His Final Bargain(25)

Hadn't she felt the same desperate ache for stability and love as a  child? Throughout her lonely childhood she had clutched on to various  caregivers in an attempt to feel loved and cherished. Whenever she had  been sent to yet another foster placement, she had blamed herself for  not being pretty enough, cute enough or lovable enough. The constant  pressure of wondering whether she was doing the right thing to make  people love her had worn her down. She had eventually stopped trying and  at times had deliberately sabotaged the relationships that could have  most helped her.

But Alessandra wasn't a difficult child to love. Eliza loved all  children-even the most trying ones-but something about Leo's little girl  had planted a tiny fishhook in her heart. She felt it tugging on her  whenever she thought of the day when her time with her would come to an  end. Leaving Leo would break her heart, leaving his daughter would rip  it from her chest.

'I'm afraid that's not possible,' Leo said in a matter-of-fact tone. 'Now, let's go and get that picnic, shall we?'

Leo's motor launch was moored amongst similar luxury boats down at the  marina. It was a beautiful vessel, sleek and powerful as it carved  through the water. The sun was bright and made thousands of diamonds  sparkle across the surface of the sea. It was a poignant reminder that  little Alessandra couldn't see the beauty that surrounded them. But she  was clearly enjoying being in the fresh air with the briny scent of the  sea in the air. She lifted her face to the breeze as the boat moved  across the water and giggled in delight when a spray of moisture hit her  face. 'It's wetting me!'

'The ocean is blowing you kisses,' Eliza said and dropped a kiss on the  top of the little girl's wind-tousled hair. She looked up and caught  Leo's gaze on her. 'It's a gorgeous boat, Leo. Have you had it long?'

'I bought it just before Alessandra was born.' He brushed back his hair  off his face with one of his hands, and although he was wearing  reflective sunglasses she could see the crease of a frown between his  brows. 'I thought it'd be a great thing to do as a family. Get out on  the water, sail into the sunset, get away from the madding crowd, so to  speak.' His mouth twisted ruefully. 'I only ever take it out on my own,  mostly late at night when Alessandra's fast asleep in bed when Kathleen  or Marella are on duty. I suppose I should think about selling it.'

Eliza looked at his wind-tousled hair and her heart gave a little leap  of hope. 'Is that where you went the other night? Out here on the  boat … alone?'

His expression was self-deprecating. 'Not quite what you were expecting from a worldly playboy, is it?'

Eliza was conscious of Alessandra sitting on her knee but she hoped the  unfamiliar English words would not compromise her innocence. 'When was  the last time you were … um … a playboy?'

'I took my marriage vows seriously, even though nothing was happening in  that department, more or less since that first night. We agreed to  leave things on a platonic basis. In the time since she … left us ten  months ago … ' he glanced at his daughter for a moment before returning  his gaze to hers ' … I've had other more important priorities.'                       
       
           



       

Eliza stared at him in shock. For the last four years he had not been  out with a variety of mistresses. He hadn't been with anyone. Like her,  he had been concentrating on his responsibilities, trying to do the best  he could under difficult and heart-wrenching circumstances. The night  she had thought he had been having bed-wrecking sex with some casual  hook-up, he had actually been out on his boat-alone. Probably spending  the time like she did back in her life in England, tortured with guilt  and desperation at how life had thrown such a devastating curve ball.

Alessandra shifted on Eliza's lap. 'I'm hungry.'

Eliza ruffled the little tot's raven-black hair. 'Then let's have breakfast.'

Leo met her gaze and gave her a smile. 'How about you set up the picnic  in the dining area while I teach this young lady how to steer a motor  launch?'

'Can I steer it? Can I really?' Alessandra asked with excitement. 'What if I run into something?'

He scooped her up in his arms and carried her towards the bow. 'You'll  have me by your side to direct you, mia piccola. We'll be a team. A team  works together so no one gets into trouble. We look out for each  other.'

'Can Eliza be part of our team?' Alessandra asked. 'For always and always?'

