Sinful Nights(84)

Tastes change, she reminded herself, as she heard the squeals of  pleasure coming from their room, and no doubt she had pleaded for things  that her parents had found equally incomprehensible.

She was still smiling about this when her bedroom door opened, but it  wasn't the girls who came in, it was Jay, a towelling robe belted over  his pyjama bottoms, a cup of tea and some digestive biscuits on the tray  he was carrying.

The awkwardness she had anticipated having to cope with after the  evening of his return had never materialised. In the morning Jay had  been as casually relaxed as he had always been, and she had been too  busy to give more than a passing thought to her own reaction to him. In  fact she had begun to think she had imagined it, but the way her heart  jerked like a stranded fish just because he walked into her room told  her better.

You're looking very flushed,' he commented, completely misreading her  vivid blush. Not sickening for a cold, are you? Those boots you were  wearing last night  … '

The boots in question were old ones, but they were good enough for the snow.

I'm fine,' she told him, watching him put the tray down on her bedside table, before he perched himself on the edge of the bed.

Mmm. You were looking very perky when I came in. You were grinning like a Cheshire Cat!'

I was thinking about those awful ponies we bought for the girls and  wondering if I ever wanted something that appalled my parents.'

Well, I know I did,' confessed Jay. My parents were both members of  CND, and one year I asked Father Christmas for a tank and sub-machine  gun. It says a lot for their understanding that I got both-I also got  twelve months' worth of lectures from my mother, pointing out the  savagery of war.'    

 



 

He didn't often talk about his family, possibly because the subject had never come up, and Claire had not liked to question him.

What happened to them?' she asked now.

My mother was killed in a rail accident in France and my father died of  a heart attack not long afterwards. I was the only one, and away at  university at the time. I missed them, of course, but I think it's only  when one becomes a parent oneself that one realises the true depth of  parental love.'

Yes. They say, don't they, that it's the mark of a successful parent to  be able to send out one's young to enjoy the world without them having  to give you a backward glance. The security of a loving background-'

Helps to create a child who is healthily selfish in its attitude to its  parents. Yes, I know. You've done wonders with Heather,' Jay added  quietly. She's a different child.'

She just needed more self-confidence. Heather knows I love her, and because of that  …

She can love herself  … ' He broke off and grimaced as two small bodies came hurtling into the room.

Downstairs, the pair of you,' he told them. We're going to make breakfast for Mummy this morning.'

They were wearing their new tartan dresses, and Claire felt her throat  lock with emotional tears as she saw the matching tartan bows tied in  their hair. Both of them wanted to grow their hair, and for school she  made them wear it plaited. This morning both of them sported rather  drunken bows.

Heather put my ribbon in my hair for me,' announced Lucy cheerfully, darting past Jay to climb on to the bed.

And Lucy did mine.' Heather, not to be outdone, climbed on the other side, still clutching her stocking.

Look what Father Christmas brought me  … '

And me  … '

Something tells me if I want any breakfast, I'm going to have to make it on my own,' smiled Jay.

I'll be down in a minute,' Claire assured him, shooing both girls off the bed.

Mummy, have you got a new dress to wear too?'

She was going to wear the pretty red one she had bought in Bath. The  girls' excitement was infectious, and Claire felt it bubble up inside  her as she showered and dressed.

When she got down to the kitchen, Heather and Lucy were happily tucking  into bowls of creamy porridge. Jay had made the coffee, and the rich  smell of it floated aromatically on the air.

Can I leave you in charge while I go up and get dressed?'

Don't be long, will you, Daddy?' Heather demanded impatiently.

It was impossible to keep the girls at the table after they had finished  eating. They had already seen the pile of brightly wrapped presents  surrounding the tree, and Jay and Claire exchanged amused looks over  their heads as they hurried Jay to finish his toast.

You're looking very festive,' he murmured to her as they followed the girls to the sitting-room. Red suits you.'

