Playing in Secret(33)

     



 

"I can't tell you that, either. For me, I just decided I loved Cal too  much to let our future be dictated by our past. You won't forget, but  you have to forgive. I want to be with him for the rest of my life, and  if we didn't forgive each other-and ourselves-that could never happen."

"I've forgiven him."

"Now you need to forgive yourself."

"Me? I didn't do anything wrong." Did I?

"You were that weak girl who waited for him; you let him humiliate you. I  know you Audrey, and there is no way it doesn't bother you when you  think about her. The teenage you who didn't stand up for herself. You  need to remember that she wasn't the real you yet. She was a scared  young girl who wasn't equipped to handle what was happening to her. You  have to be strong enough to forgive yourself for being weak. Only then  can you move on."

"When did you get so wise?"

"When people tried to humiliate me as an adult, and I couldn't fight for  myself because I still blamed the girl I'd been over a decade before  for making me look weak enough to take down."

"But they didn't take you down. You thrived."

"Because of Caleb, and all of you."

"No. We all stood with you, but it was you giving that speech and  telling your story that day. It was you who took back your history, and  chose your future. I'm so proud of you, Tegan. For that day, and for  coming here to tell me to get my shit together."

"You mean so much to all of us, Aud. You've loved and protected us  through all these years. I want you to see the woman that we all see.  The woman we all admire and love. Let Blake in, and give both of you the  future you two deserve."

We're both crying now, and I know I'll have to redo my makeup, but I  don't care. I pull Tegan down onto my lap as she laughs. We hug each  other tight for a few minutes, and then she pulls back to look at me in  amusement.

"Thanks, Teeg. I mean it. I knew everything you said already, but I  needed to hear it. Blake has to go on this publicity tour, but when he  gets back, I want to be ready to move forward with him."

"Good. For the moment, let's just get you ready for the play. I'll do your hair while you fix your face."

"Perfect."

We finish up pretty quickly, and then rush down to where Cal and Ethan  are waiting in the car. We make it to the theater with only a few  minutes to spare, taking our reserved seats next to Jeanne as the lights  flicker. Blake comes out to address the audience, and I swear his smile  grows bigger for both his daughter, and for me. I smile back and blow  him a kiss, which he catches and pretends to put in his pocket.

The play is amazing, and the standing ovation afterwards is well  deserved. I want to tell Blake what a good job he did, but he's  surrounded by the cast and their families, as well as some women who  obviously don't have kids here, but came to the play for him anyways.  Jeanne is with her dad, but I don't know my place, so I just lean  against the wall and wait my turn.



Blake

Everything went just as planned tonight, and there's only one thing that  could make me happier. Or more accurately, one person. The woman who's  standing against the wall, looking unsure of herself, while I accept  congratulations and thanks from everyone else. I'm more than happy to  give time to the students, parents, and teachers who approach me. The  women who are here for me alone, to show my appreciation for the ticket  sales that go to the school, I sign some autographs and take some  pictures, but I want nothing else to do with them.

I want my woman, and I decide I can't wait any longer for her. We fought  last night, but spending the night alone sucked. I need her to get past  everything, but I also need her. If that means I have to suck it up,  and ignore the fact that she's holding back a part of herself, then so  be it.

I excuse myself from the people surrounding me, and then walk with  purpose to Audrey. She sees me coming and walks forward a few steps,  biting her lip. I cup her face and kiss her hard. She holds my biceps  and kisses me back with just as much passion.

"What did you think?" I ask once we've broken apart to get some air.

"It was brilliant. You're brilliant. I'm so proud of you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Then why were you hiding over here by the wall?"

"I didn't … I wasn't sure … if it was okay."

I look at her in confusion. "You weren't sure if it was okay to be with  me? That's always okay, Dree. I want you next to me whenever we're in a  room together." How can she not know that?         

     



 

"Your fans won't like it," she says, nodding behind me. "And I know you're still upset, even if you did send me that text."

"They're going to have to learn to deal with it. As for last night, I  don't know how to make myself any clearer to you, but I'm going to try  again right now. You're it for me, Audrey Sanchez. Those aren't just  words to me. I want to spend the rest of my life talking to you, making  love to you, and raising our children with you. I want to grow old with  you, and still be shocking doctors when they walk in on us in the  nursing home. Please believe me, please."

"I do. I want that, too. All of it. I'm trying to get past my old  insecurities. I plan to work on them-maybe even talk to one of the  Society shrinks-while you're gone. Once you come back after your  premiere, I hope to have made some progress."

I close my eyes and breathe a sigh of relief. Until part of what she  just said hits me. "We'll see each other at the premiere, won't we? I  mean, I just assumed you'd come. If you don't want to … well, it's not  okay, but I'll deal."

"There's no way Misha won't show up."

"So?"

"So you never take anyone to a public event she'll be at. You told me that yourself."

"You're not ‘anyone', and I want you there with me."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. I planned something special for us, in fact."

"You did?"

"I did, and all I'll say is that if it doesn't prove to you just how much you mean to me, I don't know what will."

"I love you, Hollywood."

"Love you too, Dree."

"You should go back and talk to everyone. They're waiting for you."

"We can go back over there, or they can come to us. I already told you, I  want you by my side," I remind her, taking her hand and kissing her one  more time.

"Okay. We'll go over there since you've already taken time from them to come and get me."

I'm glad Audrey's going to work on her insecurities where I'm concerned.  I get why she feels the way she does, but she has to let go of our past  if we're going to have a real chance at forever. I could just settle  for now, but she's too perfect in every other way for me to do that. We  have the best talks, the best sex-she's so damn funny when she lets that  side of herself out-and she has the biggest heart of anyone I've ever  known. Not to mention that fabulous mind of hers. I would never be okay  with giving her up, so forever is the only option for us, and I'll do  whatever I can to prove that to her.





Chapter 25


Audrey

The last month has been hard. I miss Blake, and I miss Jeanne, who went  on the press tour with him. We text throughout the day, and Skype when  we can, but that's all I get. Electronic versions of them are nothing  next to the real thing. I watched every interview and stayed up late to  see all the coverage of the overseas premieres, where Jeanne shined in  the dresses Stella got her, but honestly, I'm usually crying by the time  the story changes to news on another celebrity. I blame it on the  hormones, but really, I just miss my man and his daughter.

I decided to go ahead and get some outside help for my issues with  Blake, and that's been going well. Just talking openly to someone who  doesn't know me or him is like lifting a weight off of me. The doctor  doesn't judge me, she just listens to me talk and cry, and then asks me  thoughtful questions. I know I'm in a better place than I was before-I'm  not completely where I want to be, but it's a good start.

What's not off to a good start is my wardrobe. I'm supposed to be flying  to L.A. tomorrow for the premiere, but Stella hasn't brought my dress  over yet. All I know about it is that she and our friend Quinn Wilson  worked on it together. Quinn designs retro looking clothes I love, so I  know it will be gorgeous. I just really want to have my fitting today  and then get on the plane tomorrow knowing everything is good. I know  Quinn is busy, but I still worry that she won't have the dress ready for  me if it doesn't fit today. I haven't gained a ton of wait, but my bump  is definitely there. I can't be late tomorrow if it doesn't fit, not  when my date is the star of the movie.

When my doorbell rings, I practically fly down the stairs. Stella is  standing on the other side of the door with a smile on her face, but no  dress in her hands, and no Quinn with her. "Ready to go, Aud?"