Falling into Surrender(11)

In some weird twist of fate, I've just read the part where the guards  have heaved Dante into the sea when a shadow passes over my door. It's  one of the guards, looking a little too cheerful for my liking. He  slides open the door, replacing the keys on his belt.

"C'mon." He gestures me forward. "It's time to go."

My suspicion takes the form of snarkiness as I quirk my eyebrow at him in question. Time to go …  where?

"What do you mean?"

"You are officially free to go," he says, apparently unfazed by my  bitter tone. "All charges dropped. Your boyfriend is waiting outside for  you, and he's brought you a fresh change of clothes to go home in."

I can't move. At first I think I might be delusional, imagining things. I  set down my book and take a step like the floor is made of lava. Like  someone's about to jump out and tell me it's all some big joke, and I'm  the butt of it.

The way the guard's looking at me tells me this probably isn't at all  unusual. I force both my feet to cooperate as I walk down the long  corridors, looking over my shoulder every chance I get. The guard takes  me to a small room where a female guard gives me some clothing to wear.  It's a thin summer skirt and blouse with matching sandals. No doubt  Gabriel picked them out because I notice they're all designer tags. The  thought that I'm walking out of prison in designer clothing is a little  ridiculous.

After I change, I'm given a bag full of the contents I had with me when I  arrived. Which, after my clothing had been taken as evidence, turns out  to be only a small bracelet I was wearing that day, as well as a few  coins from my pocket. The detectives are there to greet me. They explain  that their investigation is complete, and all charges against me have  been dropped.

Overwhelming emotion takes the form of dizziness as they lead me towards  freedom. Outside the gates, a black car is waiting, with Gabriel  leaning casually against it. I come to a dead halt as he strides across  the lot and scoops me up into his arms, kissing me softly.

His warmth, his touch, his scent …  they all wash over me like a balm to  my battered spirit. This is really happening. Gabriel pulls away,  holding me at arm's length while he studies me for a few moments.

"Jesus, baby," he whispers. "You're skin and bones. What did they do to you in there?"

"It's nice to see you too," I say through the rush of tears.

He furrows his brow and pulls me back into his arms, burying his face in my hair. "I've missed you so much."

He ushers me to the waiting car and Paul opens the door for us, greeting  me with a bigger smile than I'm used to. As I glance over my shoulders,  I see the detectives smiling back at me.

Once inside the confines of the car, Gabriel already has the privacy  screen up. He sets me down on the seat before sliding in next to me. His  expression has changed from one of pure elation to one of uncertainty  as he speaks.

"Victoria," he begins. "Are we okay? Do we need to talk about what happened?"

I cut him off by climbing astride him and wrapping my hands around his  neck, holding his head in place as I lean in and kiss him. A heart  wrenchingly sweet kiss. His lips feel so good on mine I never want to  leave them. Gabriel groans beneath me and clutches me like his very life  depends on it.

"I need you," I whisper against him.

It's all I have to say. His hands set to removing as much of my clothing  as he has the patience for. When he reaches my panties, he simply pulls  them aside while I unzip his pants. He's hard as steel in my palm when I  grasp him, and I wonder if he can feel the crazy amount of tension  between us too. The buildup of our time spent away from each other, and  everything that we've been though together. This is what I need, to feel  him inside of me, connected to me. I don't hesitate for a moment as I  lower myself onto him.         

     



 

Gabriel makes love to me during the entire car ride home. It's different  than what I'm used to, and I'm not sure why. He's treating me like I'm  made of glass. And when we are finished, I swear I can see regret in his  eyes.

"What's the matter?" I ask nervously.

"Nothing," he reassures me. "I just don't want to hurt you."

I nod, trying to accept that he's just being protective.

"We're here," he announces.

When I look out the window and realize we're at his apartment, a bit of panic takes over.

"Alanna!" I say quickly. "I need to go to my apartment and see her."

