Sinful Nights(87)

He caught her sharply indrawn breath.

Claire, what is it? You surely don't think I  … '

The last person to cuddle me was my father, and then he died, and  … '  She was wide awake now, shivering with a mixture of cold and pain.

She heard the noise Jay made deep in his throat-somewhere between a  growl and a groan-and she felt him move, but didn't know why, until she  felt her body being turned and held close to his own, one arm holding  her gently, while his free hand stroked the nape of her neck  comfortingly.

Part of you is still a frightened little girl, isn't it? Poor little Claire!'

She wasn't a little girl, and it was ridiculous for him to assume that  she wanted him to treat her as such. She wanted to be strong and cool,  and to push him away, to freeze him off, and make him regret that he had  dared to trespass into her most private feelings, and yet the way he  was holding her, comforting her, brought back memories so long  suppressed. This was what she had craved and longed for after her  parents' death-someone to hold and comfort her-but there had been no  one, no one at all, and then afterwards  …  after  …  him  …  the thought of  anyone touching her had been so abhorrent that she had forgotten that  she had ever felt like this.

Instinctively, without being aware of it, she snuggled closer to him,  unaware of his sharp intake of breath, or the tension invading his body.  He felt warm and safe, and he smelled  …  nice  …  she thought woollily,  burying her face against his skin and breathing in the scent of it with  the voluptuous innocence of a small child. He was only wearing pyjama  bottoms, and she liked the sensation of his flesh beneath her hand,  where it rested against his chest. She wriggled closer.

Claire  … ' She froze as Jay moved away from her, his hands clamping  round her wrists. I'm sorry-I shouldn't have touched you.' His voice  was hard and remote.

What he meant was that he didn't want her to touch him. Claire's face  burned as she realised what she had done. Instantly she retreated to the  other side of the bed, feeling as bruised and rejected as only a woman  in love can feel when the man she loves physically repulses her.    

 



 

Claire  …  Look, let's talk about this.'

She heard the tentative, gentle note of enquiry in his voice but ignored  it. She wasn't in the mood to have a reasoned discussion on what had  happened.

The very fact that Jay thought it was something they could talk  reasonably about was enough. If he had been here in bed with Susie  …  The  instant the treacherous thought formed she tried to suppress it, but it  was too late. Jealousy seared her, leaving her raw and vulnerable, prey  to emotions she had never known existed. Despite her exhaustion it was  hours before she finally fell asleep.

WHEN SHE WOKE UP, THE SUN was shining and she was alone. She glanced at  her watch and blinked. Half past ten. She really had overslept.

She got up and padded through into the girls' room. It was empty. They  must all be downstairs. Putting clean clothes and underwear on the bed  she went through into the bathroom, shedding both her nightdress and her  robe. She was just about to step into the shower when she saw it. The  most enormous spider she had ever seen! And it had seen her-she was  convinced of it, convinced that it was staring at her with malevolent  glee.

She opened her mouth and screamed in pure panic-reaction, totally unable  to drag her attention away from the soft, pulsating body and horrid  mass of hairy legs.

Her scream had been pure instinct, and the last thing she had expected was for the bathroom door to be flung open.

Claire? Ah  …  I see  …  It's all right, come on.'

She was hardly conscious of Jay's hand on her arm as he gently tugged  her out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom. It was only when he  closed the door, firmly locking the spider inside that she actually  dared to breathe again. Jay released her, but she clung to him, shaking.

It's all right. I just want to get your robe for you.'

For the first time she became conscious that she was naked, and her  whole body turned a delicate shade of pink as Jay stepped away from her  and then turned to look at her.

There was something strangely driven, reluctant almost in the way he  studied her naked body. No doubt compared to Susie she was very ordinary  indeed, but there was nothing wrong with the smooth suppleness of her  skin, she thought proudly and her waist was narrow enough for Jay to  span with both his hands if he wanted to do so. Her breasts weren't  particularly large, but they were firm.

