When We Found Home(66)
She dressed but didn’t bother drying her hair. After telling herself she was doing the right thing, she went down the hall to Malcolm’s room and knocked on the half-open door.
“Come in.”
She stepped into her brother’s study and found him reading on the sofa by his desk. He’d already changed from a suit to jeans. He looked up and smiled at her.
“Hey. What’s up?”
She carefully closed the door behind her and walked toward him. “I have to tell you something and I don’t want you to interrupt me until I’m done.”
His welcoming expression shifted to worry. “All right,” he said slowly. “What is it?”
She told him everything, explaining what she’d noticed missing that morning and how Paulo had found her.
“I swear, I never stole anything,” she added quickly, forcing herself to keep looking at him when all she wanted to do was run away. “I wouldn’t. You have to believe me. But it’s Paulo and I didn’t know what else to do. I can’t tell Santiago. If he believes me, then I’ve hurt him and his family and if he doesn’t believe me, then he’s hurt me.”
Malcolm stood and put his hands on her shoulders. “It’s okay. You can stop explaining, Callie. I know you didn’t do anything wrong.”
“You do?”
“Sure. Maybe I didn’t trust you when you first arrived, but I do now. You could have taken the money and run. You could have lived off your trust fund. You could have not given a damn about anyone but yourself. But I know you now and I believe you.”
The impossibly heavy weight she’d been carrying lifted. She drew in a full breath for the first time in hours. “Thank you. We need to come up with a plan. Or maybe you do because I’ve been so frantic, I haven’t been able to think straight. And I don’t know what to do about Santiago. He’s important to me and we’re sleeping together and—”
Malcolm groaned and moved away.
“What?” she asked.
“Please don’t tell me you’re sleeping with my best friend. I’m not surprised, but I don’t need details.”
Despite everything, she laughed. “Then I won’t share any except to say he’s really—”
“Stop!”
She held up both hands. “I’m done, I swear.”
He swore. “You can be a pain.”
“So can you.”
“We need a plan.”
“That’s what I said.”
“How do you feel about going undercover?”
chapter twenty-nine
Delaney knew that taking out her frustrations on her bedroom wall rather than a living person was probably a good idea. She just hoped she didn’t regret the outcome.
“You look unsure,” Callie told her.
“A little. I’ve never been the DIY type before, but I’m learning.”
She’d already painted her bedroom a pretty teal color. Now she was going to use two different glazes to sponge paint one of the walls. Callie had volunteered to help. They’d practiced on poster board she’d bought so their sponging techniques were similar.
Her furniture was pushed to one side and draped, she had all the supplies, and Callie was here to help. There was no reason to hesitate. She poured the glaze into two small paint trays, then handed one to Callie.
“Let’s do this.”
“I’m ready.”
Delaney pressed the sea sponge against the wall a few times, then stepped back to study the result.
“I really like this,” she admitted.
“Progress.”
Delaney went back to work. “Speaking of progress, how are things with you and Santiago?”
“They’re, ah, good.”
“You didn’t sound very sure.”
“No. It’s fine. We’re fine. He’s a great guy who treats me well and who loves his family. What’s not to like?”
Delaney glanced at her friend. “Are you all right?”
Callie nodded. “I’m fine. There’s some work drama that’s bothering me, but it’s no big deal. You get too many people in a confined space and it all goes to hell.”
“Tell me about it. You should hear some of the storeroom fights at my job.”
“When are you done with the quarter at school?”
“I take my finals next week.”
Callie turned to her. “Are you kidding? We’re painting the Saturday before finals?”
“Yes. It’s clearing my head. Besides, I’ve been studying a lot. I’ll do fine.”
She’d decided to finish her classes because it was the right thing to do, but she hadn’t sent her application to Bastyr. Her future was still uncertain, but one thing she knew for sure—she was not going to be a naturopath. A career like that required passion and she didn’t have it in her.
“What do you take next?” Callie asked as she pulled the step stool over and climbed up to reach close to the ceiling. “More math?”
“No. I’m not taking any more classes. At least not now. I’m trying to figure out what to do with my life. It feels like everything is suddenly different.”
“I know that one,” Callie said. “How is it different for you?”
“I’m so confused. I’ve been thinking about my past all the time.”
“You mean when you were little? I thought you grew up on a great street with all kinds of people who cared about you.”
“I did. I was well taken care of. But it was only my dad and me and he was gone a lot. Sometimes I felt left behind. I don’t know—I’m not making any sense. It’s just sometimes I wonder if I never got the message that it was okay to take the next step, you know? Grow up and move on. I physically left, but in so many ways I was tied to the same place.”
“Because you were engaged to Tim?”
Delaney nodded. “He kept trying to draw me back and I wanted to be free. Only not free enough to actually separate. I think I always had one foot in each camp, so to speak, and when I lost him, I think I was sort of cut adrift. I didn’t know what to do.”
Callie nodded. “You were devastated. Of course you were confused. Delaney, it’s okay not to know what to do next. Take your time before you decide to figure out what’s right for you.”
“I miss my job at Boeing.”
“Have you talked to anyone there about going back?”
“I couldn’t.”
“Why not?”
She didn’t want to admit failure. Or what if they said no? Or what if she no longer had her fast-track status?
“I’m scared.”
Callie surprised her by smiling. “We’re all scared. Some of us are just better at faking it.” She nodded toward the big closet. “If you’d truly let go of your former career, you wouldn’t have kept the clothes. They are a physical reminder of who and what you used to be. You loved what you used to do. Most people don’t ever love their job. You should embrace the blessing and do whatever it takes to feel that way again.”
“Sound advice,” Delaney murmured.
“But?”
“I think I’m afraid I’m not allowed to be happy.”
“That’s just sad.”
“I know, but what if it’s true?”
“It isn’t. The only person keeping you from being happy is yourself.”
“How can you be sure?”
Callie got off the step stool and moved to another section of wall. “Being incarcerated isn’t easy. People cope in different ways. I don’t know what it’s like for men, but the women form close bonds. Some are intimate, some aren’t. The ones who make it, the ones who figure out how to get through, have a goal—something they can look forward to. But it’s more than that. They also have an internal peace. When your joy comes from within, no one can take it from you.”
She shrugged. “I never got there. I was counting the days until my release. I was scared and depressed. There’s no way to explain what it’s like to be physically locked in a room. You can’t get out until someone lets you out. You have to find a way to cope or you go crazy.”
She took a breath and reminded herself that was behind her. She was out and she was somewhere so much better.
“I got my GED, earned a few college credits, did my job and kept my head down. But those women who surrendered to the moment, who found their own joy, I always admired them. And what they taught me was that happy comes from inside of us. Circumstances can make it more difficult but the ultimate decision is ours.”
She glanced at Delaney. “If you’re not happy, it’s all on you. If you want to find your way, be your own compass.” She smiled. “Pick your favorite cliché. They’re annoying but they’re also mostly telling the truth.”
Delaney had always assumed the power came from outside of her. At least she had lately. Not before, she thought wistfully, remembering her determination to make it through college. How she’d worked the program, saving every penny to buy the perfect interview suit. She’d known what she’d wanted and she’d gone for it. She’d been clear on her future.
Except for Tim. She’d loved him and had always only been with him. On the one hand Tim had said he would move with her, if she got a promotion that required that. On the other hand, he’d wanted her to stay home and have babies. Which meant what—that he was as complicated as everyone else?