Wanting to Remember,Trying to Forget(45)

Amber stopped on the sidewalk and turned to Danny. “You don’t have to rush off, do you? I was thinking we could grab a cup of coffee.”

“Sure,” Danny replied.

“How about you, Lauren? Care to join us?”

“I actually have to get going, girls. My grandchildren are with me for the weekend and I promised my husband I would not be long.”

Lauren bid them farewell and they walked two blocks down to Amber’s favorite café. The air was refreshingly cool today as the beginning of winter approached. It was a welcomed break from the unrelenting heat they had experienced this summer.

Amber ordered a Chai Latte and Danny ordered a cappuccino at the counter before they seated themselves at a table near the window.

“God, I’ve missed you,” Amber said, tugging off her jacket. “And I’m loving the hair.”

Danny twirled her fingers in her short dark hair. She had added blonde highlights last week and she was quite happy with the new look.

“It’s very Halle Berry,” Amber said. “It suits you. Now tell me. How the hell have you been?”

“Great! Life couldn’t be more perfect.” She pulled a business card out of her purse and showed it to Amber. “I started my own company.”

Amber looked impressed as she studied the card. “Making memories,” she read aloud. “Good name.”

“Yeah. I’m doing weddings now and birthday parties so it seemed appropriate. How have you been doing?”

“Good. I’ve been working really hard and my boss decided to give me an extended vacation. This will be my first real vacation in three years so I’m spending Christmas at a ski-lodge with my parents. Maybe Santa will feel generous this year and give me a handsome skiing instructor.” She giggled as she sipped her latte. “You’re going to Montana with Max, right?”

Danny scraped the foam off the top of her cappuccino and licked it off the spoon. “Yeah. They don’t really do anything for Thanksgiving, but they make a big deal about Christmas. I’m super excited to meet his family. A little nervous too. I guess every girlfriend goes through it.”

Amber smiled with a hint of wariness. “How are things…going? Between you and Max, I mean. Has he told you…anything more about your past or…your relationship?”

Danny could not help but feel that there was more to Amber’s questions than what was actually asked. “There are certain things that are not up for discussion,” she replied simply. “He’s generally very open, but as soon as Richard comes up, he just shuts off. It’s okay, though. I’ve come to accept that my relationship with Richard isn’t something he wants to talk about…and I don’t really need to know exactly what happened. Max has never lied to me and I trust him completely so I’m also trusting his judgment when it comes to my ex.”

Amber was gnawing on her thumb nail now, looking stressed and nervous.

“Is something the matter, Amber?”

“No,” she replied immediately.

Yet Danny still could not shake the feeling that she was holding something back. There was something about Richard that put all of them on edge. He truly was Voldemort.

“Danny,” Amber began slowly, “how…how do you feel about…Max?”

Danny found the question odd for one reason and one reason only. Max had done the same thing. After talking about Richard, he too had wanted confirmation about how she felt about him. She wanted to probe further then decided against it. She did not want yet another day to be ruined because of a man she didn’t know or care for. Instead she focused on the question that was asked. “I don’t know how to explain it,” she said. “It’s been a little over seven months and I know that’s not a long time, but I…I’m in love with him.”

The tension left Amber’s shoulders and was replaced by a smile.

“My brain doesn’t remember,” Danny continued, “but it’s like…it’s like my heart knows him. I don’t know if you can understand what that feels like. I don’t even understand it. What I feel for him is beyond understanding…beyond conscious thought. I feel like I don’t need a past to build a future with him. I love him, Amber, and nothing will ever change that.”





December





Max secured the shopping bags around his wrists and hands and continued marching through the mall. Christmas was around the corner and they were leaving for Montana next week. It was not the last minute Christmas shopping or the stuffy, crowded mall that made him edgy. It was the fact that he was going to tell Danny the truth today.

He had readied himself a few times to tell her and backed out at the last minute. He was nervous about her reaction. He knew she loved him. She had told him so a hundred times already. He had been waiting for her to feel like she had just as much to lose, but the fact that she loved him actually made the situation a whole lot worse.

