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“What about stuff with Jez? And uni? Are you still in Surrey or back in Oxford now?” I asked.

“Yeah, everything’s good. I’m back in Oxford, just getting some work done. How is work going for you?”

“Errrm, the dissertation is going well, thanks.”

“Okay, that’s good,” she said as I racked my brains on what to say next. This was worse than small talk with one of my mum’s friends.

After a pause, I gave in and let my feelings rush out of me. “Lara, this is so weird. I don’t want to fight. Let’s go back to normal. Please?”

She sighed. “I want to as well. I’m sorry I didn’t call earlier. I didn’t mean to let things get so weird between us.”

“Hey, now you sound like you’re trying to get back with me after a breakup,” I joked.

“There is no way I’d ever date a male version of you,” she retorted, and it started to feel a tiny bit more normal. Except we hadn’t spoken about all the hurtful things we had said to each other. I didn’t want to bring it up. It seemed like Lara didn’t want to either.

“Sooo, what’s been going on with you?” I asked.

“Meh, just . . . you know . . . life,” she said. “It’s too boring to bother you about.”

“Um, we’re beyond that, Lara. The whole point of our friendship is that we’re allowed to bore each other.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” She paused and then carried on brightly. “So, what’s new with you? Any progress on your mission?”

“I don’t know. I’ve kind of started seeing someone, if I can call it that. It’s really new.”

“Amazing, I’m so happy for you!” she cried out.

Cheered on by her warm response, I carried on. “Yeah, it’s good, I guess. And I’ve made a new friend, Emma, who is really fun. No replacement for you, obviously, but we’ve been going out, which has been really nice.”

“That sounds so fun,” she said. “Ellie, I’m so sorry but I have to go. I need to get ready for a ball tonight—don’t ask, it’s another weird Oxford thing.”

“Oh, okay. No worries. Well, if you want to talk properly, you know where I am.”

“Yeah, and the same goes for you. I promise we’ll catch up soon, okay? ’Bye!” she called, and as I replied with an equally cheery “’Bye!” we hung up.

I suddenly felt very alone. This was the first time Lara and I had ever had such an intentionally short phone call—especially since one of us had boy gossip. I felt empty. I pushed Lara out of my mind. She would call me again when she was ready; she had pretty much promised she would. In the meantime I had a whole season of Beverly Hills, 90210 to get through.



It was Saturday evening and I was ready. It was time to face my fears and have fun with a very cute guy who might definitely become my boyfriend. I met Jack in Soho and we wandered to a pub off Carnaby Street. He was wearing the worst shirt I had ever seen. It was possibly worse than Paul’s black hoody and grunge-meets-geek look, although at least Jack’s hair always looked washed. The shirt had short sleeves. I hated short-sleeved shirts on men. But he was the only person I could see half-working it, and when he grinned at me in his cute half-Irish way, all I wanted to do was rip it off him.

Instead I asked him how his week had been.

“Oh, you know,” he said. “It’s been pretty busy. I’ve been writing a lot so that’s taking up a lot of time. I work these really long days, then go back to my flat and write.”

“It’s so impressive that you make the time to write after a day at work. I sometimes struggle writing in my diary after a day of halfhearted revision.”

“Yeah, but that’s student life for you. I guess because I finished uni a couple of years ago, I know what I really want in life now so I find the time to do it.”

“Either way, it’s still very impressive.” I smiled at him. “So have you been doing your political stuff or the, um, short stories?”

“Bit of both,” he said. “I’m getting so into the creative writing, though. I really feel like I’ve discovered my voice.” I laughed at his cliché without thinking but he just grinned. “Okay . . . I know I sound like a dick, but seriously, this inner voice thing makes so much sense.”

“No, I do think it is really cool that you’re getting into creative writing. I would love to do that some day, but I think I’m just going to stick with journalism for a while. I don’t think I’m ready to write a novel or anything yet.”