A Boy I Used to Love(22)

"Has anyone stayed in that goddamn thing?"

"No," he said.

"For a real estate guy, that seems like a bad investment."

Richie shrugged his shoulders. "I guess the old age catches up fast."



       
         
       
        

I pointed to his arm. "You sure you're okay? That cut looks nasty."

"I'll fix myself up," Richie said. "I always do. What the fuck do you really want here?"

I crossed my arms. I leaned against the front of my truck. I sucked in a deep breath and let it out.

"How long did it take you to get over your wife?"

"Who said I'm over her?" Richie shot back. "I've never been with another woman since. I plan on dying right here in this cabin or out in these woods. You'll probably be the one to find me."

"Thanks for that visual," I said.

"What do you want me to tell you, River?"

"What if someone was gone, meaning not dead? But they were gone. How long would you wait? How long would you keep coming back?"

Richie grinned. "As long as I have to. There's no time limit on how you feel. You come up here once a year to wait for someone, you do it until it doesn't feel right."

"You should get into town more, Richie. Clean yourself up a little."

"Why? What's that going to do for me? Won't bring my wife back. Won't mend the hole it's left in my kids and their kids. River, I'm just up here doing my thing. Trying to be as simple and hidden as possible. So I'm not in the way. So nobody judges me."

"Maybe that's what I'm doing too, Richie."

"Then go do it where you belong," he said. "Look at me." He patted his chest. "Heart's still ticking away. I'm breathing. I can see. I can hear. I'm good. Now get in your truck and go."

That was generally the extent of any conversation with Richie. It never got too deep, but deep enough to satisfy my need for something from someone older than me.

I climbed into the truck and worked my way back down the mountain to the cabin. I parked and walked to the rock. The pack of cigarettes was still there. Untouched. I looked around and tried to breathe in what I was doing.

Sometimes things just weren't meant to work out. And usually, there was good reason for it. Something underlying that made it all okay. For me, maybe that was finally getting off that beach, away from the little shop, out of trouble, and into a room at St. Skin.

I thought about Mary.

I wondered if her heart was still aching for me or not. Maybe she had jumped into bed with someone else already, looking for temporary comfort. I thought about all the women I got rid of over the years. They were all placeholders. I'd come up to this rock for a day and then spend a week or two drinking myself stupid. I'd clean up and find a girl and make her fall for me. I'd get my comfort in any ways I would need, right up until it was time for me to commit. Then I'd kick her out, convincing myself it was the right thing to do. 

Fuck, I was an asshole.

I let the day settle into me for a little bit longer, thinking long and hard. Right now, there was life down in Hundred Falls Valley. St. Skin was down there. The guys were down there. The people that needed their stories told through ink. And where was I? Hiding in the fucking trees, waiting on a damn dream that had gone cold a long time ago.

All I could do was hope she was happy.

I grabbed at the ring in my pocket and dropped to one knee. I slammed my hand to the ground, curling my lip.

"This is the last one," I said. "I mean it this time."

I had the first handful of dirt when I shut my eyes.

I felt like someone had ripped my stomach out.

I took a deep breath to calm down.

And then I heard the sound of tires crunching over rocks.



I looked up, and I swore it had to be a damn mirage. A car pulling up along the dirt path. Only a crazy person would try and navigate these back roads in a car. All it took was one little slip and you were screwed. Hell, and if it started to rain, you'd sink into the ground without four-wheel drive.

But sure enough, there was a car coming.

I slowly stood up, blinking, half-convinced the car was going to disappear.

Nope.

The car made a right turn and stopped.

The dirt fell out of my hand. I wiped my hand on my jeans. I tucked the diamond ring away and took two steps forward. Whoever this was, they were sure as hell lost. I'd probably have to help them get off the mountain and back to paved roads where they belonged.

The passenger window started to go down. I crouched a little and gave a wave.

That's when I saw her face.

Time fucking stopped.

I froze.