He was wearing a pair of mid-blue trousers that clung to the hard  muscles of his thighs. His checked woollen shirt was open at the throat,  the softness of the cashmere sweater he was wearing over it touching  Claire's skin as the girls dashed past them and she was forced to move  closer to his side.

If having one child at Christmas time was fun, having two was more than  double the pleasure. As she remembered her pathetic attempts to make  something special out of Christmas for Lucy when she was a baby, Claire  thought wistfully of the delight it would be to be able to watch that  wide-eyed joy and bewilderment now, in these warm protected  surroundings.

Lucy's first Christmas had been in the cold damp of their flat, her  first Christmas tree one Claire had salvaged at a jumble sale. Expensive  presents didn't make Christmas, she knew that, but warmth, comfort,  security; these all added an indefinable lustre of pleasure to this  special time of year.

For a few seconds there was pandemonium as sheet after sheet of wrapping  paper was shredded in their wild attempts to discover what was inside,  but Claire had deliberately given them the much desired ponies first,  and once they had assured themselves that Father Christmas had not been  remiss in this regard, they settled down quite contentedly to savour the  rest of their booty.

Claire, who had not been expecting any presents at all, was surprised to  discover that she had quite a pile, two of them very inexpertly  wrapped, and decorated with stick-on home-made Christmas trees.

We made those for you,' Heather told her importantly. Daddy helped us.'

It brought a lump to her throat to think of Jay finding precious time to  assist with the choosing and wrapping of her presents. Another man  could quite easily have carelessly ignored the sensitive feelings of two  very feminine six-year-olds and had them gift-wrapped instead. Even  though she prided herself on being practical, Claire knew quite well  that those lovingly made wrappings would find their way into the large  cardboard box in which she hoarded all her sentimental treasures.    

 



 

This was the first year Lucy had had someone to assist her with such a  task, and as she looked into her daughter's shining eyes as she  unwrapped the soap and bath oil she had chosen, she felt a tremendous  surge of gratitude and joy.

This marriage was right; right for Heather and Lucy and right for her.  But was it right for Jay? a tiny inner voice asked her. Would he come to  regret his selflessness in putting Heather's needs before his own?

Smell it, Mummy,' urged Lucy. I chose it specially, because it reminded me of you.'

Rather cautiously Claire took the top off the bath oil, and was  surprised to discover that despite its rather virulent colour it smelled  pleasantly of roses.

Now mine,' Heather instructed, watching her with anxious eyes as she carefully unwrapped her second untidy parcel.

We saved up with our spending money,' Lucy explained importantly. Daddy saved it for us, didn't you?'

Although Heather had been calling her Mummy' for some time, and had  indeed anxiously asked to be allowed to do so, this was the first time  Lucy had referred to Jay as Daddy'.

Wondering if Jay was as aware of this completely natural acceptance of  him as she was herself, Claire glanced across at him, and saw that he  shared her feelings.

In a moment of shared intimacy and awareness they continued to look at  one another, and Claire experienced a closeness to him that made her  feel both exalted and humble.

Look at mine,' Heather urged her impatiently, tugging on her sleeve. Look at mine!'

The moment was gone, but Claire knew that she would remember and savour it later.

Heather had bought her body lotion and talc to go with Lucy's soap and  bath oil. Overcome with emotion, Claire held out her arms to both of  them, hugging them tightly. Lucy, as always, was the first to break  free.

Daddy hasn't opened his present yet,' she said severely.

Something tells me that Father Christmas has been extremely active on  my behalf this year,' drawled Jay, looking at Claire. It was true that  she had found several small things to add to her original present, and  then of course there was the girls' contribution. They had bought him a  leather wallet from their combined savings, and on impulse Claire had  taken them both to have their photographs taken wearing their new velvet  dresses.

In addition to the large photograph which she had had framed and which  was now waiting to be unwrapped amongst his other presents, were two  individual small ones, just the right size to go in his wallet.

She held her breath as he opened their present, but she needn't have  worried; his reaction was everything that was necessary to delight both  girls.