She forgot why they were here like this as Jay stared at her; a curious  and very intense ache throbbed through her body. Her nipples swelled and  hardened into deeply rosy nubs of flesh.

Jay was watching her with a darkly intense absorption. Her stomach  muscles fluttered a nervous protest, and she touched startled fingertips  to her skin.

Claire, for God's sake!'

Jay's harsh protest exploded into the silence engulfing them. She looked  at him with innocent, hesitant eyes, caught up in a mass of conflicting  sensations and emotions.

Her face was flushed, his eyes glittering between narrowed lashes. He  swallowed, and she followed the movement of his throat, seeing the tiny  beads of perspiration dampening his skin. His shirt was open at the  throat, revealing a dark tangle of soft hair.

Claire  … ' His voice was tight with anger; and rough with something  else; a kind of raw, aching pain that caught at her heart strings and  made her move towards him with the jerky, mechanical gait of a doll,  without being aware that she had moved, only knowing that his pain was  something she must soothe.

She reached him and wondered at the expression in his eyes, and while  she was assimilating it, he reached for her with a tortured, smothered  sound, dragging her into his arms, and imprisoning her against his body,  so that she felt its heat and its maleness as his mouth moved hotly  over her face, communicating a blind, frantic urgency that seemed to  echo the fierce throb of her flesh.

No one had ever held her like this before, ever kissed her like this  before, and it was like being cast adrift in an alien sea which swelled  and roared as it threatened to drown her. There was only Jay to cling to  for safety, her nails biting into his skin, as she trembled and shook  with a kaleidoscope of new sensations.

Jay's mouth covered hers, hot with urgency. Her eyes widened in shock  and she felt him check, and then his hand was in her hair, his fingers  spreading against her scalp, his tongue pressing against the closed line  of her mouth, until with a suppressed sound of frustration he nipped  sharply at her bottom lip.

Her sharp cry of pain surprised them both. Claire almost felt him do a  double-take as the glittering heat died out of his eyes and tension  invaded his body.

His face was still flushed, but this time with anger.

Hell, Claire, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me.' He released  her as carefully as though she was made of precious crystal, and then  stepped back from her.    

 



 

He turned round looking for her robe, and she heard him say in a muffled voice, For a moment I forgot that  … '

That I wasn't Susie?' She felt as though her blood had turned to ice.  No, not ice-if she was frozen she wouldn't be feeling this appalling,  unendurable pain. In one brief, illuminating moment she had known all  that Jay could have given her if he loved her, but he didn't love her.  She was merely his wife. His second wife.

She took her robe from him and pulled it on, turning her back on him so that he wouldn't see the agony in her eyes.

I'll dispose of the spider and then I'll leave you to get dressed. We're all down by the pool.'

It took her almost an hour to get ready to face everyone. She knew that  from now on whenever she looked at her naked body she would be imagining  Jay's hands on it, Jay's mouth. She shuddered deeply, aware for the  first time in her life of the depth and intensity of her own feelings.

The terror of coming face to face with that horrendous spider-she had  always feared and loathed them-seemed to have broken loose the chains  that had held her in captivity to her sexual fears. She couldn't really  explain to herself why it was one minute she loathed anything to do with  sex and the next she ached for Jay to be her lover-or had it really  happened as quickly as that? Hadn't she slowly been drifting towards  this for quite some time, since the start of their marriage, in fact,  like a leaf borne unknowingly towards the brink of a weir it didn't know  existed?

She couldn't stay here all day, she reminded herself. Sooner or later she would have to face Jay.

I LIKED IT VERY MUCH in Dallas, Mummy, but I'm glad we're going home now, are you?'

They were circling Heathrow, and soon their jet would land. Absently  responding to Heather's question, Claire glanced at Jay. He was sitting  on the opposite side of the aisle, looking out of the window. Since that  dreadful episode in their room, he seemed to have withdrawn from her  almost completely. He was so cold towards her, so meticulously polite,  chilly and indifferent, that she ached sometimes to elicit some response  from him, even if that response was only anger.