You're the One That I Want(102)

You will always be in my heart and I know I’ll love you forever.





Yours, Maddy





xoxox





Maddy





Twenty-six years old …




That was it.

There was no going back.

A surge of happiness bolted through me as I spotted him, staring back at me from the altar, looking simply divine. My wonderful man, Robert Miles – strong, reliable and loving. My best friend. I pursed my lips as my cheeks rose and tears sprang to my eyes at the very sight of him, looking more handsome than ever in his grey suit. His tall muscular frame visibly relaxed as his dazzling green eyes found mine, his luscious lips breaking into a smile that I couldn’t help but respond to.

And then I stole a glance to the right of Robert, to see my other love, Ben Gilbert – kind, generous and able to make my heart melt with just one look. But he wasn’t looking back at me. Instead, he had his head bowed and was concentrating on the floor in front of him; all I could see was the back of his waxed brown hair – the smooth olive skin of his face and his chocolate-dipped eyes were turned away.

His hesitance to look up struck a chord within me, momentarily making me wobble on my decision.

Suddenly, something within me urged him to look at me. Part of me wanted him to stop the wedding, to show me exactly how much he cared. Wanted him to stop me from making a terrible mistake … but is that what I thought I was actually making? A terrible mistake?

I loved Robert, but I loved Ben too. Both men had known me for seventeen years – each of them had seen me at my worst, picked me up when I’d been caught in despair, been my shoulders to cry on when I’d needed to sob. They were my rocks. Plural. Not singular.

Yes, I’d made my decision. I’d accepted Robert’s proposal, I’d worn the big white dress and walked up the aisle – however, if Ben had spoken up, if he’d even coughed suggestively, then there’s a possibility I’d have stopped the wedding.

Even at that point.

But, as the service got underway, as the congregation was asked for any reasons why we should not have been joined in matrimony without a peep from Ben, it started to sink in that he was not about to start fighting.

He was letting me go …

I did not stop the service.

I did not run off like the girls in films or books who decide at the last minute that their wavering hearts need to be with ‘the other guy’, who had been patiently waiting in the wings since forever. I did not have a moment of realization and ‘put things right’.

There was nothing dramatic, no big outing of my scandal. Nothing. Just me, standing in front of Robert, telling him that he had my heart, that I would love, honour and obey him for the rest of my life. I declared my vows with love and determination, strength and clarity. Looking into Robert’s eyes and remembering everything we’d been through, how he had been there for me, stood by me, fought for me. All the while telling myself that I was doing the right thing. I was making the right choice – because there was no other choice.

Never before has the term ‘bitter sweet’ been truer. I was marrying my best friend, the guy who made me laugh more than anything in the world, the one who I knew would do anything for me, but I was also saying goodbye to the possibility of the alternative love story – the one I had never and, from that point, would never, allow to have a proper chance.

My love story had been chosen. It might not have been the one others might have picked, but it was the one I was more than happy to live with.

Once the ceremony was complete and the register signed, we wandered hand in hand back through our gathered family and friends, smiling as they all cheered in delight, welcoming the newly formed Mr and Mrs Miles into the world.

That evening, during an unexpected break before dinner and the speeches, I stood outside, catching some fresh air in a trance-like daydream. I looked out at the candles that were beautifully placed on the vast green that was encased by towering trees, the sort the three of us had spent our carefree childhood climbing.

What a day it’s been, I thought to myself with a sigh.

I’d been there for a few minutes when I heard footsteps coming towards me. My breath caught in my throat as I took a quick glance and realized who was walking in my direction.

Ben.

‘You okay?’ he asked, his voice low and quiet.

I nodded in reply and turned back to the view.

He stood next to me.

Side by side we watched the candles’ flames dance and flicker, matching the twinkling of the starry sky above.

Without saying anything more, he took my hand in his and I instantly knew what was coming – those infamous three little squeezes, those longed-for three little unvoiced words, in the way he’d told me since he was just eleven years old.