How was he going to look into the eyes of the woman who loved him and say:

So, yeah…I’ve been lying to you since the minute we met and technically we were never dating because you were in love with someone else and you only ever saw me as a friend so I took advantage of your memory loss, pretended to be your boyfriend, and lied to you every single day for eight months. Oh, and by the way, just in case you thought that wasn’t bad enough. You were a virgin, saving yourself for someone special and because of my teeny, tiny white lie, we ended up sleeping together, but you love me so all that’s okay, right?

How the fuck was he going to say that to her? There was a one-in-a-million chance that she would forgive him but even if she did look past the lie, he doubted that she would be able to trust him again. He regretted doing this for so long. This confession should have been done months ago, but she was going to meet his family next week and he could not postpone it any longer. Bringing his family into this lie was not an option and with the sheer size of his family, someone – probably Shane – was bound to fuck up.

So today was the day he was going to get it all out in the open. He was leaving sufficient time for forgiveness before their trip so she would not feel obligated to come along. Once he told her everything, he was determined to rebuild her trust and then hopefully they could put it all behind them. A fresh start to the New Year, a new beginning with no secrets or lies.

Max looked back and let out a frustrated breath when he saw Danny behind him, stopping at the window of every store to look inside.

“Danny, can we please get a move on? I have a few more presents to buy and then I want to get outta here.”

“Okay,” she said, quickening her steps to catch up to him. “No need to get so grumpy, Sugarpie.”

She smiled and the aggravation melted. “One of those gifts are for you, by the way.”

Her eyes lit up. “What are you getting for me?”

“It’s a surprise so you need to make yourself scarce while I pick it up.”

She pouted her lips and stared up at him with puppy-dog eyes. “You don’t have to wait for Christmas.”

“Yeah, that’s not gonna work.”

She dropped the manipulative smile. “Fine. How long are you going to be?”

“Probably a while. Still have to get something for my dad and Dom. They are impossible to buy for.”

“Okay. I’m gonna go to the beach for a while and then I’ll meet you back at home.”

Max wanted to argue because he didn’t want her walking alone, but the beach seemed like a good idea. It may put her in a better mood before he broke the news to her and the mall, the beach and their apartment were all in close proximity so he agreed.

She lifted up on her toes and kissed him. His hand slipped to the small of her back. “I love you,” he whispered in her ear.

“I love you, too,” she said before she turned and walked away.

Max smiled despite the anxiety he felt. The anxiety wasn’t only because of what he had to tell her, it was also because of the gift he needed to buy.

* * *

Danny walked along the sidewalk, heading to the beach. The streets were a little busier because of the Christmas rush, but she didn’t really care. In eight days she would be leaving all this and flying to Montana with Max. She was so excited to finally meet his family. They were going to be staying at his parents’ house from the twenty-third to the thirtieth and that was sufficient time to reacquaint herself with all of them again. She had heard so many stories about them that she felt like she already knew most of them.

Snow and Christmas lunch and stories by the fire was something she so wanted to be a part of. She missed Jake and she would always miss Jake but loneliness wasn’t something she felt anymore. Max had also found a way to fill the emptiness. When she had woken up in the hospital, scared and alone, she never would have thought that eight months later she could have found such bliss. She had so much to live for, so much to be proud of and even though she still wanted to remember, she no longer felt incomplete without those memories.

Danny stepped off the sidewalk onto the street and loud honking made her head snap up. A car was heading towards her at an incredible speed, the sound of the hooter booming in her ears.

In her panic to get away, she tripped over her own feet and landed with a heavy thump on the pavement. Fear heightened her senses. Tires screeched as the car swerved to avoid her. She sat on the pavement, her throat dry, her heart pounding as she tried to catch her breath. Her backside ached from hitting the concretes so hard. The smell of burnt rubber hung in the air, reminding her of…something. She tasted blood in her mouth but when she ran her finger along her inner lips, she found no blood. She felt a searing pain across her back and chest and as she rubbed it, all she felt were the scars.