Worth It All(88)

She still hadn’t told Casey yet there was even the possibility that they would make this situation long-term. But it made sense. Hannah paid more than she’d ever dreamed of making without a degree. She’d keep the same schedule Hannah kept, and as Hannah made her own hours, that meant working around her son’s schedule. Which would be the same as Casey’s once school started. Another thing Hannah had offered, assured her of, was that Casey could go to the same Catholic school as Jake’s nieces and nephews. There were at least four McKinney relatives working as teachers there, so they had the inside info.

But even with everything so perfect, without Jake it wasn’t perfect at all, and she didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know what Jake wanted her to do. He’d said goodbye to her at the airport seven days ago with a kiss and a smile. Did he want her to come back? The thought of being away from him indefinitely made her stomach hurt.

She gave the horse one last pat, then moved to the tack room, breathing in the scent of leather and horse blankets as she hung up the halter. She looked around for anything else she could do. Finding everything in its place, she walked outside and around to the right paddock.

Paige watched the solid black foal wobble around his mother on gangly legs. Born just five days ago, Casey was convinced the horse had been born just for her.

Minutes later, Hannah finished in the office and joined her at the railing. “Beautiful, isn’t she?”

“Yes.” It was all beautiful. Her eyes traced the edge where the dry grass met the late-afternoon sky. If Freedom Farm wasn’t heaven, it had to be pretty damn close. “I guess you’ll be next.”

“Thank goodness.” Hannah rubbed her protruding belly and smiled. “I love being pregnant, but I’m ready to be more mobile. I miss riding.”

Paige smiled. On top of the work and the benefits to Casey, she’d already come to love Hannah. A gentle soul, but also strong, as her horrific past attested to. And she was funny. They had lunch together every day at the barn, usually delivered by her ever-attentive husband, and they laughed like schoolgirls. Hannah loved to torment her brothers when they came out, trying to boss her around.

“I’ve never seen anyone so happy and yet so sad at the same time,” Hannah said, angling her head to study her. “Does he know how you feel about him?”

A ball of misery lodged in Paige’s throat, holding back her answer. She wanted to tell him, but there was that fear that he didn’t feel the same way. There was the fear that she loved him so much it would override everything else.

“I’m sorry I put you in this spot,” Hannah said after a moment. “I guess I thought…”

“That if I took the job, Jake would come with me?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.” Hannah smiled at her softly. “It was a gamble.”

“He couldn’t do that. He’s worked too hard to build something important there. He helps so many people.”

“You’re not going to stay, are you?”

“I don’t know.” She gazed at the stand of trees so far across the field they looked like toothpicks. “I promised myself and my newborn baby that I would make a plan for us, for our life, and I would stick to it. That every one of my decisions would be for her.

“For a second I forgot that. It was Jake who reminded me. He told me I should come.” Because he understands me. Because he knows what I want and need. Because he loves me? If she’d told him she loved him, would that have made a difference?

“Sometimes men have a funny way of thinking they’re doing the right thing even when they’re stupid. Especially McKinney men.”

Paige couldn’t imagine any of the deeply devoted men she’d met acting stupid where their wives were concerned.

“Stephen had some warped idea that he wasn’t good enough for me, even that he was bad for me. If you can believe that.” She glanced back at her husband walking toward them with his son on his shoulders, the boy’s hands in his. “Selfishly, I want you here, Paige. You’re good at it, and it’s important to do something you love. But people are important too. Love is important.”

Paige attempted to smile, and Hannah wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “I know it’ll all work out. Don’t forget about Joe’s birthday dinner tonight. Marge wants you and Casey there.”

Paige sniffed and wiped at her eyes before Stephen and Mitchell got close. The McKinneys had taken her in; Marge especially had embraced her and embraced Casey like she was one of her grandchildren. “I wouldn’t miss it.”