What's Done In the Dark(32)

“I just got Paula to lie down for a while,” I said. “This is really hard on her.”

He pulled my chin up and looked me in the eye. “It is hard on you, too. You don’t look good.”

I snatched myself away from his grasp. I didn’t need him making me perfect today. “How am I supposed to look?”

He drew back in shock, and I sighed. I had to stop snapping at him.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m just . . .”

He put a finger to my lips. “It’s okay, honey. No apology needed.” I was grateful for the reprieve and changed the subject as soon as I could.

“Those were nice words you spoke at the service today,” I said. Putting Steven in the ground had to have been one of the most painful things I’d ever done in my life.

“I am surprised you didn’t want to say anything.”

“Nah, I think you represented well,” I replied.

Greg continued to study me. I must not have been making the right responses. “Do you need anything?” he asked. “I’m worried about you.”

The last thing I needed was him reading anything extra into my grief. “I’m fine,” I said, “really I am. But I could use some water.”

I wasn’t really thirsty. I just wanted Greg to leave me alone.

“Okay, one water coming right up,” he said, squeezing my hand before heading into the kitchen.

I watched my husband walk away so purposefully, and I wondered how we would ever fix us. Amidst my mourning I had come to realize a truth that should have been apparent to me long ago. I had put up with so much for so long because honestly, I think I lived vicariously through Paula and Steven. Even if I couldn’t be with him, I wanted to be a better wife because of him. How could I continue to do that with Steven gone?

“Very nice ceremony.”

I turned toward the voice coming from behind me.

“Oh, hey, Sabrina,” I said, leaning in to give her a hug.

Sabrina Fulton was my roommate from freshman year of college. We’d fallen out right before school ended, and then she didn’t come back sophomore year. I’d seen her several times over the years, and we were both cordial to each other. I was just glad that we’d put our petty spats behind us. “I didn’t know you knew Steven.”

She leaned back against the wall and shrugged. “I didn’t. But remember, Paula used to hang out with us when she was visiting you in college.”

I tried not to frown in confusion. I didn’t know they still talked.

“It’s so beautiful how you’re there for Paula,” Sabrina said.

“Thank you,” I replied. “Just trying to be there for my best friend.”

“Yep,” Sabrina said, taking a sip of her drink. “Good ol’ Felise. Always the good girl of the group. The one everyone wanted to be like, who could do no wrong.”

Her tone made me uncomfortable. “Ah, are you going somewhere with this?”

“Nah, I just want to compliment you.” She flashed a tight smile. “I love to see women sticking together.”

“Oh, okay.” I didn’t really care for Sabrina anymore, so I said, “Well, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go check on the kids.”

“Yeah, that’s right. You’re godmother to the oldest.”

I smiled and nodded. “Yes, Tahiry.”

“Well, you go take care of them and I’ll talk to you later.” She turned to walk off, then stopped. “Oh, yeah,” she said, turning around. “Zen told me you were at the bar the other night.”

The mention of a bar put me on my guard. “Who’s Zen?”

“The bartender,” she said, looking me directly in the eye. “You know, at my job, at the Four Seasons. I introduced you to him the last time you and some of your sorority sisters were there for happy hour a few months ago.”

My mind started churning as I recalled that day. We’d already been at the bar an hour when Sabrina started her shift. She’d made personal introductions, and Zen hooked us up with drinks the rest of the night.

I couldn’t believe I’d forgotten that. That’s why Zen had greeted me like he knew me when I first sat down at the bar. I thought he was just being friendly to get a bigger tip. Maybe if I had remembered meeting him before—shoot, if I’d remembered that Sabrina worked there—that would’ve kept me from going to Steven’s room.

Sabrina continued, “He told me that you were upset and getting pretty toasted, but luckily,” she added slowly, “you had someone to help you get over whatever was bothering you.”

I couldn’t move as she kept talking. “I hate I missed you, though,” she said. “Hate I was off that night, period. I heard there was quite a bit of action that night. There was a fight in the bar, and then of course the stuff with Steven.”