His Final Bargain(30)

       
           



       

'You don't owe him your future,' Leo said. 'Come on, Eliza, you're not  thinking rationally. His mother wouldn't want you to give up your life  like this. Surely she's told you to move on with your life?'

Eliza gave him a despairing look. 'I'm all she has left. She lost his  father when Ewan was a little boy. Now she's as good as lost him, too.  How can I walk away from her now? I'm like a daughter to her and she's  been like a mother to me. I can't do it. I just can't.'

'What if I talk to her? I'll make her understand how it's unfair of her to expect so much of you.'

Eliza shook her head sadly. 'You're so used to getting whatever you  want, but sometimes there are things you just can't have, no matter how  hard and desperately you wish for them.'

'Do you think I don't know that?' he asked. 'I have a child I would do anything on this earth to help.'

'I know you would and that's exactly what Samantha is like. She's a  wonderful mother and a wonderful person. It would devastate her if I was  to go away and live with you in Italy.'

'What if we moved to London? I could work from here. It would be a big  adjustment but I could do it. There are good schools for the blind here.  Alessandra will soon adjust.'

Eliza pulled her emotions back into line like a ball of loose yarn being  wound up rapidly and tightly. 'I can't marry you, Leo. You have to  accept that. Once the month is up I have to come back to my life here.  I've already promised Samantha to spend the last couple of weeks of the  holidays with her and Ewan.'

'You do have a choice. Damn it, Eliza, can't you see that? You're  locking yourself away out of guilt. It's not going to help anyone, least  of all your fiancé.' He sent his hand through his hair again. 'I  suppose that's why you took the money. It was for him, wasn't it?'

'Yes … '

'Why didn't you ask for more?'

'I was uncomfortable enough as it was, without exploiting your offer.'

He gave an embittered laugh. 'Let's say it how it was. It wasn't an  offer. I blackmailed you. I can never forgive myself for that.' He moved  to the other side of the room as if he needed the distance from her to  think.

'I'm sorry … ' Eliza broke the silence. 'I've handled this so badly. I've  made it so much worse.' She took a deep shuddering breath as she finally  came to a decision. 'I'm not going to go back with you to Italy  tomorrow. It wouldn't be fair to Alessandra. It will make it so much  harder when the month is up.'

He swung around to glare at her. 'What … you're just going to walk away?  What about the contract you signed? Are you forgetting the terms and  conditions?'

'If you decide to act on them, then I'll have to face that if and when it happens.'

'I'll withdraw my offer for your project. I'll tell the bursar I've  changed my mind.' His jaw was clenched tight, his eyes flashing at her  furiously.

Eliza knew it was risky calling his bluff but she hoped he would come to  understand this was the best way to handle things-the cleanest way.  'Will you say goodbye to Alessandra for me? I don't want to wake her  now. It will only upset her more.'

His look was scathing. 'I never took you for a coward.'

'It has to be this way.'

'Why does it?' His eyes flashed at her again. 'Are you really going to stand there and deny that you love me?'

Eliza steeled herself as she held his gaze. 'I have never said I loved you.'

A muscle flicked in his cheek and his eyes hardened. 'So it was always just about the money.'

'Yes.'

His lip curled mockingly. 'And the sex.'

She gave him her best worldly look. 'That too.'

He sucked in a breath and moved to the window overlooking the leafy  street below. 'I'll have Marella send your things to you when we get  back.'

'Thank you.' Eliza moved past to collect her things from the suite.

'I won't say goodbye,' he said. 'I think we've both said all that needs to be said.'

Except I love you, Eliza thought sadly as she softly closed the door as she left.





CHAPTER FOURTEEN


ELIZA SPENT THE first week with Samantha and Ewan in Suffolk in a state  of emotional distress so acute it made her feel physically ill. She  couldn't sleep and she could barely get a morsel of food past her lips.  Every time she thought of Leo or Alessandra her chest would ache as if a  stack of heavy books was balanced on it. But she had no choice but to  keep what she was feeling to herself as Samantha was still dealing with  her heartbreak over the hopelessness of Ewan's situation.                       
       
