beautifully broken(57)
“These shoes look like they’re straight out of 'The Wizard of Oz,' but since sometimes I’m like the tornado that blew you into Oz, I guess you can wear Dorothy’s red slippers. And if I’m gone and seem lost, maybe you can do a little click and I’ll find my way home.”
“It’s corny isn’t it?” I ask, feeling a little embarrassed.
She nods and climbs on my lap.
“As corny as you being my Prince Charming,” she says, kissing me softly. I want more of her. I wrap my arms around her waist and press her down on my lap so she can feel how much I want her. She giggles.
“Are you going to wear them for me?”
“I have the perfect white dress for them,” she says, running her hands through my hair.
“No dress. Just them,” I say, watching her skin turn red.
“Later,” she promises. “I have to run and pick up your gift,” she says hopping off me. She runs to the console table and grabs her purse.
“No, my gift can be you,” I whine. She cannot leave me with a full hard on.
“It will be. Tonight,” she promises, reaching the door. I give her the saddest face I can muster.
“Don’t look at me like that.” She giggles, and I make my way closer to her. “No. Five feet,” she threatens, her hand on the doorknob, laughing.
“I hope you’ve gotten a lot of sleep since I’ve been gone. Because you’re going to be up all night,” she says, giving me a faux-warning and my body perks up at the thought.
“Plenty,” I say with a wink before she slips out the door.
*
My work out this morning must have really kicked my ass. I usually never take naps. When the phone rings I almost put it back down until I see it’s Dexter and he’s called twice.
“What’s up Dexter?” I ask groggily.
“We have a problem,” he says solemnly. His tone causes me to sit up in the bed.
“What type of problem?” I ask him anxiously.
“Helen’s talked to her team. The medication hasn’t been recommended for further trial…” I heard what he just said, but he can’t have just said what I think he’s just said.
“Can you run that by me again?” I ask, hoping that I heard him wrong, that I’m still asleep and my brain isn’t functioning right.
“I’m sorry Cal,” he says quietly. He’s sorry? No, no fucking way.
“I don’t give a shit what the eggheads are saying. Have Helen bring me the rest of what she has,” I say simply.
“Cal she can’t. The medication has shown dangerous side effects. They are going to do further testing but as of now, it’s all being decimated.”
“You’re kidding me. You’re fucking kidding me!” I yell. Fuck controlling my temper or trying not to be mad. This, this can’t. They can’t just stop it.
“It’s been working Dex. Other than the damn hot flashes, it’s working. You know it is,” I say, feeling myself start to panic.
“Helen can tell you the medical specifics but if you have any more, flush it. You have to stop taking it.”
“Bullshit!” I yell into the phone. I want to throw it into the wall.
“I know you’re mad Cal,”
“Mad? I’m fucking furious! I can’t stop taking it. What the hell am I going to do? You told me you were sure before I did this. This changes everything!”
Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me!
“I’m not going to stop!”
“Cal this is Helen. Listen to me, everything is going to be okay. I promise you, we’ll make this work,” she says, trying to calm me down. I’m so mad there are tears in my eyes.
“I-am-not-going-to-stop!”
“If you don’t you’re dead Cal. You understand, this could kill you,” Dexter says as if he’s talking to a fucking kid.
“I might as well be Dex! How the fuck am I supposed to explain this?”
“Lauren loves you. She will understand. We just tell her the truth,” Helen says. The truth. Yeah the truth, after we’re already married. Tell her she’s trapped in a marriage with two different people? I won’t do that to her. I can’t. There has to be another way.
“I won’t. I can’t take her through that shit,”
“Let me see what I can do Cal. Let me figure things out,” Helen interjects.
“Well, figure it out fast,” I say and hang up the phone. My throat is burning, there’s a stinging in my chest. I want the feeling gone now, fast. I throw my phone down and next thing I know I’ve punched through the fucking wall. It hurts but it distracts me from what’s wrong. What is about to go terribly wrong.