a reason to live(12)

Shane stared back at Max, assessing. There was no pity written on his face. Only the acceptance of a man who’d known him all his life. After carrying around the burden of guilt for the past year, the thought of laying it out for someone who understood him was tempting. So tempting that he found himself letting it all hang out.

“She couldn’t handle being in the trenches,” he started. “I knew this and should have requested a transfer. But there was a drive in her to better herself that kept me from following my instincts. She was nineteen fuckin’ years old, Max. She should have been at home on a date with some kid, but now she’s dead because I didn’t want to crush her spirit.”

“Did you force her to enlist?” Max asked.

“No,” he answered with a frustrated sigh.

“Pull the trigger or explode the bomb that killed her?”

“No.”

“Was she a danger to the rest of your unit?”

“No, but that doesn’t change a thing.”

“I agree, it doesn’t, but it also doesn’t mean it was your fault. You’re a man like me,” Max pointed out.

“I’m worse,” Shane countered. “Always have been and you know it.”

Max paused, then nodded. He knew Shane’s natural inclinations ran deeper than his. They were like-minded; in fact, it was his possessive nature and need for control that had formed their bond in early childhood. That, and the fact they found out they were distantly related on his father's side through their great-great-great-great grandparents. But Shane took his need for control to a different level. So much so, Max knew Shane’s head would explode if he tied himself to a woman like Mia. Where Max liked control, Shane demanded it, and that would never fly with his tenacious wife.

“Agreed, you're worse. But like me, you take your responsibility to those who depend on you seriously. You feel like you fucked up even though you didn’t, and I get that. But in time you’ll see that some things are out of our control like I did when I lost my dad. I should have been the one directing the men the day he died, but I wasn’t. I knew his hearing was going, but I didn’t want to make him feel less of a man because of it. Now he’s gone and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it but accept that shit happens and then deal with it the best I can. Simple as that.”

Shane had just left Trails End for the Army when Max’s father was crushed by a tree. He hadn’t been here to see the aftermath of what his death had done to Max. But knowing Max as well as he did, he knew that even ten years later, he was holding on to some of the guilt.

“Jesus, you’ve turned into your father,” Shane grunted as he considered Max’s advice.

Max nodded at the compliment, and then, just like his father would do for Max when he was screwing up, he laid it out for Shane. “I know guilt like this takes some time to process, I get that. And looking back now on the last year, some of your decisions and actions make more sense. But hear me when I say you need to find another way to cope. Especially when it comes to my wife.”

Shane’s lips twitched when he saw the fire in Max’s eyes.

“Figured it out, did you?”

“Yeah, and for the record, I’m not gonna beat the shit out of you for flirting with Mia just so you can feel like you’ve been punished,” Max bit out.

“I’ll bear that in mind.”

“That would be the smart thing to do,” Max replied, punctuating his answer with a glare.

Seeing Max’s every action directed by his love for a woman still amazed Shane, and his face broke into a smile. The king of the mountain had fallen hard.

“Well, I’ve always been smart,” Shane conceded with a smirk.

“That, you have. Now, enough bullshit. Get me a beer and then tell me how my company is holding up after two weeks without me.”

Shane had visited the past enough for one day, so he lay down his ax, slapped Max on the shoulder, and jerked his head toward the house for him to follow.

When they entered his kitchen, Shane grabbed a beer for Max as he organized the last two weeks in his head.

“That woman has a backbone, I’ll give her that,” Max mumbled as Shane handed him a beer. “And a great rack in case you missed it.”

“Jesus, Max, if you want me to stop flirting with your wife, I suggest you don’t bring up how perky her breasts are when I’m around.”

“What did I just say about this shit?” Max guffawed.

“You brought it up.”

“I’m talking about Sage,” he gritted out.

Max watched in fascination as Shane’s face blanked of emotion at the mention of her name. Then a spark ignited like lightning in a storm. Max grinned slowly as he popped the top of his beer. Oh, how the tables had turned. He’d watched their encounter closely, curious as to whom the woman was, and in between all the shouting, he could tell Shane was highly attracted to her. Seeing his possessive side ignite at the mention of Sage’s generous breasts confirmed his suspicions.