When We Found Home(62)
“That’s a lot of energy.” Her father’s tone was mild. “How long have you been wanting to say that to someone?”
“What?”
“Delaney, you feel how you feel. I’m sorry you felt trapped with Tim. I wish you’d said something before. He loved you but he wouldn’t have wanted to marry you knowing you didn’t feel the same way. As for the neighborhood, they would have gotten over it. They would have forgiven you.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yeah, I do. I’ve known these people over thirty years. They would have figured out a way to be okay with the information.” He studied her. “The problem isn’t them, it’s you. You’re defining yourself by what you assume everyone else thinks. You say you weren’t in love with Tim anymore, but the truth is you’ve never recovered from what happened. You’ve been going through the motions of having a new life, but you’re as trapped now as you were six weeks before your wedding. You can’t decide if you’re willing to be your own person or if you’re going to live by everyone else’s rules. What do you want, Delaney? What would make you happy?”
She sank to the floor and covered her face with her hands. “I don’t know,” she admitted for the first time in nearly two years. “I really don’t know.”
* * *
Callie stared at her phone. No, she thought. Absolutely not. She wished she could throw the stupid thing across the room, but it wasn’t the phone’s fault. She read the text again.
How about a long weekend in August?
August? It was nearly June. August? Santiago intended them to wait over two more months? Was he insane?
Callie stomped her foot before grabbing her pillow and screaming into it. Stupid, stupid man. She was not waiting until August to have sex.
She looked at her bedside clock. It was just after five. Keira and Malcolm had gone out to an early dinner before Keira’s therapy session and Grandfather Alberto was playing bridge with his friends. No one was going to be upset if she had a little evening out herself.
August is an interesting idea. I have to go. Are you going to be home later?
Heading there now for a quiet evening. Text me when you can.
Promise.
She would do more than text, she thought as she crossed to her closet. She would show up in person and explain that she was done waiting. They were going to have sex and they were going to do it now. They could also do it in August and many times between now and then, but the whole “You’re so special, I have to wait” crap had gone on long enough.
She studied her still meager but growing wardrobe. She didn’t know what she was supposed to wear to seduce a man. Not a dress—that was too...something. Jeans, she thought. Tight jeans and a cute sweater.
She got out her tightest pair of skinny jeans and a pretty V-neck sweater that she usually wore over a shirt because it was cut so low. Her trip to buy a strapless bra for her fancy gala dress had also yielded other new bras and panties. She’d gone wild and had purchased a sexy black bra and matching thong for this very reason.
She showered and then dressed. She didn’t bother with makeup beyond mascara—less to smudge that way. She pulled on her faux Uggs so she could take them off easily and left a note for Keira, saying she was with Santiago and might be late, then called for a car.
She got out in front of Santiago’s condo building, walked into the entryway and pushed the button to buzz his unit, then waited.
“Yes?”
“Hi. It’s Callie. Can I come up?”
There was a moment of surprised silence followed by delighted laughter. “You’re here? How did I get so lucky? I’ll meet you at the elevator.”
The knot of nerves in her stomach lessened a little. At least he was happy she’d shown up. Now if only she could convince him to put out.
She rode the elevator to his floor. As promised, he was waiting for her in the hallway, leaning against the wall, looking all sexy and masculine. Her girl bits did a little dance while her heart seemed to get a little fluttery.
“You’re the best surprise of the day,” he said, cupping her face and kissing her. “What’s going on?”
“I wanted to talk to you.”
He followed her into his condo and shut the door. She turned to face him. He’d taken off his suit jacket and tie but was still wearing his dress shirt. She was momentarily distracted by the thought of unbuttoning said shirt, then reminded herself they weren’t at that part yet. He needed to say yes first.
“Look, we’ve been going out for a couple of months now. I like you and you seem to like me. I appreciate that you think I’m special. It’s wonderful and great and makes you even more irresistible, but you have some crazy idea about us or me or maybe yourself. I’m not sure and I no longer care.”
She moved a little closer and put her hands on his chest. “The last time I had sex was my eighteenth birthday. I am not interested in waiting until August for that to happen again. Yes, I very much want a romantic weekend away with you. I think it will be fun, but I’m wondering why you have all these rules. I’m a real person, not a fantasy, and if you can’t understand that, then we have a bigger problem here and I think we should deal with it. If you have a genuine reason, then I want to know what it is, otherwise, put up or shut up.”
She’d started out strong, but was shaking by the time she was done. What if she’d misjudged the entire situation? What if he’d been trying to tell her he wasn’t interested in her that way and she’d totally missed the point? What if this was just a game and totally broke her?
He kept his gaze on her face and didn’t speak for several very long seconds. Then he drew in a breath.
“I’m sorry. You’re right about all of it. I have this weird idea in my head—that because you’re so amazing, I have to do things differently. I want a different outcome, but I never meant to make you feel I didn’t want you or that you were just a fantasy. I just didn’t want to screw up.”
He kissed her lightly. “You on birth control?”
“The shot. I started two weeks ago. I also left a note for Keira telling her I would be home late.”
He smiled. “A lady with a plan. I like that.” The smile faded. “Tell me about before. The other guys.”
“What? Why would you want to know that?” This was not the time to grill her about her past.
He took her hand and drew her down the hall to the master bedroom. “One guy, one time is different than five guys over three years. I want to know if I’m dealing with an experienced woman who’s ready to ride me hard or a born-again virgin who needs to be wooed.”
“Oh.” She felt herself flushing. “One guy, two times. Both were pretty fast and awful.”
He released her and walked to the bed. After pulling back the comforter and sheet, he faced her.
“Born-again virgin it is.”
He removed condoms from the nightstand, then began to unbutton his shirt. Sunset was still a couple of hours away so there was plenty of light to see everything, even without him turning on a lamp.
He tossed the shirt over the back of a chair in the corner, then sat down and took off his shoes and socks. He stood and dropped his pants, leaving only his low-cut briefs in place.
His body was amazing, she thought as her breath caught in her throat. Honed muscles, broad shoulders and long legs. He worked out and it showed. He’d been an athlete and that showed even more. Her stomach clenched, her breasts began to ache and she felt a heavy kind of swelling deep inside.
She wanted him. She was totally terrified, but she wanted him.
He took her hands in his, then placed them on his bare chest. His skin was warm as she touched him.
“Here’s how it’s going to go,” he told her, putting his hands on her shoulders. “This is all about you. It’s been long enough and I’ve had enough fantasies that I just need about two minutes at the end.”
One corner of his mouth turned up. “I want to impress you with my staying power, but the first time, it’s not going to happen.” He brushed her hair back, then kissed her. “If you don’t like something I’m doing, tell me. If you want me to do something different, tell me. More, less, harder, softer. I’m really good at taking directions. Eventually I’ll know your body better than you do, but for now, I’m going to need help.”
His words made her shiver and she had no idea why. What he described made sense on an intellectual level and she knew she wanted to be with him, but she wasn’t sure what was going to happen next. Everything about this was so different than the awkward fumbling in the back of her teenage boyfriend’s car.
“Okay,” she whispered before stepping out of her boots.
He pulled her close and held her tight. Their bodies touched everywhere. The hug felt good—safe and arousing at the same time. She ran her hands up and down his back, enjoying the feel of bare skin. He had so many muscles, she thought absently, aware of his hands mimicking her own. Up and down, up and down, lingering where she lingered.
Wondering if she was imagining things, she moved lower, cupping his butt. He did the same, then squeezed the curves, causing her to arch against him. Her belly came in contact with his erection. The length and thickness stunned her. No way that was going to fit.