ZAK SEAL Team Seven(47)
How can I get Zakira off the tit without harming her? Okay Zak you’ve lost your mind now. I had to bring myself back from my thoughts because that was fucked even for me. I wasn’t as angry anymore, not like I had been yesterday and that was strange. I thought for sure I’d stay mad at her ass for a lifetime, but Ty was right, and so were the others. She’d given me a kid, she could’ve done so much differently, and one of the things she could’ve done different was not have my kid.
She’d had her when she wasn’t sure that she’d ever see me again. She’d given up a career, one that I knew she felt strongly about, so she could have my kid. Even after giving birth she could’ve signed up again, women do it all the time. But she’d chosen to stay home and raise my child. I didn’t even know what she was doing for a living but that was easily rectified. I had the means at my fingertips to find out all I needed to know about her.
**
Two hours later I sat in stunned silence. “What the fuck have you done Zak?” I flew out of the chair and left the mansion. I fled past my brothers who were on their way back. “Where’s the fire dude?” I ignored Dev as I heard Lo telling them to stand down. No doubt the rest of them thought I was going to do her bodily harm.
I hit the door running and didn’t even stop to check on the baby but went straight to her. She was asleep again, no doubt tired from my overuse of her body. I felt like scum, like the lowest form of life. I untied her arms gently and tried to work some life back into them by massaging them. “Zak?” Her voice was a drowsy whisper that tore at my heart. What have I don’t to you baby?
I finished untying her as she came fully awake. I knew from the look of fear in her eyes that she thought I was sending her away. “No Zak…”
“Shh.” I pulled her into my arms with my heart racing out of my chest. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry why didn’t you tell me?” She was a little confused at first until I explained. “You almost died, why the fuck didn’t you tell me that shit?”
“I don’t understand how do you know about that?”
“Does it matter? You were in an enemy camp for three months and you don’t say shit about that to me why?”
“I didn’t want you to blame yourself.” Her words cut into me like sharp knives, making me feel worse.
“You didn’t…are you fucking insane?” For the second time that day I found myself yelling at someone I loved without meaning to. “You let me do this shit to you after what you’d been through?” I felt the bile rise in my throat, I must’ve given her fucking nightmares and she never said a fucking word because she didn’t want to make me feel bad.
“The report said you weren’t hurt, tell me the truth, did he touch you?” I would tear the fucking Middle East to shreds to find the fuck if he had. As it stands, there’s nothing that can prevent me going after the bastard and cutting his heart out.
“No. He wanted to I think, but when he discovered I was pregnant he was pissed. The girl that was watching over me, her English wasn’t that good, but I gathered that his plan was to get word back to you that he’d raped me and gotten me with child. After he found out I was already pregnant the plan changed. He was going to kill me and the baby and send that news to you instead.”
My body went cold with self-hate. What kind of animal was I? How could I have done such a thing? I let her go and slid off the bed. “I’ll let you go as soon as it’s safe for you and the baby to leave. Please if it’s possible forgive me. All I ask is that you tell her about me.” I turned to leave the room my heart at my fucking feet. If I could kick my ass I would do it in a heartbeat. I’ve never despised anyone as much as I did myself in that moment.
I stopped short when I felt her little arms come around my waist. “Please don’t make me leave Zak, we belong here with you.”
“How can you say that after what the fuck I did? You should hate my guts, how can you not? I do.” I needed to get away from her, needed to go somewhere and lick my wounds. She was offering me paradise but I didn’t deserve it. I’d taken something so beautiful so precious and destroyed it, and after all she’d endured.
“I don’t want you to stay here, you deserve a lot better than me.” I tried pulling away from her but she held on tight. I closed my eyes in despair at all that I was going to lose once again, and all because of my own doing. As long as I live I’ll never forget what I’d done to her. “Don’t make me have your baby on my own again Zak, it was so hard last time. Besides, you don’t want some other man raising your kids do you?”