Falling into Surrender(12)

"No," she says firmly. "I wouldn't let you see it. You had taken me away  from my hell, and I wanted to be strong for you, make you proud. I  didn't want you to see it."

I nod, even though I really don't understand it. She could have come to  me. I try to ignore my nagging thoughts and ask her what happened next  instead.

"Well, the guy wasn't interested in sex with me," she says with red  cheeks. "Which was actually a huge relief. I don't know what the hell I  was thinking when I said it."

"Anyway, I guess he could see how weak and desperate I was, and he  seized the opportunity. He made up some bullshit story about being an  undercover detective and he was working on some case. He said that me  and my friend fit the profile of two women who had been kidnapped and  sold into human trafficking. He told me he would give me some cash, and  all I had to do was verify our names. I knew he was full of shit, but I  went along with it. I tried to lie, to make up some fake names and  stuff. But he knew I was lying. He shoved me up against a wall and  threatened to choke me to death if I didn't tell him your real name. I  was scared, Victoria. I didn't know what else to do, so I told him who  you were."

Alanna pauses, gulping in air and wiping the tears from her face before  continuing. "As soon as he was gone, I went back to the dealer and got  what I could. I came straight to the hotel and told you that bullshit  story about being recognized. It was surprisingly easy at first, lying  to you. I was so used to lying to Mitchell to cover my tracks. But when I  saw how concerned you were for me, and thought about everything that  you had already done for me, the guilt set in. I had never felt more  like a piece of shit in my life than I did in that moment."

"After we ran, I knew what I had to do. What I wanted to do. Not only  had I tried to sell my body for drugs, I sold out the only person I  actually had in my corner. I was lost and depressed, and I knew I had  hit rock bottom. I didn't think there was ever any getting out of it. So  when you left to get groceries, I took every pill I had. I knew it  wouldn't be fair to you, to find me dead like that, but I figured it  would be better than if I left and did it somewhere else. You wouldn't  stop looking for me if I did that, and I was hoping that by the time you  got back to the hotel, I would be dead. You could just pack up and  leave without me burdening you anymore."

It takes a moment for what Alanna just told me to sink in. She actually tried to kill herself. The thought is unbearable.

"My God, Alanna, I had no idea. I thought it was an accident. I never  once felt like you were a burden on me." I take a moment to control my  own shaky voice. "In fact, just the opposite. You were the only person  in the world I had to rely on. I …  I don't know what I would have done if  you had died. I would have been devastated."

Alanna shakes violently with sobs from my revelation, and I pull her  into a hug. We stay like that for a long time before we both finally  calm down.

"I understand you never meant to hurt me Alanna, and I forgive you. You  aren't a bad person, you were just struggling with things beyond your  control at that point. Please, let's just forget all of this. I want  things to go back to the way they were."

Alanna nods as I pull away slightly. "I do too," she says. "I've been so  worried about you. And Gabriel too. He loves you so much Victoria."

My heart swells as I glance back through the glass windows to meet his eyes across the room. Always watching over me.

"I love him too."





Chapter Nine         

     



 

Victoria





I spend the rest of the evening surrounded by Gabriel and my friends. As  I watch him laughing and smiling along with everyone else, I can't help  but notice how different he is these days. He's a far cry from the  angry, brooding man I first met. When he looks at me, I can see the  intensity of his love, along with his ever-lingering concern. I love  this man. And now I'm free to be with him. But what does that mean for  us?

My wandering thoughts are interrupted when the last of our guests stand  to leave. I hug Angelina and agree to have lunch with her the next day  before sending her down in the elevator. Abel and Trevor both left  earlier, and now Alanna is the only one that remains. She looks at  Gabriel nervously as the three of us stand at his front door.

"What's the matter?" I ask her.

She opens her mouth to speak, but Gabriel interjects. "Victoria," he  says softly. "Alanna was attacked in your apartment when Allan came for  her. After she got out of the hospital, she couldn't handle being there  anymore."

I give her a sympathetic glance, wondering where exactly they're going with this.

"I'm sorry, Toto." She nods. "But it's true, it was too hard to stay there, so I had to move out."

"Okay … " I nod. "But where are you living?"

"I moved in with Nathan," she says. "He asked me to."

"And we moved your stuff here," Gabriel says. "I want you to stay with me."

"Oh." I take a quick glance around the apartment, feeling a little weird  about the whole situation. "I don't want to stay here because you feel  obligated, Gabriel. I can find somewhere else."

He furrows his brow and clutches my hand in his. "I don't feel obligated. I love you, Victoria. I never want to let you go."

Alanna grins stupidly at his sentiment, and I can't help my own goofy smile. "We'll figure this out later," I say.

Alanna hugs me before making a quick exit, leaving me alone with Gabriel.

"Finally," I murmur. "I have you all to myself."

He smiles softly, but there is an unfamiliar emotion in his eyes. He  doesn't look happy, in fact, I would venture to guess that he looks a  little sad. "I'm sorry baby," he says. "I have to catch up on some  work."

"Oh." I frown. "Okay."

"It's been a long day," he says. "Why don't you let me run you a bath and you can catch up on some sleep."

"I'm not tired," I protest. "All I did while I was away was sleep. I can wait up for you."

Gabriel runs a weary hand through his hair and looks as though he's in  physical pain, but I can't understand why. "I'm sorry Victoria, but I'm  afraid I have a lot to do. I'll be up very late. I'm meeting with some  investors tomorrow for the new business, so I have to get this done."

"Okay." I smile, trying to hide my disappointment as I kiss him softly on the lips. "I guess I'll see you in the morning."

After my bath, I turn into bed and am surprised by how tired I actually  am. Even though Gabriel is just down the hall, I feel an aching  loneliness inside of me. He's acting strange. I can't remember him ever  denying me before and find it especially odd considering how long we've  been apart. As I consider all the possibilities, I drift off into a  fitful sleep.

When I wake in the morning, I roll over to find the space beside me  empty. Gabriel is either up early or never came to bed at all last  night. There's a gnawing feeling inside my stomach as I walk to the  bathroom and wash up.

When I walk into the kitchen, I find him at the breakfast bar reading  the newspaper, already dressed for work. "Good morning," he says.

"Good morning," I mumble. "I was wondering where you were."

He looks away as he takes a sip from the orange juice in front of him.  "I have to go in early today, you know to get all of this taken care  of." He waves his hand around at the imaginary burdens in the air around  him.

"Okay, well what time will you be back tonight?" I try to contain the  emotion in my voice. I've missed him, and I have no idea why it feels  like there's an ocean between us.         

     



 

"I'm not sure," he says, rising to his feet. "I'll let you know, baby.  I've got to go." And with a quick peck on the cheek, he's out the door.



The morning seems to drag on. I find that Gabriel has already put all of  my clothes into one side of his walk-in closet, and the rest of my  stuff is packed neatly in boxes. I sort through the boxes, pulling out  my makeup and other necessities before I shower.

After I'm dressed and ready for the day, I call Marvin at the courier  office, only to be informed that I no longer have a job there. He had to  hire two other couriers while I was gone, but at least had the decency  to sound apologetic. I suspect that it has more to do with my stint in  the slammer than anything else, but thank him politely anyway.

I grab my camera and head into the city to take some photos. But after  an hour, I've already given up. My heart just isn't in it today, so I  hop on the subway and make my way to Café Dolce to meet Angelina for  lunch.

It's just past noon when I walk into the small Italian themed café to  find Angelina waiting patiently for me. She jumps from her seat and  pulls me into a warm hug. "Hey, dollface!"