who admitted to it, and definitely never a woman.

“I don’t do it a lot,” I lied for some reason. Ever since I’d started seeing Julia, my carnal desires had multiplied many times over. I was now Kerou-whacking like a teenage boy almost every night before bed on the nights I wasn’t with her.

“Do you think about me when you do it?” she asked as she kneaded the muscles in my shoulders.

I nodded. She was the only one I thought about during my nocturnal solitary activities. Well, I was in the fantasies too most of the time, doing things to her that would make me blush to say out loud.

“I think about you, too,” she said, pressing down on a sore muscle and making me groan.

She thinks about me when she touches herself?! I definitely need to remember that for my next, err…session.

I didn’t ask her to elaborate because that would undoubtedly create more visions in my head, which would then lead to a very distinct hardening that probably wouldn’t go unnoticed by her when I stood up. I wanted to reassure myself that today wasn’t about sex for her, and that she genuinely liked spending time with me. I wanted that so much more than sex, and the realization shocked me a little. I wanted Julia’s company more than her body. Obviously I wanted her body as well, but given the choice today, I’d pick her company.

I really am in love.

I sighed and buried my face in my pillow as she worked out all the kinks and tension in my neck and shoulders. By the time she was done, I was half-asleep and completely pain-free. She lay down next to me and I felt her caress my hair.

“Thank you,” I mumbled.

“You’re welcome,” she said softly as she continued stroking my hair.

“Why are you so nice to me?” I asked drowsily, before I could think about what I was saying. There was a long pause and I’d almost fallen asleep when she finally spoke.

“I…just like you, is all,” she said quietly, and it sounded as though she were apologizing.

“I like you, too.”

Actually, I love you. I like you, but I also love you.

I felt her shuffle closer to me and, acting on impulse, I turned on my side and pulled her into my arms. She went rigid for a few seconds before she relaxed against me. I caressed her hair as she’d done for me and, all too soon, drifted off to sleep.

* * *

When I woke up, she was still in my arms. I smiled as I pulled her a little closer. She made a small sound and I opened my eyes to look at her.

She’s awake.

She was staring back at me and I wondered how long she’d been watching me sleep. “Sorry, I seem to pass out a lot around you,” I said with a half-smile, referring to the first night when she had put her mouth on me. But that time I’d slept alone and this time she was in my embrace. Things were different between us now. It couldn’t be my imagination.

She let out a small laugh and stroked my hair again. “Are you feeling better?”

I nodded and smiled. I hadn’t felt this good…ever. In the moment, I didn’t care that she was too young and too wild, that her clothes and makeup clashed with my idea of what looked pretty on a girl, or that the rest of the world would judge us cruelly if they knew what we were doing. Spending a quiet day with her was wonderful and I wished that she’d never leave. I moved my face a few inches closer to hers, gauging her reaction. She didn’t pull back, and I pressed my lips against hers. I kissed her bottom lip and then the top, while my hand cupped her face carefully. She responded to the kiss and our lips moved together easily as if we’d been doing this for years rather than weeks. I was the one who pulled away again before it became too heated, and she let me.

She really doesn’t want sex today. I must be the only man in the world who’s happy about that fact.