A Very Dirty Wedding(109)

“Thank you for letting me be here today,” he says, his expression pained. “I don't deserve to walk you down the aisle. I know that. I didn’t know how…to deal with it after your mother died. And you were the spitting image of her. Everything about you reminded me of her, and I just…I loved your mother. And I love you. But I retreated into my work. The way I reacted after the wedding scandal…it was horrible. I was an awful parent. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you’ll be a fantastic mother, and even though it’s too late for us, I’d like to try to be a good grandfather.”

I look at my father as he blinks back tears and I swallow hard. “Maybe it’s not too late…for us," I say.

He nods as his eyes well up. “That would be nice.”

The first few notes of the wedding march play and Rose clears your throat. “That’s your cue, she says,” and I take a deep breath.

I’m suddenly nervous as hell.

Why am I so nervous? I think my hands are shaking. Is this normal?

“Kate,” Rose says, stepping close to me and taking my hands in hers. “Breathe. You’re going to be fine, dear.”

I do what she tells me -- in through my nose, out through my mouth -- but clearly she can see the panicked look on my face.

“Caulter is a good man,” Rose says. “Your mother would love him just as much as you do. And you’re gorgeous.”

Tears well up in my eyes and I sniffle as Rose hugs me tightly to her. “I’m going to mess up my makeup,” I say. “Don’t you want to sit up front?”

“I’d rather be right here with you,” Rose says, pulling me out at arms’ length. She touches the corner of my eye with a handkerchief and smiles at me warmly. “Now, stop your sniveling and get out there.”

“I love you, Rose,” I say, taking a deep breath and turning toward the front. “Okay.”

“I’ve done this a lot,” Ella says, holding the edge of the tent to the side for me. “It’s never not nerve-wracking. Unless you’re drunk. Look at Caulter when you walk up the aisle. It’ll keep you steady.”

I nod, suddenly mute as I peer out at the sea of people standing, waiting for me to step forward.

“And Kate?” Ella says.

“Yes?”

“Your mother is looking down on you right now,” Ella says. “I know she’d be so proud.”

I blink back tears, hearing the march start again, the second cue for ‘get the fuck down the aisle’. Ella sniffles, and I realize that all of her over-the-top gestures are her way of showing she cares about Caulter and I.

“Thank you, Ella,” I say, hugging her. “For everything. Even the monkey.”

“Go on,” she says. “Before everyone thinks you’re having second thoughts about this whole thing.”

Choking back tears, I walk slowly down the aisle on my father’s arm, willing my racing heart to slow down. I breathe in, looking ahead at Caulter on the other end of the tent, flanked by the minister, the groomsmen, and my bridesmaids. He’s wearing a tuxedo, and even though I’ve seen him in a tuxedo more times than I can remember by now, he looks more handsome than I've ever seen him.

A feeling of pride surges through me, and the baby must be as excited for the wedding as I am, because she (or he) kicks me hard again, almost enough to make me double over. I swear this kid is sitting so low, pressing against my bladder, that I’m probably going to have to pee at least once during the ceremony.

At the front of the tent, my father pats my arm and smiles at me before taking his seat. Then it's like everything stands still as I look at the man who's going to become my husband, my other half.

My everything.

When Caulter mouths something to me, it takes me a second to realize what he's trying to say:

Sorry about the monkey.



I give Caulter the best death-glare I can muster in the middle of our wedding.

Joe holds the monkey on a leash at the end of the line of groomsmen as if the monkey is another groomsmen, except shorter and hairier. And wearing a top hat.

At least he's behaving.

And he's kind of cute, I guess.

Two seconds later, the monkey is loose from his leash and bounding down the aisle. I spin around to see Ella in the back, wide-eyed and waving her arms in exaggerated gestures to the wedding planner and the monkey's trainer, who skirt up the aisles to try to catch him.

That's followed by snickers and shrieks from the guests, as the monkey has decided he's definitely not being caught.

He bounces into my father's lap, before jumping across several more people and finally landing on the shoulder of an older woman with a hat. She shrieks loudly, completely terrified, as the monkey laughs, mocking everyone who has the audacity to think they're going to catch him.