Eliza blinked back a rush of tears and looked out at the ocean so Leo  couldn't see how much his little girl's request had pained her. Why was  life always so full of such difficult choices? If she chose to stay she  would be abandoning Samantha and Ewan. If she chose to leave she would  be breaking not only her own heart, but also dear little Alessandra's.

As for Leo's heart … did he still have one after what happened between  them four years ago? She had a feeling he had closed off his heart since  then. Yes, he loved his daughter, but he would allow no one else to get  close to him.

'She's a part of our team for now,' he said in a deep and gravelly tone.  'Now, let's get your hands on the wheel. Yes, just like that. Now, here  we go-full steam ahead.'

On the way back to the marina after breakfast, Leo glanced at Eliza, who  was sitting with his daughter on her lap, holding one of her little  hands in hers with an indulgent smile on her face. To anyone looking  from the outside, she would easily pass for Alessandra's biological  mother with her glossy mahogany hair and creamy toned skin.

Although he had paid an enormous sum of money to engage her services as a  nanny, he suspected she would have been just as dedicated if he had  paid her nothing. She seemed to genuinely care for his daughter. He had  seen her numerous times when she hadn't known he was watching. Those  spontaneous hugs and kisses she gave Alessandra could not be anything  but genuine.

Even his housekeeper, Marella, had commented on how much happier  Alessandra seemed now that Eliza was there. Truth be told, he had found  it a little unnerving to see Eliza's relationship grow and blossom with  his daughter. He hadn't planned on Alessandra getting so attached to her  so quickly. He had felt confident Alessandra's relationship with  Kathleen would override any new feelings she developed for Eliza.

And, as much as he hated to admit it, the villa did seem more of a home  with the sound of laughter and footsteps going up and down the  corridors. Eliza had enhanced his daughter's life in such a short time.  Her swimming lessons and her trips to the beach had built his daughter's  awareness of the world around her. Eliza's competence and confidence in  exposing Alessandra to new things had helped give him the confidence to  take this outing today. She had shown him that he could afford to be  more adventurous in taking Alessandra out and about more. His little  girl might not be able to see the things he so desperately wanted her to  see, but she had clearly enjoyed the sunshine and the fresh air and the  sound of the water and the sea birds. How much more could he help her  experience?

But how could he do it without Eliza?

When they returned from the trip to London there would be less than ten  days left before Kathleen returned. She had emailed him and told him she  wasn't going to stay in Ireland with her family after all. A couple of  weeks ago he would have been thrilled by that announcement.

But now … he wasn't sure he wanted to think about how he felt.

Eliza hadn't been wearing her engagement ring but he had noticed it  swinging on a chain around her neck a couple of times. She took care  never to wear it when they were in bed together but it irked him that  she still clung to it. He knew she wasn't in love with the guy and yet  he didn't like to fool himself that she was in love with him instead.                       
       
           



       

Their arrangement was purely a sexual one, not an emotional one. He was  happy with that. Perhaps happy was not the best choice of word-content,  satisfied …

OK, frustrated was probably a little closer to how he was feeling. He  always felt as if she gave everything of herself physically when they  were together but there was a part of her that was still off-limits.

What perverse facet of his personality craved that one elusive part of  her that she refused to offer him? It wasn't as if he loved her. He had  sworn he would never allow himself to be that vulnerable again. Hadn't  he learnt that lesson the hard way in childhood? He had loved his mother  and look how she had walked out as if he had meant nothing to her.

He flatly refused to let anyone do that to him again. He had been caught  off guard with Eliza four years ago. The sudden death of his father had  left him reeling. He had seen something in Eliza that had spoken  directly to his damaged soul. He had felt as if they were kindred  spirits. He knew that it sounded like some sort of crystal ball  claptrap, but it had stayed with him all the same-the sense that they  had both experienced bitter disappointment in life and were searching  for some way of soothing that deep ache in their psyche. Their physical  connection had transcended anything he had experienced before. Even now  his body was humming with the aftershocks of their lovemaking last  night. No one pleasured him the way she did. He suspected no one  pleasured her the way he did, either.