Surrender My Love(38)

“You always do the right thing,” Sam said, stepping into Cole’s personal space. Nate’s thick arms unfolded and he stepped in just as close, breathing down his brothers’ backs.

“You’re Cole Braden. The eldest. The guy who always does the right thing. The guy whose shadow we’ve all walked in.” Sam searched his eyes, and Cole was sure he saw fire in them. “Don’t you ever get sick of being that guy? Don’t you want to bust free? Say ‘fuck it all’ and do the thing that feels right instead of the thing that is right?”

“Dude,” Nate said. “I hate to say it, but he’s got a point. You always do the right thing.”

“That’s who I am,” Cole said. “I don’t know why it bothers you two so much. Tempe does the right thing all the time and you don’t give her shit.”

“No, because we want her to be that way. She’s a chick. You’re a dude. You need to cut loose, kick some ass.” Sam laughed.

“I’m a doctor.” He held up his hands. “These hands are made for healing, not fighting—although if you pull that shit again, I’ll happily pound your ass into the pavement.” He was breathing a little easier now, knowing that Sam was giving him shit because he cared and not because he suddenly decided to be a dick.

“Come back in and have a drink with us,” Sam urged. “Don’t pull the ‘sit all night at the office’ shit you do to avoid having a life.”

“I’m not avoiding having a life,” Cole muttered. “Sam, you’re into the pickup scenes at night. I get it. You and Ty are made for that shit, but I’m not. I’m—”

“Ready for your real life to begin. I get it.” Sam draped an arm over Cole’s shoulder, turning him back toward the restaurant. “But your real life is in Towson, and we’re here, so suck it up, tell me you’ll think about what I said, and come back inside for a few beers. I promise I won’t give you shit anymore. I just needed you to hear me for once, and you’ve got the thickest head around.”

“That’s not the only thickest thing I have in this family,” Cole joked despite the frustration still simmering in his gut.

Sam gave him a shove as the three men headed back inside, and for the first time since college, Cole considered doing something other than the right thing.


***

LEESA LAY IN bed going over the things Darlene had said to her about the job in Baltimore and about Andy, but the only place her mind wanted to wander was back to Peaceful Harbor. To the man who’d never once flinched when she’d revealed the ugliness of what had happened here in Towson. The man who’d looked like he wanted to have more than a word with Chris over how and why he’d ended their relationship. The man who, when he held her, made her feel safe and happy and more complete than she ever had before. She picked up her cell phone and listened to his message again. She pictured his warm brown eyes, his cheeks, shadowed with manliness even when clean-shaven. After listening to the message, she reread the text he’d sent earlier.

Miss you so much. Are you sure you don’t want me to come there?

It had taken all of her resolve to give him the same answer she’d given him last night and again this morning, that she had to do this alone. Now, as she closed her eyes and tried to will herself to sleep, she wondered why in the hell she’d wanted to do this alone. She’d expected to come back to Towson, have a talk with her boss, and then go talk with Andy. And then…she had no fricking idea what would happen.

She hadn’t thought beyond hoping she’d feel better. Of course, she was assuming Andy would come clean about lying, so he could feel better, too. She hated that her feeling better relied on someone else’s judgment. She wasn’t someone who needed others in order to feel good about herself, and yet she felt like she was drowning and Andy held the only life raft in sight. She knew that was not the case. She was a professional, wrongly accused and found innocent.

Knowing that didn’t negate the fact that the house where she grew up felt strange and empty, or that apparently she had changed so much that she’d felt uncomfortable in her own skin when she was in her old school despite how welcoming the staff was.

Was this how she was destined to feel forever, like she didn’t know where she belonged or who she was supposed to be, untrusting of the professional relationships with students she’d once placed in such high regard? Or like everywhere she went she’d worry about all this shit cropping up and ruining whatever foundation she’d built?

