Waiting for You(15)

“Well.” It was turning out not to be too terrible to talk about the one subject she’d always thought she’d never, ever talk about. “The next guy I dated, Kevin, definitely didn’t have the problem Ted had. I mean, even when we kissed goodnight I could feel his…”

“Erection?”

“Yes. That never happened with Ted. So at least I knew Kevin wanted me. That seemed like a step in the right direction. And he wanted to sleep with me from the very beginning. So after a month or so I figured I’d do it and get it over with.”

“Get it over with? That doesn’t sound like a rousing endorsement of the guy.”

“He was all right at first. Good on paper, you know? Smart and funny. But I wasn’t in love with him. Looking back, I don’t think I was in love with Ted, either, but I really liked him and he was always so sweet and gentle. Kevin wasn’t like that. The night we decided to have sex felt all wrong from the beginning. I was really nervous, and Kevin got more and more impatient, and finally I told him I’d changed my mind. The next day I told him I wanted to wait a little longer, but he broke up with me instead.”

“Asshole.”

“Agreed. But at the time…”

“You thought it was your fault?”

She nodded. “I didn’t date anybody seriously my senior year. Then I graduated, and…well…I just sort of stopped trying.”

Beth stared at her. “You stopped trying? At twenty-two? That’s a little young to throw in the towel.”

“Well, after Ted and Kevin…and the few other guys I’d gone out with…I decided that since I’d waited that long, that I might as well wait for the right guy. Someone who made me feel like—” She stopped suddenly, realizing she’d almost said Jake’s name. Almost referred to the night of her sixteenth birthday, when he’d kissed her…and made her feel things she’d never felt with anyone else.

Not until last night, anyway.

But that was one thing she wouldn’t talk about. The memory of last night was still too raw, too intense.

“Someone who made you feel like what?” Beth prompted after a minute.

“Like…like you feel about Chris. Or Allison feels about Rick.”

Beth’s face softened at the mention of her husband, and Erin smiled. “There, see? That’s what I’m waiting for.”

“But how are you going to find it if you don’t look? The way you were talking last night, it doesn’t sound like you’re looking at all. You need to put yourself out there, Erin.”

She started to repeat what she’d said at the wedding. That she wasn’t looking for a relationship. That she didn’t mind being single.

Then she thought about everything that had happened with Jake. The rollercoaster of emotion she’d gone through as she’d acknowledged the depth of her feelings for him…feelings she had, apparently, never let go of. Feelings that might have more to do with her current single state than she’d like to admit.

Consciously or unconsciously, she’d compared every man she’d ever met to Jake, and every one of them had fallen short. Between that and her failed relationships in college, no man had ever stood a chance with her.

She took a deep breath. “You know what? I think you might be right.”


Allison and Rick were the first of the newlyweds to get back from their honeymoon, and they were invited to Sunday dinner at the Landry farm. Jake was invited, too, and he showed up dutifully. He wasn’t in the mood to socialize but it wasn’t easy to say no to his mother—especially when, as she pointed out, it had been more than a month since he’d been to the farm. And so he came, hoping Allison would talk about the honeymoon all night and that he wouldn’t be expected to contribute anything to the conversation.

For a while, it seemed he was going to get his wish. But when dinner was over, his father left the table to take a phone call and Irene dragged her new son-in-law—the CEO of a software company—away to fix a problem with her computer. Then Allison sat back in her chair, folded her arms, and leveled a look at Jake that let him know the reprieve was over.

“Why did you disappear on us?”

He didn’t pretend not to understand. “I didn’t want to interrupt the chicken dance. But I did tell Dad I was leaving. He said he’d tell you.”

“You could have answered your cell phone when I called. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

He’d turned his cell phone off that night, something he’d been doing more and more lately. All his calls seemed to be from people wanting to check on him.