Wyatt-1(Lane Brothers, Book 1)(36)

Shit.

I will never forgive myself for any of it. The worst part? I didn’t even get to play the hero and save Ellie, because she ran and got out of there, herself.

Whatever fear she had was overcome by…I don’t know what, maybe her need for survival or the innate knowledge that Bolton was going to escalate soon.

Whatever the reason, she saved herself. All I have to offer her now is me, and the way I see it, if she accepts, she’ll be getting the short end of the stick in the bargain.

“Son. Ellie is strong and more than well rounded enough to be just fine. It’s you who’s sabotaging things, holding out till the other shoe drops. Rip the bandage off and check to see if it’s healed, because staring at the bandage, wondering what’s going on underneath, isn’t getting you anywhere. As for Lynn…she has a right to meet Ellie and get to know her and maybe one day come to terms with what her son was capable of.”

No, she doesn’t! Is it harsh that I blame her a little for all of it? Yes, I know it is, because if she finds out that the perfect woman I love so much is the same one Bolton hurt, she’d probably cry.

But he was her son, a product of her failures as a parent, and I can’t help thinking that if she’d seen him for what he was and done something about his hatred, none of it would have happened.

“I don’t want Ellie to know yet and that’s final.”

“Jesus, you’re a stubborn asshole, just like those brothers of yours. Fine, I’ll call Lynn and make an excuse, but you sort this out soon or I will, Wyatt.”

Pop is one of those men who takes the care of his females very seriously. Ma has joked more than once that she is beyond grateful she didn’t have a daughter for Pop to drive crazy with his coddling and overly protective ways.

Poor Ellie is the first, and my pop seems to be obsessed with ensuring her care and happiness. Including giving Ellie everything she needs, like knowing the whole story.

“Soon. I promise.”

“Good, because I won’t let my sister suffer for any of this, not after what we did with her son.”

He says this after four years of everyone dancing around the subject. He’s never agreed with my methods, not once.

Bolton had to pay for what he did and I made him. If Pop is upset because Aunt Lynn still doesn’t know the whole story, that’s his problem.

I’ve lived with it just fine for years, and I plan to live with it for the rest of my life.

“It’s done. He didn’t deserve better and you Goddamn know it, Pop. Now I’m leaving before you and I get into another argument about something I can’t change,” I say, rising to leave the study and Pop’s accusing stares.

“You can, Wyatt, you just won’t. Sometimes I swear it would have been better if he’d hurt you instead of Ellie, because it would have been easier for you to get over. You’ve let this mess control you for too long, kid.”

And I will continue on this way till I have what I want and my woman is safe from the jackals. Thank God my brothers have always had my back, because Ma and Pop have never agreed with what I did to Bolton.

“Would you feel any different if it happened to Ma?” I ask shortly, pausing at the door and turning to him.

That gives him pause and I see his eyes go black before he takes a breath and looks up at me.

“I don’t know, son, I just don’t know. Bolton was my nephew and a part of this family, too. I loved him despite all of his faults and would only want the best for the boy. What you did wasn’t meant to change anything, it was for revenge and you know it. I hate that you’ve become this vengeful person when you never were before. I want my kid back, Wyatt.”

I don’t answer, just turn and leave the way I came, because what can I say? I won’t ever be that carefree, fun-loving man ever again and he knows it. Gone are the days that I’d spend time just enjoying life and searching for the next adventure.

I never want to disappoint my family the way I did before. If that means living with the guilt of my actions against my own cousin, so be it.

“Psst, yo, bro, get your ass over here before Ma or Ellie see you.”

My eyes meet Miah’s where he’s peeping around the wall above the stairs and I grin, taking the stairs two at a time to reach him.

“What’s up?”

“They’re looking for a guinea pig for the baking they’re doing.”

“And you’re cowering upstairs?”

“They found this cookbook for sugar-free treats and that shit is just nasty. Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about the call I just got from Roman, and if they get their hooks into us, we’ll be busy eating tasteless shit the rest of the day. Come with me.”