A Special Summer(79)

“You’re always crying about why I never told you I was pregnant! How do you think I felt? Huh! Crying myself to sleep every night over you! Knowing you didn’t want me anymore! Carrying a baby that I knew you didn’t want!” Summer shouted as she pointed to her heaving chest.

“And how do you think I felt when people who I grew up with all my life at church pointed their fingers and talked about me when I showed up big bellied at church! Trying to find just a little bit of peace and comfort in my miserable life! You weren’t the one being ridiculed or judged! I had to go to another church because of you!”

Summer was so overcome with raw emotions she wasn’t aware that she was now stomping her feet in a tantrum like fashion. Nor was she aware Nick had become completely paralyzed. The breadth of her hurt and how he had hurt her was breaking his heart as she emotionally crumbled before his eyes.

“I gave you everything I had to give! I never asked you for anything, Nick! Whenever you gave me something it was because you wanted to…not because I asked or begged you for it! Whatever you wanted to do…we did! Wherever you wanted to go…we went! I never complained when you showed up hours late for a date without so much of an ‘I’m sorry for making you sit around like a stupid fool waiting on me’!”

“Noooo, that was too much like right! Instead you always acted like a freakin’ god or something and treated me like I was your stupid little follower worshipping the ground you walked on.” Stopping momentarily, catching her breath, she reminded him, “You even called me out of my name, Nick! You said I was a conniving whore like Veronica! How could you compare me to her? I never lied to you or try to use you like she did!”

If there were a hole in the floor or a crack in the wall, Nick could have crawled in, he would have settled in there for the rest of his life. The viciousness of his words had come back to haunt him as Summer painfully reminded him of his cruelty.

Summer’s tone lowered and she trembled as she went on to remind him of their past together. “Nick, you were my first… the only man I ever gave my body to. I gave it to you freely…whenever…wherever…and however you wanted it. I compromised my values for you. I gave you my most precious gift.”

Emotionally spent, Summer slumped to her knees on the floor. By now her voice was hoarse and barely above a whisper as she looked up at Nick. “I knew you never loved me. I just hoped…even prayed that you had at least cared about me.”

Immediately, Nick found himself on the floor pulling Summer onto his lap, hugging her in a tight embrace. He did love her. He was just too stupid to admit it at the time.

“Oh, baby, I’m so sorry. I wish I could take it all back. I wish I could make it up to you.”

“Let me go, Nick! You’re not sorry! All you want is to take my baby from me!” She cried, attempting to push herself away from him.

Holding her tight as she struggled to free herself, Nick knew if he let her go now she would never come back to him. And that he couldn’t, wouldn’t let happen. “No, sweetheart, that’s not what I want. I could never take NJ from you.” Giving her a tight but gentle squeeze, he assured her, “Baby, you are a wonderful mother. If I had tried taking you to court the judge would have laughed in my face.”

Summer wasn’t quite ready to agree with him on that notion. She was certain if a man of his caliber offered a crooked judge a tempting bribe anything was possible. And that included having custody of her son given to his father.“Then what Nick? What is it that you want?

Maintaining his tight hold on her, Nick trailed tender kisses along her forehead, temple and the soft contour of her delicate jaw. “I want you and I want our son. I won’t deny that I was content living a carefree, bachelor life. Not being committed to anyone or anything but my work. And I resented you for forcing me to be the one thing I said I would never be…a father.”

“Let me finish,” Nick soothed as Summer again struggled to free herself because of his blunt words. Holding her tighter, to the point where breathing was becoming almost difficult for Summer, Nick planted another tender kiss on her temple as he continued to speak. “But then I watched you giving birth to our son, holding him and loving him. And I knew you had made the right decision not to tell me you were pregnant. I had to man up and accept I was the reason why you kept the truth from me.” Releasing Summer from the tight embrace, he lifted her chin and gazed into her eyes. “I truly am sorry for everything. I’ve been a complete bastard. Nothing I can say or do will change that. That’s something I’ll have to live with. I also know I’ve hurt you repeatedly. I must live with that, too. I just pray that I haven’t destroyed everything between us.”