You Don't Own Me(130)

I lose it then. She mistakes my expression of blind rage for fear. ‘Don’t worry, darling. There’ll probably be many more such days.’

‘What the fuck is the matter with you?’ I roar. ‘How can you do this to yourself?’

Taken aback by my fury, she tries to fluff over the utter madness of what she is doing. ‘Darling,’ she says. ‘I’m all right. Really. I’m only lying in bed to ease the stress on my cervix.’

‘Of course you are. Obviously, you don’t want to go to the hospital and get a real doctor’s opinion.’

She shifts. ‘No, I don’t.’

‘That’s just great,’ I throw at her. In complete despair, I leave the house. I hear her call out to me, but what’s the fucking point? She’s just going to explode my head with more nonsense.

I get into the car, start the engine, and drive blindly. In the end, I find myself driving to one of Dominic’s clubs. The valet jumps into my car and radios the staff in the reception. They wave me through. At reception there are more wide smiles, and of course, there is no entrance fee for me to pay. A pretty girl lifts the curtain and I enter Heat Exchange. The housemother comes towards me with a large smile.

‘We haven’t seen you for a while,’ she says softly. ‘We’ve had a really nice blonde girl join us. Anastasia is Russian. Beautiful body.’

I nod and she leads me towards a booth. It is early and there is hardly anybody in it. A girl is on stage gyrating. She has long dark hair. Something about her reminds me of Layla. I quickly look away.

I sit in the booth. A waitress comes. ‘The usual?’ she asks.

‘No. Get me a bottle of rum.’

‘Of course.’

A blonde girl, obviously Anastasia, sashays towards me. She is bite-your-arm-off beautiful and there is only one way to describe her body. Roger Rabbit’s girlfriend’s statuesque. She stops in front me and strikes a pose to show her body to its full advantage.

‘Hey, big boy,’ she says throatily.

‘Hello.’

‘You want a dance?’

‘Sure,’ I say and put a twenty pound note on the table and push it a few inches away from me.

She smiles, takes it, and pushes it into her garter. And then she starts dancing. At first keeping her distance and then getting closer and closer until her breasts are either a hair’s breath away from me or accidentally brushing me. She times her five minutes with precision.

‘Do you want to buy me a drink?’

‘Why not?’ I signal for the waitress.

‘A glass of champagne,’ she tells the waitress and turns her glance back to me.

‘So, you have a clubs of your own?’

I nod.

‘If I need a job, I can come to you?’

‘No. I don’t deal with that side of the business.’

‘Of course. You are too busy.’

I find I can’t be bothered to talk. I let my eyes travel down her body. She gets it straight away. ‘You want to go to the VIP room?’ she asks.

‘Sure,’ I tell her. We walk to the VIP room together, Roger Rabbit’s girlfriend and me, but inside I am dying.



Layla

I dream that I am bleeding, that blood is gushing out of me. I try to staunch the flow with my hand and it oozes between my fingers. I feel myself become lighter and lighter and I float out of my body. I look down at myself, a corpse. I want to reach out and touch my own body. In my dream I think, this is what I will look like when I die. Then I wake up. I look at the alarm clock. It is almost midnight and BJ is not home. I call his phone, but it is switched off. I leave a message and call his manager. He has not been there all night. I try all the other places he could be. No luck. So I call Jake.

‘Am I disturbing you?’ I ask softly.

‘No. What is it?’ There is a wire of panic in his voice. In the background I can hear music.

‘I can’t find BJ. Is he there?’

I hear the relief in his voice. ‘He’s not here.’

‘I’m worried about him. We … we argued. He stormed out.’

There is a moment of silence. Then Jake’s voice comes on. It is calm and business like. ‘I take it you’ve already tried all his restaurants and clubs.’

‘Yes,’ I reply holding the phone with both my hands.

‘I think I know where he is. Don’t worry. It’ll be all right. I’ll call you a bit later. Get some rest, OK?’



Jake Eden

I end the call and look at my phone.

‘What’s wrong?’ Lily asks worriedly.

I turn towards her voice gratefully. God, I cannot imagine what it must be like for BJ. If it was Lily I’d have to … I walk up to her and kiss her. ‘That was Layla. BJ is MIA and she’s worried, but I think I know where he is. I don’t know how long this will take so don’t wait up for me, OK?