What's Done In the Dark(34)

I stood up and hugged her. “I will, and I’ll let you know if I hear anything else about Steven’s death.”

That caused her to stop in her tracks. “What else would you hear?”

It suddenly dawned on me that I hadn’t shared my concerns with her. “I meant when I get the autopsy results.”

“Autopsy? But he died of heart failure. Why are you doing an autopsy? You think it’s something else?”

“No, I just want to be sure, that’s all.”

That seemed to pacify her, and she squeezed my hand one last time. “You let me know if you need anything.”

I waved good-bye and returned to my bed. I tossed and turned, but was unable to go back to sleep.

Five endless days had passed since we put Steven in the ground. They say the pain is supposed to get easier, but it hadn’t. I didn’t know how I was going to find the strength to move on. Having a job might have helped. I needed something to take me away from sitting around here, wallowing in self-pity.

I finally gave up my quest for sleep and picked up the phone to call Felise. Maybe we could go have lunch. Her phone bounced to voice mail. I hadn’t seen her since the funeral, which was pretty frustrating. I know that she was grieving, too. I know that she was hurt by losing Steven. But we would heal better if we grieved together.

I hung up and made my way downstairs. The kids were in the kitchen, sitting quietly at the table.

“Hey,” they muttered in unison.

Every one of them looked sad.

“Do you guys want me to fix you something to eat?

“Grandma Lois cooked for us before she left,” Tahiry said.

“Tahiry’s food tastes nasty,” Mason said.

“Forget you,” Tahiry replied.

“Where’s Charlene?” I asked.

“I don’t know. She went out.”

I sighed. “Where’s Mama?”

“In her room, same place you were, in the bed,” Tahiry said. It seemed like she had an attitude.

“I’m sorry, guys. This is just hard.”

“We know,” Tahiry said.

I rubbed Marcus’s hair. “Just bear with me, okay? It’s not going to be like this forever.”

“I miss Daddy,” Mason said.

Unexpectedly, in the middle of playing his handheld video game, Stevie let out a huge sob and laid his head down on the table. He had been so strong. He’d cried silent tears at the funeral and, at one point, tried to comfort me by telling me he would now be the man of the house. I realized at that point I wasn’t the only one grieving. And if nothing else, I needed to find the strength to help my kids get through this as well.





23


Felise


I KNEW THAT PAULA NEEDED me. So I had to pull myself together so that I could be there for her. Fran was right. It would start to look suspicious if she kept turning to me and I shunned her.

“Mom, can I—?”

“What?” I snapped. “Why aren’t you in the bed?”

My daughter flinched. “I just wanted to ask you something. Never mind.”

I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

My precious daughter stared at me through innocent eyes. Even though she was thirteen, she wasn’t like a lot of her friends—she was mature for her age. With her long, naturally curly hair, underdeveloped chest, and long, athletic legs, she hadn’t come into her looks yet, and that was fine with me.

“I was just asking if I could go over to Tahiry’s house in the morning,” Liz said.

“No,” I replied. In the week since the funeral I hadn’t been back over there. Liz had been over there every day. But between trying to figure out Sabrina’s sarcastic comments and stewing in my own guilt and grief, I hadn’t been able to make the trip myself. “There’s a lot going on right now.”

“But Mom . . .”

“What did I say?” I snapped. “When I say no, I mean no!”

She took a step back as Greg eased into the room.

“Liz, sweetie, go on to bed. We’ll talk about it tomorrow,” Greg said.

“What is there to talk about? I already said no.”

He waited for Liz to disappear down the hall, then closed our bedroom door. “I understand that Steven’s death is weighing heavily on you. But taking it out on your child is not the answer.”

I rolled my eyes. With his work schedule, he was hardly the one to lecture me about our daughter. “I’m not taking anything out on anyone.”

“Yeah, you are.” Greg sat down on the edge of the bed. “I know you’re upset, but you are taking it out on us and that’s not fair. We all are sad about what happened.”

I couldn’t disagree with him about that. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m not trying to be difficult.”