           



       

But towards the middle of the second week Samantha seemed to pick  herself up. She had even been out a couple of times in the evening while  Eliza sat with Ewan. She hadn't said where she was going or whom she  was going with and Eliza hadn't asked. But each time Samantha returned  she looked a little less strained and unhappy.

'Darling, you don't seem yourself since you came back from the nanny  job,' Samantha said as she watched Eliza push the food around her plate  during dinner. 'Is everything all right? Are you missing the little  girl? She's rather a cute little button, isn't she?'

'Yes, she is. And yes, I do miss her.'

'What a pity she's blind.' Samantha picked up her glass of lemonade.  'But that's not the worst thing that can happen to a person, is it?'

'No … it isn't.'

'I would've loved a daughter,' Samantha said. 'Don't get me wrong-I  loved having a son. No mother could have asked for a better one than  Ewan. And I've been so fortunate in having you as a surrogate daughter. I  can't thank you enough for always being there for me and for Ewan.'

Eliza put her cutlery down and gripped her hands together on her lap  underneath the table. It had been brewing inside her for days, this  pressing need to put things straight at last. She could no longer live  with this terrible guilt. She wanted to move on with her life. She could  no longer deny her love for Leo. Even if he didn't love her, surely she  owed him the truth of her feelings. 'Samantha … there's something you  need to know about that night … I know it will be hard for you to hear and  I don't blame you for thinking I'm just making it up to get out of this  situation, but it's my fault Ewan had the accident that night.'

The silence was long and painful.

'I broke off our engagement,' Eliza continued. 'Ewan left my place so  upset he should never have got behind the wheel of that car. I should  never have let him leave like that. I'd bottled up my feelings for so  long and then that night I just couldn't hold it in any longer. I told  him I didn't love him any more. He was devastated.' She choked back a  sob. 'I know you can't possibly forgive me. I will never forgive myself.  But I want to have a life now. I want to be with Leo and his little  girl. I love him. I'm sorry if that upsets you or you think it's selfish  but I can't live this lie any more. I feel so wicked to have accepted  the love you've given so freely and so generously when all this time  I've been lying to you.'

Samantha let out a deep uneven sigh. She suddenly looked much older than  her years. She seemed to sag in the chair as if her bones had got tired  of staying neatly aligned. 'I suppose it's only right that you lied to  me.'

'What do you mean?'

Samantha gave her a pained look. 'I've been lying to you too for the last few years.'

'I don't understand … ' Eliza frowned in puzzlement. 'What do you mean?  How have you lied to me? I'm the one who covered up what happened that  night. I should have told you at the hospital. I should have told you  well before this.'

Samantha took a deep breath and released it in a jagged stream. 'He told me.'

Eliza was still frowning in confusion. 'Who told you what?'

'Ewan.' Samantha met her gaze levelly. 'He told me you'd broken up with him.'

Eliza felt her heart slam against her ribcage as if it had hit a brick wall at high speed. 'When did he tell you?'

Samantha's throat moved up and down like a mouse moving under a rug. 'I  called him just a minute or two after he'd left your place.' Her face  crumpled. 'I'm so sorry. I should've told you before now. I've been  feeling so wretchedly guilty. It was my fault. I was on the phone to him  just moments before he crashed into that tree.' She gave a ragged sob  and dropped her head into her hands. 'He told me you'd ended your  engagement. He was upset. I told him to pull himself together. I was  furious with him for being so surprised by your ending things. I'd seen  it coming for months. He was livid. I'd never heard him so angry. He  hung up on me. It was my fault. I caused his accident.'

'No.' Eliza rushed over to wrap her arms around Samantha. 'No, please don't blame yourself.'

'I knew you were unhappy,' Samantha sobbed into her shoulder. 'I knew it  but I didn't say anything to him or to you. I wanted it to all work  out. I wanted you to be the daughter I'd always longed for. I wanted us  to be a family. That's all I wanted.'