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Wallbanger(74)



wants to get a beer or something when we get back—in case he wants to come clean about what real y happened last night. Should I offer? Wow,

Mimi looks fantastic in those pants…I wonder if she’s buying more bubble gum.

...

Mimi: Stop sniffing your sweater, Caroline! Seriously, girl. If I could just get her alone…Okay, Simon seems to be hobbling toward the men’s room. I

can get her alone by the beef jerky.

...

Caroline: Ugh…I can’t believe Mimi knew I was sniffing the sweater. I wonder if Simon noticed.

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Simon: She seems better…She’s not sniffling any more.

...

Mimi: I need to text Sophia. She needs to know the Simon/Caroline situation is not getting any better. What the hel are we gonna do with these

two? I mean, seriously…sometimes people just can’t see what’s right in front of them. Aawww…Ryan wants me to scratch his back. I adore him…

And damn, are his fingers long…

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Ryan: Mmmm…back…scratch…back…scratch…Mmmm…

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Caroline: Okay, no more avoiding it in your own head, Reynolds. And now I’m serious because I’m using my last name. Now listen up, Reynolds…

Heeheehee…I sound like such a badass!

...

Simon: So…she’s giggling? Inside joke, she says. So maybe she is okay with how this is going—oops, grabbed the wrong bag of Gardetto’s. Did

she just growl at me?

...

Caroline: Turn my tatas down and then try to steal my Gardetto’s? I don’t think so, buddy. Okay, Reynolds, no more giggling. You can’t avoid this

forever, even in your own mind. Here are the questions on deck: 1. Why did you throw yourself at Simon last night? And you’re not al owed to blame

alcohol or music or vacation vibes or Nerves or Heart or anything. 2. Why did he turn you down? If he didn’t want to go there, why has he been flirting

with you for weeks, and not just in the neighborly way? He’s got a harem, for God’s sake. He’s not a Puritan. Agh!! 3. Does being rejected by

Simon have anything to do with the date you agreed to with James? 4. How the hel do Simon and I go back to being just friends when we know

what the inside of each other’s mouths taste like? And his tastes very, very, very good. Okay, yes. You can sniff the sweater one more time—just

don’t let anyone see you.

...

Simon: I have to figure this shit out with Caroline. She’s so great, and I mean so great…Has there ever been a woman who’s possessed every

single quality I’ve been looking for? Except for Natalie Portman, of course. But Caroline? I have to stop watching so much Lifetime—I mean what

guy in his own mind even thinks in sentences like: “Has there ever been a woman who’s possessed every single quality I’ve been looking for?”

Wait, have I been looking for that woman? No, I haven’t. I don’t have time for that, space for that—and my girls don’t want the picket fence. They

keep away the picket fencers. Caroline says she isn’t a picket fencer…Katie found her picket fence, and I’m happy for her. When’s the last time I

even talked to Nadia or Lizzie? Maybe they’re not right for me anymore. I don’t want them the way I might want…could want Caroline. You’re such a

pussy, Parker…Jesus, Caroline—she’s a fucking keeper…Wait a minute. What the hel ? Are you real y entertaining the idea of a…gulp…

relationship? And why the fuck did I actual y think the word “gulp”? That was a little dramatic, Parker. Come on, think about this…If I recal correctly,

you invited her to Spain! Don’t run away from it. Dude, did she just sniff her sweater?

...

Ryan: Mmmm…my girl likes beef jerky—could I be any luckier? She scratches my back and eats beef jerky. I have died and gone somewhere like

heaven.

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Mimi: I can’t believe he ate al my beef jerky. What a jerky. Heehee.

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Caroline: Question 1 is too hard. I can’t start with that one. I’l answer them in reverse order. 4. I don’t know if we can be friends, but I real y want to

be—and not in the fake way. I real y like Simon, and even though what happened last night sucked major bal s, I think we can figure this out…And I

would like to have some of whatever I’m smoking. 3. OF COURSE I AGREED TO GO OUT WITH JAMES BECAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENED

WITH SIMON! It’s funny how that shows up in al caps even in my head. 2. If I knew why he turned me down, I’d be a fucking genius. Bad breath? No.

Because I was drunk? Possibly…But if it’s because we were drunk that’s the worst timing for chivalry in the history of the universe. He did keep