His Final Bargain(26)
But she wasn't going to stay with him for ever. He wasn't going to ask her to. He would have to let her go when the time was up. He would have no need of her as a nanny now that Kathleen was coming back.
And those other needs?
Well, there were other women, weren't there? Women who wanted what he wanted: a temporary, mutually satisfying arrangement with no feelings, no attachment and no regrets once it was over.
He had lived the life of a playboy before. He could do it again.
Eliza was sitting on deck with Alessandra fast asleep against her shoulder as Leo docked the vessel when she caught sight of a photographer aiming a powerful-looking lens their way. 'Um … Leo?'
He glanced across at her. 'What's wrong?'
She jerked her head in the direction of the cameraman. 'It might be just a tourist … '
'Take Alessandra below deck,' he commanded curtly.
'I don't think-'
'Do as I say,' he clipped out.
Eliza rose stiffly to her feet and, putting a protective hand to the back of the little child's head, went back down below deck. She tucked Alessandra into one of the beds in one of the luxury sleeping suites and gently closed the door. She sat in the lounge and fumed about Leo's curt manner. She understood he wanted to protect his little daughter but the bigger the issue he made out of it the more anxious Alessandra might become. She felt it would be better to explain to Alessandra that there were journalists out and about who were interested in her Papà's life and that it was part and parcel of being a successful public figure.
And how dare he speak to her as if she was just a servant? They were lovers for God's sake! It might be a temporary arrangement and all that, but she refused to be spoken to as if she had no standing with him at all.
Leo came down to the lounge after a few minutes, his expression black with anger. 'When I ask you to do something I expect you to do it, not stand there arguing about it.'
Eliza got abruptly to her feet and shot him a glare. 'You didn't ask me. You ordered me.'
His mouth tightened until his lips all but disappeared. 'You will do as I ask or order, do you hear me?'
She glowered at him. 'I will not be spoken to like that. And what if Alessandra had been awake? What's she going to think if she hears you barking out orders as if I'm nothing to you but yet another obsequious servant you've surrounded yourself with to make your life run like stupid clockwork?'
His dark gaze took on a probing glint. 'Are you saying you want to be more to me than an employee?'
Eliza rued her reckless tongue. 'No … no, I'm not saying that.'
'Then what are you saying?'
She blew out a tense little breath. What was she saying? She wanted to be more to him than a temporary fling but he was never going to ask her and she wasn't free to accept if by some miracle he did. 'I'm saying you have no right to order me about like a drill sergeant. There will always be journalists lurking about. You have to prepare Alessandra for it. She's old enough to understand that people are interested in your life.'
He scraped a hand through his hair, making it even more tousled than the wind had done. 'I'm sorry. I was wrong to snap at you. It just caught me off guard seeing that guy with that camera up there.'
'Was it a journalist?'
'Probably. I'm not sure what paper or agency he works for. It doesn't seem to matter. The photos go viral within minutes.' His expression tightened. 'I can't stand the thought of my daughter being the target of intrusive paparazzi. I'm not ready to expose her to that.'
'I know this is really hard for you,' Eliza said. 'But Alessandra will feel your tension if you don't relax a bit. Other high profile parents have to deal with this stuff all the time. The more you try and resist these people, the more attractive you become as a target.'
'You're probably right … ' He gave her a worn down look. 'I always swore I would never let her go through a childhood like mine. I want to protect her as much as I can. I want her to feel safe and loved.'
'What was it like during your childhood?'
He sucked in another breath and released it in a whoosh. 'It certainly wasn't all tartan picnic blankets and soft cuddly puppies. I think my mother needed to justify her decision to leave by publicly documenting a whole list of infringements my father and I had supposedly done. I was just a little kid. What had I done other than be a kid? My father … well, all he had done was love her. The press made the most of it, of course. The scandal of my mother's affair was splashed over every paper in the country but she didn't seem to care. It was as if she was proud to have got away from the shackles of domesticity. It destroyed my father. He just crumpled emotionally to think he wasn't enough for her-that she had sold out to someone who had more money than him.'
Eliza could understand now why he had such a fierce desire to keep Alessandra out of the probing eyes of the media. He had been caught in the crossfire as a child. How distressing it must have been to have all those private issues made public. She put a hand on his arm. 'You weren't to blame for your parents' problems.'
He looked down at her for a long moment, his gaze deep and dark. 'How did your mother die?'
She dropped her hand from his arm and turned away, folding her arms across her body. 'What has that got to do with anything?'
'You've never told me. I want to know. What happened to her?'
Eliza blew out a breath and faced him again. What was the point of hiding it? She was the product of despair and degradation. It couldn't be changed. She couldn't miraculously whitewash her background any more than he could his. 'Drugs and drink robbed her of her life. They robbed me of both my parents when it comes down to it. I suspect my father was the one who introduced her to drugs. He's serving time in prison for drug-related offences. The one and only time I visited him he asked me to drug run for him. It might seem strange, given that familial blood is supposed to be thicker than water, but I declined. I guess it had something to do with the fact that I was farmed out to distant relatives who weren't all that enamoured with the prospect of raising a young, bewildered and overly sensitive child. The only true family I've known is my fiancé's. So, as to tartan picnic blankets and puppies … well, I have no experience of that, either.'
He put a gentle hand on her shoulder. 'I'm sorry.'
Eliza gave him the vestige of a smile. 'Why are you apologising? It's not your fault. I was already royally screwed up when I met you.'
His eyes roved her face, lingering over her gaze as if searching for the real person hiding behind the shadows. 'Maybe, but I probably made it a whole lot worse.'
'You didn't.' She put her hand on his chest, feeling his heart beating slow and steadily underneath her palm. 'I was happy for those three weeks. It was like stepping into someone else's life. For that period of time I didn't have a care in the world. It was like a dream, a fantasy. I didn't want it to end.'
'Then why did you end it?'
Her hand slid off his chest to push through the curtain of her windswept hair. 'All good things have to come to an end, don't they? It was time to move on. Soon it will be time to move on again.'
'What about Alessandra? You've been very good for her-even Tatiana says so. And it's easy to see how attached she's become to you.'
Eliza felt that painful little fishhook tug on her heart again. 'She'll cope. She'll have Kathleen and Marella and, most importantly, she'll have you.'
'Will you miss her?'
'I'll miss her terribly. She's such a little sweetheart.' I wish she were mine.
'And what about me?' His eyes were suddenly unreadable. 'Will you miss me too?'
Eliza's heart gave another painful contraction at the thought of leaving him. Would their paths ever cross again? Would the only contact be seeing him from time to time in a gossip magazine with some other woman on his arm? How would she bear it? What if he did decide to marry again? He might go on to have another child, or even more than one. He would have the family she had longed for while she would be stuck in her bleak, lonely life back at home, trapped in an engagement with a man who could not free her from it even if he wanted to.
She forced a worldly smile to her lips. 'I'll certainly miss picnics on luxury launches and swanning about in a villa that's as big as an apartment block.'
'That wasn't what I was asking.'
'Just what exactly are you asking?' She gave him a pointed look. 'It's not like you want me to stay with you permanently-Kathleen is coming back. You won't need me any more.'
'We'd better get going.' His expression was a mask of stone. 'I have some work to see to before we leave for London tomorrow.'