Wyatt-1(Lane Brothers, Book 1)(42)

Damn.

“Ellie.”

“No! I just spent an hour with Jude telling me about the first time you saw me and failed epically to introduce yourself, thereby wasting years of our lives when we could have met and been together all this time. Now I walk in to hear you saying that Bolton isn’t dead? What the hell is going on, Wyatt?!” she screams, taking a step back when I instinctively move to pull her into my arms and comfort her.

A lot of her reaction is anger, I know it is, but she’s still trembling so violently that she’s forced to fall into a chair lest her knees buckle. I hate that she’s afraid, and hate even more that I’m to blame for most of it.

“El, I…just….I couldn’t kill him, okay! I wanted to. I tried to do it and avenge you, but…I’m too weak, Ellie. I couldn’t do it. Forgive me.”

The shame I feel is enough to have me hating myself all over again, because it’s yet another example of my failure. Any man worth his salt would have beat the fucker to death with his bare hands, and I’ve had to stop Jace from flying to France and doing just that.

But for some reason, and as much as I want Bolton to suffer, I find myself unable to kill him or sanction his death.

“What? You think I wanted you to kill him?” she breathes in horror, shrinking back into the sofa cushions and looking at me as if I’ve lost my marbles. “We’re not animals, Wyatt, and I would never agree with you doing something that unforgivable.”

“But, baby, he hurt you and it was all my fault and I—it was my job to make him pay for it. I just—”

She’s up and slapping me in the next instant, her little palm connecting so hard, I see stars as she stands glaring at me, her breath coming in angry puffs and snarls.

“Don’t you ever say that to me again, Wyatt Lane! You are not to blame for a minute of Bolton Conrad’s actions and you know it! Stop feeling sorry for yourself and man up already.”

“But he wouldn’t have gone for you if not for me.”

What’s wrong with her? Why can’t she see that this is my fault?

“And the sky wouldn’t be blue but for whatever the hell it is that makes it blue! Come on, Wyatt, think logically for a minute instead of always being so hard on yourself, you idiot. Yeah, maybe he did what he did because of you, but I’d met Bolton before that, and he wasn’t exactly disinterested in me, if you know what I mean.

“He could have decided even then to do what he did, who’s to say? The truth is that we’ll never know unless he confesses it all, and from the way he was snapping even then, I wouldn’t be surprised if he wasn’t nuttier than hell already. He did what he did because he was a bad person, and that’s the long and short of it, so stop blaming yourself and get over it already. I have.”

I’m shocked and feeling so unsure of everything that it takes me a while to realize that my girl isn’t upset about what I’ve done, but rather that I didn’t tell her and that I’m harboring guilt over it all.

Could she be more perfect?

“Baby, I…I don’t know what to say,” I finally choke out.

“Tell me what’s going on, Wyatt,” she pleads, walking back to the sofa and sitting with a determined glare. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this before?”

“I was afraid you would leave me. I thought—”

“You thought I’d blame you. Yeah, I already got that, and I don’t, so let’s move on. I’m glad you didn’t kill your own cousin. That’s not something I would have agreed with, and you wouldn’t be the man I love if you were capable of doing something like that.”

“Did you just say you love me?”

Her face goes hard and she scowls.

“Yes, I did, and so what? I’m not talking about that right now. I want to know what you did with him, and then I want to know why you’re so tense. Start talking.”

“But El—”

“Do not start on that right now, Wyatt Lane. You’re lucky I haven’t slapped you senseless yet, and at this rate, you’ll be lucky to live another day. I warned you before, I need to know what’s going on. It’s the only way I feel in control of my life and you know it.”

“I shoved him in a prison in the French countryside and left him there to go nuts. And I’m not sorry. I may be too sissy to kill the man, but he deserved to suffer for what he did and what he would have done.”

“Okay. That I can accept, but only because I fully believe he would have killed me eventually and probably gone on to hurt someone else. What I want to know about is what I heard before. There were letters and packages?”