With This Heart(103)

“             That’d actually be great. I feel like I might chicken out.” I stood and took a deep breath, wondering what else I would need. I caught my reflection in the mirror. My jade green eyes popped against my fair skin. My strawberry blonde hair framed my face in natural waves. No makeup, just me. The me that Beck hopefully still loved.

“             You look great,” Sammy offered, tugging her purse over her shoulder. I met her gaze in the mirror and gave her a silly smile before we locked up and headed toward the statue.





CHAPTER THIRTY


Love will make you reckless. It can drag out parts of you that common sense and fear usually keep hidden away. Because love is selfless and selfish. Heading toward that statue proved just how selfless I was going to have to be if I wanted to win Beck back. When I walked onto the MIT campus and stumbled upon a sight that made my heart stop, I didn’t turn around even though my feet didn’t want to keep carrying me forward. I had to be brave for Beck.

I kept pushing past people, contemplating the fact that there was a crowd waiting around the statue that could have rivaled the attendance of a rock concert. Everyone was milling about, holding my flyers and talking animatedly. The closer I attempted to get to the statue, the more condensed the crowd became.

Sammy’s wide eyes confirmed my fears. My heart hammered against my chest, deafening the sounds of the crowd. Whatever was about to happen wouldn’t be private. There were cell phones, cameras, and one thousand memories that would forever capture my inevitable heartache.

“             Are all these people here because of the letter you put up yesterday?” Sammy asked, clutching onto my elbow so we wouldn’t get pulled apart in the crowd.

“             I have no clue,” I answered in a daze. But the closer to the statue we pushed, the more I realized that whatever bravery I thought I needed would have to be doubled.

“             I’m not sure I can do this.” I shook out my hands, feeling a panic starting to rise. I didn’t think people would care. I was scared no one would even read the letter. But this? The fact that so many people were curious about the outcome made my stomach twist into a tight pretzel.

“             Abby,” Sammy looked down at her watch. “You’ve still got fifteen minutes. Let’s just walk closer to the statue and you can decide when we get up there.” Her suggestion seemed reasonable enough. No one knew I was the girl from the flyer yet, they just thought we wanted front row seats. We kept pushing, getting some angry stares from people who’d clearly been waiting for quite some time. I didn’t know what to say. I tried to hide my blushing cheeks and keep my head down until we finally pushed our way through to the other side.

The statue was an island stuck smack-dab in the center of no man’s land. No one wanted to get too close. I peered toward Sammy wearily, but her eyes were wide and she kept shaking her head in disbelief. I wondered if she thought her first day at college would be quite so interesting.

Why had all these people come? Maybe since classes hadn’t started yet, no one had anything better to do? I should have planned better. Maybe my mom was right about calling him instead. I pulled my phone out of my purse and looked down to see a blank screen. If he’d seen the flyer, would he have called me already?

“             Abby, you only have five minutes now, do you think you should…?” Her eyes darted from me to the statue, then back again. She couldn’t finish the sentence because she knew how insane it was.

I pocketed my phone and puffed out a breath. My hands felt clammy. Sammy nudged my arm and I realized I was still standing there, not deciding what to do. I either had to move forward, or leave and try something else.

I didn’t think I’d be able to do it.

But then I locked eyes with the distinguished professor from the day before, the one who could have turned me into the authorities. He was across the circle, watching me with a half smile and I couldn’t help but gape. It may seem strange considering I barely knew him, and I hardly knew Sammy, but having them both there made me feel like I wasn’t so alone. Maybe they’d have my back if people started throwing rotten tomatoes or something at me.

You know that feeling when you’re about to jump into a cold pool? You realize that it will be freezing and that you just have to hold your breath and get it over with. There’s a moment when you’re on the ledge and your heart leaps in your chest and then before you realize it, you’re bending your knees and jumping whether you consciously decided to or not? That’s what happened when I took my first step into the circle. It was a baby step, but my body took it as an approval on my part, and before I knew it, I was halfway to the statue. My body was proceeding as planned and my brain was screaming for me to retreat, to get out while I still could.