What's Done In the Dark(66)

I had shifted his workout clothes out of the bottom drawer into a box. I hadn’t decided what I was going to do with all his stuff. I wasn’t ready to give it away just yet, so I was placing it in the attic for storage.

“Yeah, I know. I figured, why keep putting it off?”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to help?” Felise asked. “I can come over there now. We can pack up, then, um, maybe we can sit down and, you know, just, um, talk.”

“Thank you so much, but I’m sure.” I glanced around the room. I needed to be alone. “I’m not going to let Steven’s memory die, but I have to remove this stuff so I can move on with living.”

Felise was quiet. “I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this,” she softly said.

“Yeah, I don’t understand why God does things the way he does. But I guess I have to live with it.”

“We all do,” she mumbled.

I shook off my melancholy thoughts. I was in a good place now, and I wanted to stay there. “So, what’s on tap for you today?”

“I’m about to go to work. I’m going through some stuff over here myself,” she confessed.

“I’m so sorry. I haven’t even checked to see how things are going in your life.” I didn’t want to bring up her troubles with Greg. If she wanted to talk about it, she’d bring it up.

“You don’t worry about me,” Felise said. “I’m pulling myself together. Steven’s mom called me, though. She’s worried about you.”

“I need to call her. This obsessive quest for some answers I was on had everybody concerned.”

“Have you given that up?” Felise asked.

“Yep. It’s time to let it go.” I closed up one box and pulled another up on the bed. “I prayed for a sign and I got one, and now I’m trying to achieve some closure. My kids need me to pull it together. I’ve pawned them off on family for too long. It’s time for me to get back to the mothering business.”

“I am so happy to hear that,” Felise said.

“Oh, yeah, and my new business,” I added. Just the thought warmed my insides. My business.

“What business?” Felise asked, sounding surprised.

“Event planning. Party Wright Planning,” I said. “Get the play on words? Paula Wright. Party Right.”

She laughed. “I love it. In the midst of everything, you’re branching out into your own business—that’s so awesome. I’m so proud of you. I’ll call you later.”

I said good-bye, hung up, then resumed my packing. I stopped as I caught my reflection in the mirror. I was proud of me, too. I just wished that I’d discovered this when Steven was alive. It’s like his death had given me new life. Maybe if I had . . . I caught myself. I can’t live in a world of maybes now, I thought as I returned to packing up my husband’s things.





47


Felise


I SAT ON THE SOFA as my husband stood towering over me. I felt like a child being scolded, but I knew that I deserved any wrath that I might incur.

When he’d shown up this morning, I’d been hoping he would be bringing his belongings. He’d been gone a week since my confession, and Liz was starting to get suspicious. And each day he spent away made me less confident that he was coming back.

Greg took a deep breath. “I’ve thought long and hard about this. I don’t understand how you could betray me, and betray your best friend like that. And I know you want to say that it just happened, but you carried that deception past that hotel room that night.”

I wanted to speak out in my defense. Ask him, What was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to handle this? But I didn’t know what else to say, and I knew nothing I said would be good enough. So I kept my mouth closed and prayed that my husband wasn’t about to tell me that he was leaving me—leaving our family.

He swallowed hard like he was trying to keep his composure.

“I have played every minute over and over in my head. My emotions have ranged from devastated to downright distraught. You had sex with your best friend’s husband on our anniversary. How do we heal from that? How do we move past that?”

I didn’t realize until then that tears were dripping down my cheeks. I looked up at him and said, “I don’t know, but we try. I’m willing to do whatever I have to do to get you to forgive me.”

“At first, I was blaming myself,” he continued, pacing the room, “saying that my neglect forced you into the arms of the man my child calls uncle. I kept asking myself, Where did I go wrong? How could I have kept her from cheating on me? And then over the last couple of days, the revelation came that you’re a grown woman. Yes, we might’ve had our problems, but if you were that unhappy, then you should’ve left me. You don’t seek solace in the arms of another man. You don’t go to the other side, hoping the grass is greener. You water the lawn you have!” He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. I let him say what he needed to say.