Zack(98)

Of course, it’s moot now. Things are so fucking far down the shitter that I don’t think they can ever be rescued and polished up.

Ryker pulls his phone out and says, “Give me Kate’s number. I’m going to call her right now.”

I blink at him in surprise and do a quick sweep of my gaze across the bar. “You’re just going to call her right now…from a bar?”

“Yeah, why not? No time like the present.”

I shrug and pull my phone out. I’ve never memorized Kate’s number because she was always in my favorites contact list. I haven’t taken her out of there yet because I just couldn’t bear to do it. I pull up her contact info and read her number off to him.

He types it directly into his phone and then calls her.

I watch as he holds the phone to his ear and waits for Kate to answer. It’s the closest I’ve been to her since she walked out the door.

And fuck…that was a miserable day for me, but more so for Ben.

Kate was up early that morning, but I was up earlier waiting for her in the kitchen. She startled in surprise when she saw me and then proceeded to ignore me while she made a pot of coffee. I tried to reason with her one more time.

“Kate…is there anything I could say that could get you to stay?”

She looked at me with those clear blue eyes and smiled at me sadly. “You can tell me that you love me.”

I was so startled by her request that I reared backward in my chair. My reaction was palpable and she just lowered her gaze while shaking her head in resignation.

I had nothing to say. My lips wouldn’t move…my throat wouldn’t cooperate.

I couldn’t tell her I loved her because that concept was too foreign for me to consider. I definitely cared for Kate, in a way that I never would have thought was possible after Gina died, but I was pretty damn sure love would never be part of the equation for me again. I was a complete fuckup when it came to love.

The rest of the morning, Kate hung out with Ben, but only after I sat down at the kitchen table with both of them while Kate explained to Ben that she needed to leave and return home. My heart broke in two when his eyes filled with tears and he merely asked, “Why?”

Because I’m an ass.

Because I’m too afraid to hold on to her.

Because I could never offer her what she truly needs and that’s a failure I can’t handle.

Instead Kate pulled him into her arms and hugged him tightly. She kissed him on the head and told him gently, “It’s just time for me to move on. It has nothing to do with you, little man.”

Then I’ll never forget as long as I live what he asked Kate next. Looking at her with solemn eyes, he asked, “Are you going away like my mom?”

Kate valiantly choked back a sob and in a tremulous voice told him, “Of course not, silly. I’m going to be just a phone call away from you, and I’m sure your daddy will let me visit you when I can come back.”

Ben turned his tear-streaked face to me and asked, “Kate can come and visit?”

My throat tightened and I had to give a little cough to clear it, but I told him, “Sure thing, buddy. Anytime she wants.”

My door would always be open to Kate.

I left them alone after that and hung out in my office the rest of the morning until I heard a car pull into the driveway. I pulled the curtain back and peeked out the window just in time to see Kate’s father getting out of a beat-up old pickup truck and Kate flying into his arms. He hugged her hard, twirled her around twice, and kissed her on the head. When he tried to pull back, she grabbed on to him tighter and wouldn’t let him go.

Dropping the curtain, I turned away from the bittersweet reunion     because it just made what was about to happen that much more inevitable.

I went out of my office and dutifully met Robert Francis, Kate’s namesake. He shook my hand and gave me a polite nod. His lack of enthusiasm over meeting a Carolina Cold Fury hockey player, especially when I know he’s a huge fan, let me know right then and there that Kate had told him something about what happened between us. The fact that he didn’t punch me told me she didn’t say much to him, just enough to muddy his opinion of me.

It was with utter helplessness that I stood on my front porch and watched her father carry her suitcase and the two boxes she had out to the truck, while Kate squatted down in front of Ben and talked to him quietly.

Robert started the truck and waited for Kate to make her goodbyes. She grabbed ahold of Ben and pulled him into a tight hug. When she released him, she surreptitiously wiped the tears from her eyes, stepped up to me, and from her tiptoes kissed me on my cheek. It took all of my willpower not to grab her and drag her back into the house with me. Tie her up to my bed and tell her tough shit, she was staying.