Then for a brief moment I wonder why she didn't come with Gabriel to get  me. It seems so unlike her. Perhaps she's still feeling guilty, or  maybe Gabriel told her he preferred to come alone. Either way, I need to  see her, talk to her, and make sure that we're all right.

"It's okay," Gabriel reassures me. "You'll see her soon I promise."

With a chaste kiss to my forehead, he redresses me and tugs me out of  the car. I trail behind him, not really sure what he means, but I'm too  overwhelmed to argue. As I walk through the fresh air, it finally hits  me. I'm free. Not just from prison, but from running, from Eleanore, all  of it. I can finally live without looking back over my shoulder.  Although, I suspect, it will still take more time for that to really  sink in.

As we step into the elevator, Gabriel seems a bit nervous and somewhat  detached. He has his arm wrapped tightly around my shoulder, but I can  tell his thoughts are elsewhere. When we finally arrive at the top floor  and open his door, we're greeted by a swarm of friendly faces. Alanna,  Trevor, Angelina, and Abel are all waiting inside for us.

There's a commotion all around me as I'm quickly scooped up for hugs …  by  everyone but Alanna. She is standing back nervously, watching me with a  shy smile on her face. So not like the Alanna I know. I take a  tentative step towards her, and her lips finally curl up into a full  blown grin as she pulls me in for a bear hug.

Gabriel ushers the rest of the guests into the kitchen to get some  drinks, and I'm left alone with Alanna. She pulls away from me slowly,  concern furrowing her brow.

"Victoria, I want to explain … "

"It's okay. It doesn't have to be right now."

"No, it does," she states firmly. "I can't stand walking around for one  more day with this on my chest. You were refusing our letters and visits  over the last couple of weeks, and I've been so racked with guilt.  Please, just give me five minutes. Come out to the balcony with me?"

I glance across the room at Gabriel, and though Trevor is engaging him  in conversation, he gives me a reassuring nod. I take Alanna's  outstretched hand and follow her out to the balcony. Once the glass door  is shut behind us, we both sit down on the wicker chairs facing each  other.

"Victoria, first of all, I have to say that I am so sorry I didn't tell  you before. I know it's too late to say it now, but over the years I did  try to tell you. Every time I thought I could, you would say something  so nice, and I would chicken out. I couldn't bear to have you hate me  for what I did."

"I don't hate you," I reply softly. "I just don't understand what happened."

Alanna takes a deep breath and her eyes fill with tears as she explains.  "One night when I told you I was going out to do some errands, what I  was really doing was looking to score. It had been over a week since my  last fix, and I was broke, going through withdrawals and completely  desperate. I was too ashamed to tell you how pathetic I was. I didn't  know how to get help. I didn't want to admit to anyone that I had a  problem."

"You weren't pathetic," I intervene, placing my hand on hers. "You were  in a bad way. We all do things we aren't proud of at one time or  another."

"Well what I'm about to tell you is probably the most shameful thing I  ever did," she says regretfully. "Not long after I left the hotel that  night, I realized there was a man following me. I don't think he knew I  was onto him, but I played it cool. I would lose him for a little while,  and I walked into the seediest parts I could find, trying to make a  deal with somebody. I just needed a little fix, that's what I kept  telling myself. After five different dealers refused me, and one even  threatened to hurt me if I didn't leave, I got really desperate. I kept  walking, and the man kept following me. I figured he was obviously a  creep, but he was probably only interested in one thing."         

     



 

Alanna pauses for a few moments, shaking her head as she gathers the  courage to continue. I squeeze her hand for reassurance as the tears  really start flowing. "I tried to sell myself to him, Victoria. I was  that fucking desperate. I offered him sex if he could give me some  cash."

A weird noise escapes my throat and I realize I'm shaking my head. It's  probably coming across as judgment, but it isn't. It's pure heartbreak.

"I'm so sorry, Alanna," I say. "I had no idea you were that desperate. I should have seen it sooner."