You Don't Own Me(96)

He looks at them curiously, bending his head to lick them.

The gesture is so innocent, so without guile that it makes me feel unreal. At that surreal moment I believe myself to be merely a reflection on a shiny surface or part of a dream. It is in the play of light from the flames in the fireplace on his face that pulls me back. I see him for what he really is. A totally misunderstood, half-man, half-beast, hiding a suffering heart. And I feel as protective over him as a mother bear of her cubs. I could never let anyone hurt him. And I know, in this moment, that I must never, never bring harm to him. I must guard him from the wrath of my family.

I touch his scar and he flinches.

‘What happened?’

‘Someone bit me,’ he says quietly, but I know it was not just anyone. The scar is still alive in his mind. And sometimes when I look at him, it even seems so to me.

‘A scar is a special thing. It means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.’

His eyes widen. He stares at me in wonder.

‘What?’

He shakes his head. ‘You’re just different than what I thought you would be.’

I smile. ‘What did you think I’d be?’

He shakes his head again and looks away. ‘Not like this.’ He sits up. ‘Are you hungry?’

‘Starving actually.’

‘Come on. I’ll feed you and then take you home.’

We dress quickly as if we are leaving the scene of a crime. I have a great desire to stroke his cheek and make it better. But what am I making better? We have nothing but sex between us. There can be nothing between us, but secret passion. He looks at me, his stance, waiting, watching, patient.

I tie my skirt over my shirt, shrug on my jacket, and slip into my shoes. ‘Ready,’ I declare.



He takes me to a Chinese restaurant, one of these places that stays open all night. He orders what seems to be the entire menu.

‘Are you really going to eat all that?’

‘I burned a lot of calories tonight,’ he says with a grin.

The food starts arriving almost immediately. He has ordered all kinds of food, but I feel full after a helping of Kung Po chicken and ginger prawns on half a bowl of rice. It is actually too late to eat.

Feeling lethargic and satiated and happy, I lean my chin on my hand and watch with sleepy detachment as he goes through the pile of food. In the car, I yawn and lean my head back against the head rest. He turns towards me.

‘Meet me for dinner tomorrow?’

‘I can’t. I have to be in bed early. I have a job interview on Wednesday.’

‘I’ll call you and we’ll meet for lunch instead,’ he suggests.

The feeling of contentment disappears. ‘Let me call you,’ I say quickly.

‘Why?’

I bite my lip. ‘Jake doesn’t approve of me dating you.’

He leans away from me, his eyes grim. ‘I’m not going to sneak around behind anyone’s back.’

I feel the happiness ebbing away. ‘I was using the word approve euphemistically. He promised all-out war.’

He runs his hand through his hair. ‘Let me talk to him.’

‘No, don’t. Please. Don’t. It’s better if you don’t.’

‘I’m not afraid of Jake, Layla. I’ll fight anybody for what’s mine.’

I stare at him in shock as a flare of pure joy zings through my body. ‘I’m yours?’

‘Yeah, you’re fucking mine. And I don’t take kindly to anyone standing between me and my woman.’

‘He thinks you’re a drug dealer and he wants better for me.’

‘Too fucking bad. I don’t tell him how to live his life. If I want you, I’ll fucking have you.’

‘Maybe if you weren’t dealing in drugs, Jake wouldn’t be so against our relationship?’

He looks at me. ‘I do what I do because this is what I am. This is what I know and this is what I am good at. I won’t change for Jake.’

I sigh. ‘But what you’re doing is dangerous. It’s only a matter of time before you end up behind bars.

He shakes his head. ‘You have to trust me. I deal only in class 3 grass where the sentence is light and I have set it up in such a way that it never passes through my hands.’

I feel suddenly heavy hearted and tearful. Jake is right. What future is there for me with someone like him? He won’t change.

I drop my face. ‘Anyway, what we have might burn out quickly and we would have upset everyone for nothing.’

He grabs my chin. ‘You don’t get it. I don’t give a shit about upsetting everyone else. You’re mine and the sooner everyone knows it the better.’

‘Don’t push me, BJ. I love my family and I don’t want to hurt them. I’ll tell Jake when the time is right. You have to trust me that I know my brother better than you.’