Written in the Scars(75)
“Life makes no sense to me.”
“Life doesn’t make sense to any of us, Cord.”
“No, I mean it really doesn’t make sense to me. Nothing I’ve ever done seems like the right thing. I’ve never felt like I fit in, except with you guys. I’ve never felt a connection with a girl that’s deeper than a fuck. No job or place feels like that’s what I should do. Does that make sense?”
Sighing, I reach my other hand across the table and place it over his. “Look, maybe you just haven’t found your path yet. But you have time to figure out what you were put on this Earth to do and who you’re supposed to love. You’ll get it.”
He narrows his eyes, a smirk on his lips. “Ya think?”
“I know,” I say, squeezing his hands before sitting back in my chair.
He studies me for a long minute, then two, before leaning against the table. The light hanging above us shines on his face and catches on the watch on his wrist.
“What else do you know?” he asks, raising his brow.
“As in?”
“Don’t use your teacher voice with me,” he laughs.
“Well, it’s what I use when I’m not understanding what you mean,” I giggle.
“As in, do you have any secrets or news you’d like to share with the class?”
Laughing, I yawn yet again. “No. Not that I know of. Why? Do you know something I should know?”
He peers at me through his long lashes. “Excuse me for asking, but since you’re so in my business, I’ll jump into yours. Are you pregnant?”
“What?” I gasp, sitting up straight. “No. Of course not. Why would you ask me that?”
“You’ve yawned all night.”
“I’m tired! I can’t sleep when Ty’s at work.”
“Your face is flushed.”
“It’s hot as hell in here.”
“And,” he says, “you didn’t touch your dinner tonight.”
“Because the hamburger was pink and I can’t eat it when it’s mooing at me,” I say with a huff, as I rise from the table.
I start to say something else. That I’d rather not discuss the topic of pregnancy with him. It dredges up things I’d rather not think about. But the more I think about it, the more a little bubble of uncertainty sits in the middle of my stomach.
I race through a calendar in my head, trying to figure out when to expect my period. It’s never exactly on time and with the stress of everything, I haven’t paid a lot of attention.
My heartbeat starts to quicken and I feel my cheeks heat further.
Cord’s chair pushes out, the legs dragging against the floor. I look up at him and he smiles.
“Cord . . .” My mouth goes dry before I can say anything else.
“Reading people is a remnant of being a foster kid. You learn to read people, notice little things because if you don’t, you’ll get your ass kicked,” he shrugs. “If you are, congratulations. And if you’re not . . . it will happen,” he says, tossing the hood of his jacket over his head. “Now I’m going to go show those boys how to work on a truck.”
He winks and heads out the front door, leaving me in the kitchen with my jaw hanging wide open.
ELIN
“What?” I look up as Lindsay rounds the corner. Her hand still holds her phone, as her face mars with confusion. “What?” she asks again.
I laugh, a sound of disbelief married with anxiety. “I’m not sure.”
“Dude, you’re scaring me,” she says, coming towards me. “What’s the matter, Elin?”
My hand trembles as I raise it from my side. The bangle bracelets on my wrist rustle prettily together. As if on auto-pilot, it heads to my stomach but I stop it, hesitate, before it lands. With a deep breath, I watch my palm meet my stomach.
My eyes fly to hers. “Linds?”
“Yeah?”
“Um, I don’t know if this is even possible. I mean it’s possible, technically,” I say hurriedly, the brownie I ate starting to creep up my throat, “but I’m not sure . . .”
“Elin?” She closes the distance between us, her eyes drifting to my hand on my stomach.
I giggle nervously. “I’m probably not,” I say. “I mean, I never thought about it. But maybe?”
“Oh my God,” she breathes, her eyes flying wide. “Seriously? You think so?”
“I don’t know. I don’t even know if I want to know.”
“Of course you do!” she says, dragging me down the hall. “I mean, I do, so you do. Oh my God! This would be the best thing ever!”
My heart squeezes, nearly cutting off my oxygen. Knowing that it would be the best thing ever for the both of us to have babies with the men we love, but also knowing that if things had worked out, we already would be on that path, makes a hot set of tears sting my eyes.