A Very Dirty Wedding(106)

Ella, dressed in a naughty elf costume, is bent over a desk in the library, while Santa smacks her ass.

"Oh, fuck," I whisper, turning around so fast I probably just gave myself whiplash. "Oh God, my eyes. Shit, I need bleach for my brain."

"What's going on?" Kate hisses, pushing me out of the way.

"Don't look in there," I tell her. It's like the image is burned on my brain. I wonder if I can get electroshock therapy to erase my memories. Or maybe a partial lobotomy.

"Don't tell me what to do," Kate says. She looks inside, then whirls around and slaps me hard on the arm.

"What the hell was that for?"

"Why did you let me see that?" she whispers frantically, a panicked and pained expression her face.

"I told you not to look in there!"

"It's my father," she says with disgust. "And Ella."

"Yeah, I know," I say. "Talk about a fucking boner killer."

"Dressed as Santa and an elf!"

"I saw it. Stop reminding me."

"My father was spanking your mother!" Kate slaps me on the arm again. "Oh God. I could hear them talking."

"I didn't hear them talking."

Kate slaps me on the arm again. "I'm going to vomit," she says. "My father was telling Ella he wanted to slide into her chimney because she'd been a bad little ho ho ho."

I can't contain my laughter, and Kate claps her hand over my mouth to stifle my snort. "Shhh. They're going to hear you."

"We should get out of here," I say. "You have to admit, though. That's a pretty good line. I may have to use it on you sometime."

Kate looks like she sucked a lemon. She shakes her head back and forth over and over. "No," she says. "We will never speak of this day again. And you will never dress up as Santa. Or use the words chimney or ho ho ho in my presence."

"But you are my little ho ho ho," I say, cupping her ass with my hand and pulling her against me.

Yeah, whatever, the carnage in the library was a boner killer for a second, but hearing Kate use the words ho ho ho, my cock is springing to life again.

I press my hardness against her for effect, and she puts her palms on my chest.

"Oh my God, Caulter," she hisses. "How can you be hard right now? Oh shit. Does this turn you on? Are you some kind of pervert? I don't mean like the kind of pervert I know you are, I mean the real kind of pervert."

"We'll find someplace else," I say. "They don't have to ruin the mood."

"Are you insane? I'm not sure I'll ever have sex again after seeing that!" She pushes me back, but then she slips on her heel.

And I'm focused on catching her so she doesn't fall. Except we both slam into the door and it swings wide open.

And there we are, my hands under Kate's arms as she struggles to stay upright and I struggle to not let her fall to the floor.

And there they are -- an elf sitting on the desk in the library, her legs wrapped around Santa's waist.

Kate shields her eyes as I yank her to her feet, a look of sheer panic on her face. Meanwhile, I'm pinching my eyes closed tightly, trying to keep the train wreck in front of me out of my line of sight, as I blindly pull Kate toward the door.

On the other side of the door, Kate breathes in deep breaths as she grabs my hand and pulls me down the hall, running far more quickly than she should.

"I guess it is a Merry Fucking Christmas," I say.

She stops dead in her tracks, turns around, and slaps me extra hard on the arm this time.





CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Kate



"Holy shit." I stare outside at the huge pile of snow that's blown up in front of the doorway. Wind whistles through the guesthouse as I stand there, gaping. "Do you see this? We can't even get out of here, let alone expect anyone else to come to us!"

"Close the door," Caulter yells from the kitchen, where he's frying bacon on the stove. It makes my stomach rumble, and I look down at my belly as I shut the door tightly behind me.

"You kept me awake all night, kid," I say. "I think she's going to be a soccer player or something, the way she kicks."

"He might be a soccer player," Caulter says.

"Seriously, we're going to have to cancel the wedding."

"It's not until four today," Caulter says, far too calm for the situation. "Snow plows will clear the roads by then. It'll be totally fine."

"It's still snowing!" I say, my voice louder than I intend. "And the sky is completely grey. It's going to snow all day! Look at my weather app!"

I hold out my phone and Caulter glances over his shoulder at it, then turns around with a plate full of bacon. "Eat bacon and stop stressing out," he says.