She bolted upright in bed, her heart pounding hard, and stared out the window. Her mind spun, thinking about everything and nothing at once. Had she made a mistake by leaving Towson in the first place? Should she have stayed and dealt with the sideways glances, taken the job in Baltimore, and tried to move on despite the silent hell that followed her around?

Where would that have gotten her?

Would it have heightened her lingering worry that every time she was alone with a student, she could be accused of something unsavory? Or would it have had the opposite effect and strengthened her confidence?

Or…would it have landed her exactly where she was now?

She glanced down at her phone. If she’d stayed, she wouldn’t have met Cole. She wouldn’t have known what it was like to be loved so completely, or to be embraced by his family so wholly and without judgment. Being with Cole was like living in a fairy tale, only her fairy tale had hidden monsters lurking in the shadows.

She threw her body back down to the mattress with a loud groan, thinking about tomorrow. She was having lunch with Lena and then she was going to return the library books she’d found last night that she’d forgotten to return before leaving town. Her mind had been so scattered when she’d fled to Peaceful Harbor, it was a wonder she’d made it there in one piece.

But she had. And she hadn’t felt scattered when she was there. She’d been nervous about all she’d gone through rearing its ugly head, but she hadn’t felt scattered.

But hadn’t she always landed on her feet? When she lost her father, when she was under investigation, when Chris broke up with her. She hadn’t been weak. She didn’t need anyone to save her or to make her whole. Why, now, did she need Andy to say those words to her? Why had he suddenly become the key to her confidence, and in turn, her future?

What the hell was wrong with her?

She didn’t have the answers, but she knew that no matter what it took, she could handle it.

Now, if she could only sleep, she’d be in better shape to face the day tomorrow. She closed her eyes, knowing that even if she could resolve all the rest, there was one thought rattling around in her head that she knew she’d never quiet—and that was the thought that stayed with her as she drifted off to sleep.

Cole.





Chapter Twenty-Two


THE NEXT MORNING Leesa awoke with a sense of purpose rather than worry accompanying her every breath. She couldn’t explain why she felt more confident or determined to set things right with Andy, but by the time she met Lena, she was sure she was doing the right thing. Lena, however, had other thoughts.

“You’re insane. Crazy. You’ve left your good sense back in Peaceful Harbor or something.” Lena’s shoulder-length dark hair shielded one eye as she stared down Leesa. They were sitting in a booth at Panera Bread, and Lena was speaking loud enough that other customers were looking over.

“Shh.” Leesa smiled at the onlookers. Nothing to see here. Move on. “Since when did you get so loud?”

“Since two minutes ago when you said you were going to do, oh, I don’t know. Only the dumbest thing ever.” She stabbed a forkful of lettuce from her salad and pointed it at her. “Annalise, you have a chance to get your career back. Dar is offering you a good job with a great team in Baltimore.”

Maybe Dar and Lena were right. Why risk everything for a kid who already stole her life once? She’d thought about that for half the night, and by the time Cole had called her at seven this morning, she’d known the answer.

“I’m not sure if you’ll understand this, because before all this happened, I don’t think I would have if someone else were in the same predicament. But what happened changed me. I mean, really changed me, Lena. It made me unsure and untrusting. Knowing how easy it was for Andy to accuse me made me realize that any student, at any time, had the power to destroy my career. Or yours. Or any other teacher’s.”

Lena shook her head. “Already proven, and exactly why I’m telling you not to start the whole thing up again. Why open the door to trouble?”

“Don’t you see? We’re sitting ducks. I can’t change that. We can’t change that. But what happened to me is done. It’s over, and I’m still paying the price. Emotionally, I mean. I know it’s all me, in my head, whatever. I’m not pretending that it’s something else. But I’m not going to sit back while Andy’s life goes down the drain, too, when all it’ll take is clearing his conscience to allow him to move forward. And I’m not going to lie; it’ll do something for me, too. Getting him to admit he lied will do something to me inside.”